The Living End

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“I once ate a pumpkin”

~ John Howard on his love of the Living End

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Living End.

The Living End are an Australian Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly band who specialise in a highly evolved kind of Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly music. Not to be confused with "The Living Start", a collective of English Teachers who really should choose a different career path.

[edit] History

The Living End were formed sometime between the invention of the wheel and the collapse of the Berlin Wall. The band came about when a large, particularly ferocious hamster named Pinky went on a destructive rampage, killing all humans with such vindictiveness that those that remained fled into hiding, or tried to satisfy the hamster's desire to kill by offering their firstborn son as a sacrifice. none of these attempts worked. One of these firstborns was a young boy by the name of Chris Cheney, who proceeded to fight the hamster with the courage, passion and asskickingness of a true warrior/Chuck Norris impersonator. Chris subsequently travelled around the world, releasing all those that had been at the mercy of the hamster. On these travels, he met two others who shared his love for Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly music by the name of Scott Owen and Joey Pipirizi.

[edit] Early Work

The first release by the group was entitled "Hellbound". The album brought about reasonable success, if success is measured by the extra socks and undies your mother sends you for christmas. Shortly afterwards, they released another EP, this time entitled "It's probably for your own good, if you choose to accept it". This brought the group a fair amount of radio airplay, but also the attention of Calehfornian midget/punk pop band Green Day. When Green Day toured Australia some time afterwards, the Living End were the support band. The toured ended horrifically for the band, when drummer Joey Pipirizi got his head stuck in a pancake machine, killing him amid a sea of batter and maple syrup (tainted with blood). Shortly afterwards, drummer Travis Dempsey was enlisted. Travis Dempsey was a llama,what a lineup????

[edit] Not So Early Work

During the Battle of Middle Earth, the Living End released "The Living End", and album created both to show off their talent for inventive Album names, and to fire up the soldiers to encounter the evil armies of Sauron on the doorstep of Mordor. A copy of the album was smuggled off Middle Earth and somehow managed to land itself in Australia. Unconfirmed reports suggest this smuggling quest involved a pineapple, a horse named Joseph and a bar of Cadbury chocolate, but these are still unconfirmed. Memorable songs from the Album include "In The Name Of Gondor", "Arwen Is One Sexy Fox" and "Legolas Is A Homosexual Twat". Legolas' lawyers subsequently sued the band due to defamation, but the case was thrown indefinitely out of court when the judge took one look at Legolas and laughed himself to a slow, painful death. Excited by their success, the band decided it was time to become a travelling barbershop trio. Their relatively unknown Album of this period, "Chris Cheney and the Runaway Boys sing songs about Satan" received very little acclaim, apart from a surprising amount of support from the Black Metal scene. The band decided that it was time to resume being The Living End.

[edit] The Living End is so good that...

If you listen to The Living End, chicks will come running to you, and this is no shit, my friend once was listening to this band and a bunch of hot beach chicks came and he died of his dick being used so quick. So this band is so kick ass that chicks with hairy pussies, nice asses and big tits like it so why don't you?.

[edit] The Not So Early, Yet Not So Recent Work

Andy Strachan, Cactus

In Honour of the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II as overlord of the universe, The Living End released "Roll Onwards Towards Victory!". This was well received by fans, . Around this time, the band also decided that they could play better on stage naked. Playing naked revealed what some people had long suspected; that the band were indeed a form of highly evolved octopi. Fans were unsure as to how they should take this surprising development, as on one side of the argument being of a different species made the band highly unique however on the other hand enjoying music of a different species is certainly highly unusual. In the end, the band's status changed very little. After finishing touring in support of the album, singer/guitarist/flautist Chris Cheney was involved in a car accident that very nearly took his life. He had been driving late at night for no apparent reason, when one of his tentacles slipped off the steering wheel, and hit him square in the face. The car veered off the side of the road, landing in a ditch under a small bridge. While initial injuries were fairly minor, a Troll who claimed partial ownership of the bridge (along with the Cookie Monster) felt endangered by this invader, and subsequently beat Chris with a Herring. The injuries sustained took many months to heal, resulting in a period of unwanted down time. During this period, drummer Travis Dempsey was eaten by a hamster. After Chris recovered, he and Scott commenced searching for a new drummer. Initially, the search was fruitless, as annoyingly undeveloped humans are incapable of playing drum parts written for those with 8 limbs. However they eventually discovered Andy Strachan, who is neither human nor octopus. He is actually a cactus, who has developed a playing style in which he uses his little spiky Spines to play the drums. The only downside to his presence in the band is that when he dives off the stage during concerts, a mass frenzy to get the hell away usually results. Sometimes fans are too late, fans which have been known to lose significant body parts.

[edit] The Period Bordering On Recent

During the vernal equinox of 1756 the Living End released "Modern Artillery: Soundtrack To War". The album reflected a significant change in the musical direction of the band, the most prominent being an increased amount of Glockenspiel solos. Indeed, the album features only 7 tracks, 6 tracks which run for 0:20 each, and one track entitled "My Glockenspiel Wants To Kill Your Mama", which runs for 78 minutes. The album was received surprisingly well by the public, making it the highest selling CD of the 1750's (an astonishing feat, considering the CD was not actually invented for 2 more centuries). Shortly after the release, Chris Cheney divorced himself from his 5th tentacle, citing creative differences as the reason. However it is widely believed that it was actually due to the tentacle hitting on his girlfriend (literally). He decided to continue with a mere 7 limbs (making him technically a heptipus).

[edit] The nearly recent but not quite there yet period

During this period in time they decided to experiment with new sounds and new organs resulting in the release of "Statue of Emergency". It includes many songs about statues and other works of art. It has also proved to be controversial to many politicians for the song "Whats on Your Radio" due to hidden messages of repressing people to gain information about What is on their radio. All copies of "Statue of Emergency" were taken off the shelves and re released a few months later but instead of "Whats on Your Radio" there was a never heard before 3 hour remix of "Prisoner of Society" done on a pipe organ.