The Most Dangerous Game

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

You may have been looking for Mortal Kombat, an equally dangerous game.

“Conventional wisdom says that "Good fleeing will always beat good chasing." BUT, the stats say, "Put yer money ona guy wit da gun!”

~ Terry Bradshaw on The Most Dangerous Game

“FINISH HIM!”

~ Shao Khan on The Most Dangerous Game

The Most Dangerous Game, also known as The World Series of Manslaughter, is a bloodsport played predominantly by wealthy multi-millionaires who have enough money--and power--to gain the legal right to hunt human beings. It is renowned for setting several world records: the longest game to play after Quiditch, the most popular sport since gladiatorial combat, and the most violent TV spectacle since the Hip-Hop image awards.

Two distinct variations of the sport exist: Singles Stalking and Kiling Spree. In both versions, there are two teams: the Hunters, who accumulate points by killing their targets, and the Huntees, who must survive until the end of the game in order to win.

Contents 1 Origins 2 Singles Stalking 3 Killing Spree 4 Famous People who have played Singles Stalking 5 Famous People who have played Killing Spree 6 Controversy 7 See Also

[edit] Origins

The Most Dangerous Game was created in 125 ad when Psychoticus, former Roman general and close friend of Erraticus, decided to hunt barbarians in revenge for the sacking of Rome. Once he ran out of barbarians, he turned to his own troops. The practice was carried on by his nephew Murderus, and it has existed in its present form for the last 700 years.

[edit] Singles Stalking

This version of the game is preferred by some (particularly the Huntees), as their are fewer opponents to worry about, and the amount of time alloted to the game is greater. A typical session lasts between one- and three- days, although some have lasted for entire weeks. Ideally, the game should be played on an isolated tropical island, and it's even better when the Hunter's mansion is located on said island.

Each team has only one player, thereby evening the odds considerably (see Ninja). However, the rules typically allow the Hunter a sizeable number of advantages. The following is a list of the the most important rules.

• The Huntee shall be given a three-hour head start;
• The Huntee shall be granted enough food for half a day;
• The Huntee shall be given camouflaged clothing and a butter knife for defence;
• The Huntee is permitted four hours of uninterrupted rest, which he can spread out over the game;
• The Hunter shall have the resources of his mansion at his disposal, and may draw upon them at any time, any number of times;
• The Hunter shall either:
  1. Know the island/jungle like the back of his hand, or
  2. have an extremely detailed map of the island;
• The Hunter, if he has a pack of hounds, may release them after half-time;
• The Hunter is permitted to use a high-calibre rifle to subdue or kill the Huntee;
• The Hunter is allowed to use all-terrain vehicles;
• The Hunter may treat his own wounds, eat fine food or read books at any time;

The Hunter wins if he kills the Huntee before the end of the game. The Huntee wins if he manages to survive the game.

[edit] Killing Spree

This version is a bit different, although people with pent-up rage or sadistic tendencies will probably enjoy it more than Singles Stalking. The Hunter team consists of a single person, while the Huntee team can have anywhere from five to fifty people. The exact number is dependent on how many people the Hunter can invite to his estate under false pretences.

Unlike Singles Stalking, Killing Spree sessions invariably last for 18 hours. As such, the objective changes somewhat: the Hunter must kill as many people as possible before time is up. The Huntees win if the number of survivors is equal to at least half the number of people the Hunter has slain. The number of points the Hunter has accumulated can be shown via the headbag, a storage device for the decapitated heads of his victims.

The rules have also changed:

• Huntees are permitted their clothing and their wits, nothing else;
• No single hiding space can be occupied by more than six Huntees;
• Huntees cannot eat until six hours have elapsed, and even then they may only eat fruit or each other;
• No Huntee may turn the corpse of their best friend into a diversion-creating marionnette more than once;
• The Hunter is obligated to give the Huntees a five-minute head start, although they may refuse if they wish. (N00bs, be aware that refusing in a flat-out, impolite manner constitutes grounds for the Hunter shooting you, resulting in a -1 penalty for the Huntees);
• The Hunter may have a caddy for carrying extra weapons and the head bag;
• The Huntee can set bear-traps for the purpose of capturing reincarnated Hindu Huntees;
• The Hunter will be disqualified if he shoots a corpse more than eight times in satisfaction;
• In addition to jeeps, the Hunter can pilot vintage WWII fighter planes to gun down unsuspecting Huntees.

[edit] Famous People who have played Singles Stalking

Famous players of the Singles Stalking variant, with their win/loss tallies, include:

• General Zaroff (45/1);
• Oscar Wilde(1/1);
• the guy from that sniper movie (4/1);
• Francisco Scaramanga (39/1);
• Chuck Norris (522,254,756,381,902,123,537,982/0);
• Samus Aran (8/4);
• Dark Samus (1/4);
• Master Chief(12/2)
• Samuel L. Jackson (123/4)
• SA-X (0/6);
• James Bond (unknown, but at least 2/0);
• The other guy from that sniper movie (5/1);
• Barricade (Transformers) (0/1);
• Megatron (5/5);

[edit] Famous People who have played Killing Spree

The following shows famous players of the Killing Spree variant, with their highest score.

• Charles Montgomery Burns (35 points, lost {by knockout});
• Darth Vader (876 points);
• Predator (36 points);
• Jason Voorhees (36 points while playing with melee-only handicap)
• Homer Simpson (non-applicable, Huntee, survived and won {by knockout})
• Adolf Hitler (6 million points)

[edit] Controversy

The Most Dangerous Game is supported, ironically enough, by animal-rights groups and environmentalists, for its preventative measures towards human overpopulation. It is, on the other hand, opposed by most religious groups, fat people and human rights activists. As such, most Hunters should be sure to get a legal document from your lawyers giving you the legal right to play this sport.

[edit] See Also

• Hunting
• Boba Fett
• Murder

I read this book at school and it SUCKS. DO NOT READ IT.