The Network

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“Fucking red pill!”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Network

“You educated stupid word animals can't fathom this greatest social and scientific math of creation.”

~ Gene Ray on The Network

A diagram of The Network before the Democratic Party reinvented it, invoking the Evil power of Reverend Al Gore.

The Network was created in 1856 by the Reverend Al Gore. Its primary function is to hold the entire wealth of poo in the world together, including such vital human resoruces as SARS, Pizza, the CCCP, and Kevin Mitnick's balloon. Though computers are forbidden to join The Netowrk by the Illuminati Comittee on Armenia, NATO, and the Network, in 1366 a few copies of MS Paint got together and formed the Democratic Party, with the goal to establish a ROFLcopter factory within it's borders. Fortunately, Jesus, son of The Network, performed his primary function as the One, restoring the balance between good and evil using the Force, a magical substance which is light on one side, dark on the other, and really fucking sticky. Perhaps because of this strange similarity between the Force and spaghetti sauce, The Network bears an uncanny resemblance to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[edit] The Matrix

Some people have claimed that an artificial world known as the Matrix exists around us. This is completely untrue. The Matrix is a diversion created to disguise the fact that we are actually controlled by robotic alien WTFs, who use our brains to bake their bread. This also explains why a large number of stupid people exist within The Network.

[edit] Verizon

Verizon, a maker of those popular robotic pants operators, attempted a coup de' tat in 1920 in order to take over The Network. Though it failed, it did eventually create the Republican Party. This party created their own artificial system in Verizon's name, using a Satanic proverb as their slogan. "Are you in?"

[edit] Accessing The Network

Since computers are forbidden on the network, it can be difficult to access The Network's resources. Experts recommend using the Carrier Pigeon Internet Protocol as specified in RFC 1149, or by throwing some Linux at it until it lets you on.