The Neverending Story
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If you have never seen this worthless shit heap of a movie, then you have saved yourselves the temptation to gouge your eyes. For those of you who spent two hours of your lives prematurely donating your souls to Satan then I sympathize with you. Many don't know that the Neverending Story was originally called the Neverending Shit, but the author realized (after 30 grams of PCP and LSD) that people would rather hear about pedophile dragons and racist elves than large turds.
[edit] The Begining (Unfortunantly it Doesn't End)
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that the colonel and Rosemary are actually Metal Gear Arsenal's AI, this ring isn't a cudgel, you barbarian, Polly had the lens cap on the whole time, Lightning McQueen loses the race, Exdeath kills Galuf, Borat marries a hooker from Dallas and returns to Kazakhstan with her, the Wizard of Yendor comes back to life, Austin Powers and Dr. Evil are brothers, Venom kills Harry, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
It is the story of a young Indian sex slave named Atreyu and his journey to save The Childlike Empress (his master) and the magical world of Fantasia from an enemy called THE NOTHING!!! The Nothing is apparently pissed of that it doesn't have a soul and can't get busy with the princess. All of these events are happening within a book called The Neverending Story. The reader is this little kid named Bastian (I hear Chippendale's calling) camped out in the school attic because he was too much of a little bitch boy fuck head to stand up to the bullies. So instead of sticking up for himself he succumbs to his inner nerd and decides to spend the rest of the day reading.
[edit] The Plot Thickens
Back in the Fantasia Atreyu is being shown the way to please his horse Artax, by the mischevous turkey fucker Michael Moore, when trouble arrives. Artax gets caught in the swamp. Artax lives through the swamp, but eventually dies of the gonorrhea that it got from Atreyu. After the death of Artax, Atreyu seems out of luck. Then the mountain he is standing on becomes a giant turtle named Islamafucajihadirka. The turtle says that the only way to save Fantasia is by finding a pimp to help sell The Childlike Empress for some strait up dough. After talking to the turtle Atreyu meets a big white dog that looks like a stripper version of Scooby Doo. It turns out not to be a stripper but a pedafile dragon named Falkor. Falkor agrees to give Atreyu a ride, but only if he gives the dragon some chronic. After tokin for a solid 30 minutes Atreyu and Falkor set off. All the while Bastian is trying to extract somthing to smoke from his hemp sweatshirt.
[edit] The Epic Conclusion
Falkor and Atreyu are flying around when they run into the nothing. They realize that the nothing is really somthing and that the somthing is a big mutha fuckin storm that would make Katrina look like a bitch. After getting the shit kicked out of them by the storm Atreyu and Falkor land at this creepy house. The house belongs to these two old elves who are incredibly racist. At first the elves keep calling Atreyu a dot head and telling him to go suck Gandhi's dick, but then they realize that at least he wasn't a dirty Mexican. After chillin with the elves Atreyu must pass the gate of a thousand mongolians. In order to pass he must perform the ancient chinese war dance as seen in South Park.
