The Offspring
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[edit] The Offspring
The Offspring are a popular Californian punk rock band grunge band alternative rock band emo band group of people who use instruments. It consists of vocalist Dexter Holland, whose real name isn't actually Dexter OR Holland, guitarist Noodles, whose real name really is Noodles, Greg K. whose real name was shortened for being even harder to pronounce than that guy from the Hitchhiker's Guide, and some other guy I can't remember.
[edit] History
[edit] Forming the band
Orange County nuclear plant security guards Dexter Holland and Greg Kriesel thought of forming a Justice League, with Dexter as "Nuke Man" and Greg as Dexters sidekick, "Greg". After trying to ruin a punk rock concert and getting a royal ass-kicking, they decided to play music instead. School custodian Noodles 'Buttfuck' Wasserman joins up, allegedly for his ability to legally purchase toys like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-action figures and Hot Wheels-cars for the underage trio. The threesome practice in Kriesel's parents' house's basement's hidden soundproof room and play their first shows on the moon.
[edit] Stuff happens
The band, originally called Offspring, changes its name to THE Offspring. They thought the word "the" was awesome. They press up 1 copy of the debut vinyl single, “I‘ll Be Waiting“ b/w “Blackball,” on their own Black Label, and subsequently wonder why they aren't selling millions of copies.
[edit] More stuff happens
Their debut album was a self-titled album, called 'Offspring' and is a perfect example of The Offspring's unique, TSOL-Ramones-Boris Yeltsin-esque style. It immediately had no effect whatsoever on any band, genre or person, an achievement which is still celebrated to this day. The band supposedly originally had a drummer who was fired in favour of a gynecologist.
[edit] Selling out
After doing nothing at all to support the album since they had no idea how to play in a band, Greg sucked Brett Gurewitz's dick and the band was allowed to release albums on Epitaph Records. They subsequently recorded two new albums, the first about setting stuff on fire, and another about breaking stuff.
When they were compared to Green Day, Dexter threw a fit and killed three of the band's drummers. He was subsequently kicked out of school, allowing the band to tour more and causing people to actually hear about them.
[edit] Failing at selling out
In 1997 The Offspring decided, what the hell, let's release another album. Instead of fooling for the old trap of repeating the same sound as before (in this case, the sound of Smash, which had won them instantaneous fame, money and set the record for the most amount sold ever on an indie label) and wisely decided to concentrate on a new sound and, I know, let's move to a bigger label and ditch the other one, because that would be a good move, wouldn't it? So if you guys are, like, really nice, you know, they might release a new album, right?
The result was the 1997 album, Ixnay On The Hombre. Nobody in America understood how to pronounce the title and therefore it sold 0 copies there. In Europe, there was one word for every language spoken, which caused peace among all the different nations and all that queer stuff.
It was also a fucking disaster.
[edit] Successfully really selling out
Following an unprosperous year (1997), The Offspring created yet another album, Americana, which totally whored the whole music scene for years, man, and then made yet another in 2000, 'Conspiracy of Fonz', which was, apart from being a carbon copy of Americana, a general slap in the face to Happy Days fans everywhere (or anywhere), and produced such singles as 'I Want You Badly Injured' (again referring to the Fonz) and 'Million Miles Away', referring to the subsequent court order placed upon the band, that they be allowed nowhere near the star.
In savage retribution The Offspring wrote and recorded the non-album single 'Defile You', featuring the lyrics: "The more you 'heeeeeeeeey!', the more I defile you, so just drop the case, whoa, yeah".
[edit] Oh wait apparently not
In 2003, the drummer left, causing the other members to say "Whoa, we had a drummer!?" They then recorded another album, this time dissing Axl Rose, titled "Chinese Democra-- no wait just kidding Splinter". The drums consisted of producer Brendan O'Brien beatboxing and everyone else banging on walls. Nobody noticed the difference between this and the drums to Metallica's St. Anger. It was mercilessly released the same year to a terrified public, causing several major music channels to forcefully not show any videos whatsoever, and many radio stations to not play any songs at all. Meanwhile, the Fonz went into hiding following police advice, and continued to stay there and not come out for many years henceforth.
In 2005, The Offspring released a Greatest Hits album, trying to cover up the fact that they had done bugger all for two years except for one song, 'Can't Repeat', which actually was a repeat of 'The Kids Aren't Alright'.
[edit] Messed Up Stuff
In 2004, Dexter had said they would be, like, recording a new album soon, you know, right? Except they didn't. In 2006, he, like, met with Bob Rock who would produce their new album. After 3 million years of recording, they finally released the record, titled Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace. However, during the pressing of the album the cover art was accidentally switched with that of a My Chemical Romance album. The albums first single, Hammer-ass, has recieved a certain amount of radio play in Belarus and Mongolia, but nowhere else. The album is expected to be released on June 17th, but we all know that it's gonna delay until December 2052, right?
