The Rock
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“He must like to cook.”
~ Captain Obvious on The Rock
“In Soviet Russia, what he's cooking smells YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on The Rock
“Is it a grilled cheese?”
~ e_moondo on what The Rock is cookin'
“No, I don't smell what you are cooking, asshole.”
~ Robert Wayne "No Nose" Gardner on The Rock
Finally, Dwayne Cocaine Douglas Johnson (born May 2, 1972), better known by his former ring name The Rock (also referring to himself as "The Great One" or "The People's Champion" and always in the third-person), has come back to Uncyclopedia! The Rock says, that The Rock is, the most, electrifying man in sports entertainment today and a current American film actor. Among The Rock's infinite list of accomplishments, The Rock was a nine-time world wrestling champion and winner of the 2000 Royal Rumble. Most importantly, The Rock is The People's Champion, the "people" being the millions...*prolonged inhale*...upon millions of Rock fans.
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[edit] Early life
Like many of the little jabronis that look up to The Rock, The Rock was born on the island of" IKUMTOMAMALAYU". This is the closest relation The Rock has to anyone else. Except for maybe that The Rock played a lot of football in his early years and at the University of Miami, which was key for The Rock's hit movie The Game Plan in which The Rock plays an NFL quarterback, and I MEAN..an NFL quarterback, living the bachelor lifestyle who soon discovers that he has a 8-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Hilarious.
[edit] Laying the smacketh' down
The Rock says that The Rock or "The LOUD COCK" (as said once by Vince "THE CRAZIEST WRASSLING DICKHEAD")was the greatest, most athletic and charismatic, AND I MEAN.. the most charismatic wrestler to have ever wrestled in wrestling. Along with his grandfather, several members of The Rock's family are current and former professional wrestlers, including The Rock's uncles, the Wild Samoans (Afa and Sika Anoai), and cousins such as the late Japanese wrestler, Yokozuna and former tag team wrestler Rikishi. When The Rock declared The Rock's intention to join the family business to The Rock's grandfather, The Rock's grandfather agreed albeit reluctantly to train The Rock himself, warning The Rock that he would not go easy on The Rock. With help from veteran wrestler Pat Patterson, The Rock secured a tryout with the local wrestling circuit. Impressed by The Rock's talent and charisma, The Rock was nevertheless beaten frequently, due to The Rock's physical condition and general incompetence.
The Rock started The Rock's successful wrestling career with the WWF AND I MEAN... THE WWF(The Rock hates the WWE and would rather bring back the 'F' and the Rock means... that "efffff") in 1996, under the ringname "Rocky Maivia". The Rock, within two years, secured the WWF Heavyweight Championship through The Rock's plethora of incomparable talent and charisma, rather than through a faked match like all other wrestling matches are.
When The Rock transitioned from Rocky Maivia to The Rock much like a butterfly transitions from a worm, The Rock became more abusive to the mmmmmillions...*prolonged inhale*...and millions of Rock's fans. This tactic was successful in gaining The Rock's approval amongst The Rock's mmmmmillions...*prolonged inhale*...and millions of Rock's fans. Some jabronis, maybe even like yourself, think The Rock is overly charismatic, but IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
The Rock, during The Rock's lucrative career as the greatest wrestler of all time, feuding with some of the best in the industry (and Triple H) which include; Mankind, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Wyclef Jean, Ken Shamrock, Hulk Hogan, Kurt Angle and Mr. Doodles. They have all gone one-on-one ...*waits for crowd to stop repeating what the rock says*... with The Great One.
[edit] Signature moves
- The Rock's Bottom
- The People's Elbow can be licked
- The (Not stolen from Bret Hart) Sharpshooter
- Pressure Drop
- Float-over DDP
- Somoan drop
- Pulling down his pants to reveal his quarter pounder, then he grabs a hold of the base and layeths the smacketh-down! upon his opponents face.
- Turning various objects sideways and sticking them straight up jabroni's candy asses
- The People's Eyebrow
[edit] The Rock and "The Pose"
The Rock's most famous pose, lifting his right arm with a clinched fist, so simple yet so meaningful. As we all know The Rock operates under two simple rules. The first being; The Rock never loses; and the second; if by a freak a nature, an act of god, or a pie to face, The Rock actually loses, then refer the fuck back to rule one jabroni. Don't judge The Rock. In one case when The Rock was twelve, The Rock lost a game of The Rock, The Paper, The Scissors against a class mate. He chose The Rock but the class mate chose The Paper; this seriously upset The Rock ending his 12 year reign undefeated in everything including strudeling pies. After this shocking event, The Rock of course raised a brow and laid the smack down on that sumbitch.
[edit] (Over)Acting career
The Rock aspired to be an actor for many years. Since The Rock's career interest rekindled, The Rock has submitted several unreturned scripts to various actors, hoping that they might "hook a brother up." The Rock has starred in such award-winning films as The Scorpion King, Walking Tall and Doom(the review had the same title as well). The Rocks wants to do a live-action version of Johnny Bravo soon. The Rock has also had a great deal of interest in hosting The Rock's own cooking program, but television producers told The Rock that The Rock would have to come up with a clever catchphrase. The Rock has had some trouble doing so. The Rock's most recent idea has been, "If you can nasal-l-l-ly detect, what The Rock...is preparing in his kitchen!"
[edit] Not to be confused with
- The Rock, a nickname for St. Mary's Correctional Facility, a minimum security prison.
- The Roc, a giant bird from Gibraltar, where they speak Gibberish.
- The Rock, a nickname for the island of Newfoundland.
- The Rock, a radio station, founded 1984 BC. It no longer exists, due to competition from newer, "electro hip hop" radio stations.
- The Rock, a nickname for a football (as in "why is the rock made out of pig-skin?")
- The Rock, a song by Doctor Who.
- Da Rock, a rock in front of Grandest View College in Des Moines, Iowa.
- The Rock, a nickname for that heavy, stone-like thing outside.
- The Rock, a black man curled up in a ball at the beach.
- The Rock, a hard object that can hurt someome if you throw it at them.
- The Rock, an epic love story starring Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery.
- The Rock, an extremely impressive hard as a rock; Cock!
- The Rock, An extremely hard shit that feels like one is passing a hedgehog.
- The Rock, a nickname for an orange ball that black people shoot through a hoop.
[edit] See also
