The Third Game
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There is another game. There is The Game (all players reading this have just lost), The Other Game (all players reading this just won), but there is also The Third Game, which is a little more involved than the other games. Here are the basic rules of The Third Game.
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[edit] How to play
In order to begin playing The Third Game, you must first join a game Clan. In order to join a Clan, you must talk to a Clan manager. A manager does not have a nose. How do I know this? Because in order to become a Clan manager, you have to cut off your nose. But before you go asking random people without noses to join a clan, ask them first if they are a manager. If they look at you retardedly, then run away laughing like an imp.
Once you join a clan, you are ready to play The Third Game.
[edit] The Rules
Follow these rules, or you will die.
- In order to win the game, you must complete a series of random tasks submitted to the server you are on by Managers or Admins (managers tasks always cancel out admins tasks, since there are millions of admins). When you complete this task, randomly declare "I WIN." for no apparent reason. If you don't complete the task, randomly declare "I LOSE.". All rounds take place for two to four minutes. Except for April 4th, where there is a Third Game marathon.
Donald Trump, a level 2 player of The Third Game, has just lost. This display of assholeness will get him banned from his server.
- If a new player or unregistered guest (people who you toldl about the third game who are not in a clan) is pissing you off, you can ban them from the server for an amount of time (if you are an admin) or contact an admin to ban the asshole. Subsequently, they cannot Win.
- When people die, they cannot Win until they respawn.
- When people are spawn killing, they cannot Win.
[edit] Weapons
There are weapons in The Third Game. Basically, you can use anything and everything around you as a weapon. When a player is killed, this is called Fragging. TIP: Beware of fragging, because you may be subject to local laws unless in Iraq (the fragging may be considered murder). So please ask your local sherrif if your town supports the rules of The Third Game. If they look at you stupidly, run away muttering about fish.
Here are some weapons you may use in the game:
[edit] Cheats
NOTE: Before using cheats and risking getting kicked from the current server, check if that server supports cheating. If not, use a different server.
First hold down control, alt, tab. When the box comes up, type the following cheats.
- C://weapons - Gives you all weapons.
- C://health - refills your health meter
- C://stephen_hawking - Causes a random Stephen Hawking to run over your enemies.
- C://flappy_wooha - Engages Flappy Woo-ha mode
- C://assholio - Engages asshole mode
[edit] Glitches
If you like being banned, you could try using glitches.
- Super Bounces - Find these in areas where you can jump on, and crouch without being able to stnad back up. When you jump on this and crouch, you'll go flying into the sky.
- Walls - It is possible to hide in walls. Find a blue wall (with green leprechauns on it) and push against it. Now crouch, sing lyrics to your favorite Michael Jackson song ("Beat It" has proved most effective) and you should slip right into the wall.
- Acid Tripping - This occures when you take acid. When you do this, your game disk begins to fry and all logic is turned to shit. Nothing makes sense. Be careful, because you might lose your game saves if The Third Game crashes.
[edit] Maps
There are several areas to play The Third Game in and normally each map stretches over a square mile. These also usually are there own servers. Here are common places to play The Third Game.
- Malls
- Town squares
- Missile silos
- Penis.
- deserts
[edit] Power-ups
Slow down time - This is a useful power-up. To engage, use the marijuana that can be found on slaughtered enemies and police officers. It can also be found in the shiny boxes that were ripped off of the old Sonic the Hedgehog games.
1-up - 1-up is when you get bigger. To engage, eat a shroom. They can be knocked out of floating boxes with question marks on them. Hurry, because they'll try to run away. If you get hit, you'll get smaller.
Speed up - To engage, do amphetamines.
[edit] Saving The Third Game
To save the Third Game, first you must pause, access the main menu, and select save. Pick an empty memory slot, and make damn sure you don't forget where you were, or the save will be corrupted, just like a foreign government.\
[edit] Achievements
Like 360 achievements? Try the following list of objectives to earn new achievements.
- Defeat Final Boss (Hilary Clinton)
- Assassinate a foreign political figure, then claim you are a government mercenary to put our gorvernment in an awkward position.
- Scare 30 random people in the street in 2 minutes.
- Set fireworks off in a department store.
- Seran wrap a toilet.
