The Veronicas
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ALLUSIONS OF INCEST ARE REALLY FUCKING CREEPY!!
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“You know you want to be together.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Veronicas
“These fine ladies would be no where near as successful if they weren't twins.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Veronicas
Dream dates of 13-year-olds, The Veronicas are the remaining waste of failed government-sponsored secret local productions, and later as mascots of a styrofoam manufacturer under the slogan, "If styrofoam could sing, it would sound like the Veronicas".
The twins were picked up by some big record labels for a good waste of 2 million dollars. They make lame attempts of writing their own songs, and also lyrics for other (so-called) artists including the lesbian duo TATOOO's "All about girl / girl" (with added flavour of incest) and Australian Idiot (the Australian version of American Idle) winners Casey Fatasavan's "What's Goin' Nowhere" and Kate "the hour ago" DeAraugo's "Farked". Lisa and Jess are also the faces of Choice Smelvin' Klod and Australian facial hair removal product company nu:l. Lisa and Jess sing the title song of the television show Retarded, which has featured songs from their lousy album for commission money. They (appropiately) appeared as The Veronicas in an episode aired February 6, 2006.
In March 2006, their single "1337sp33k 4eva" was featured in the Harrison Ford thriller The Firewall. It was featured in the promotional television spots, the film itself and the film's official soundtrack.
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[edit] The Veronicas (name)
Their name came from the fact that at some point they hijacked an issue of Archie comics - Veronica #167. During the incident, Archie was fed with a near-lethal dose of Vegemite, resulting in his hallucination (see picture). Since there were just way too many Veronicas in the issue (including Archie's double vision), the publisher hastily added "the" and "s" to the title with a crayon. Note, though, before that, "The Veronicas" were only known as "Veronicas", and the addition of the article "The", as the publisher later explained, was pretty much based on the same reason that filmmakers added "The" to titles such as "The Scream" and "The Grudge". threesome oorrahh rahh threesome oorrahh rahh
[edit] Discography
[edit] The Lifelessness of The Veronicas (album)
Their debut album, entitled The Lifelessness of The Veronicas, was released in Australia on March 20, 2003. Its blatant trashiness moved Prime Minister John Howard to join George W. Bush, the President of the United States of America, in the invasion of Iraq, which was undertaken by a multinational "Coalition of the willing" led by the United States and the United Kingdom, on the basis that Iraq was a "rogue state" and that Saddam Hussein had stolen the girls' talents. According to U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the military objectives of the Iraq war were:
- to reclaim the "lost talents" of The Veronicas'
- to show the rest of the world who its daddy is (that is, the U.S. indeed)
- to secure (and of course put into good use) Iraq's petroleum resources
- blah-blah-blah
The joint operation failed miserably as they found nothing but hectares of dirt and mobs of angry insurgents (although Bush claimed a success due to his stupidity). U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan's condemned the US-led invasion of Iraq as "an illegal act that contravened the U.N. Charter", and Bush was accused by the American public of starting a war on false pretenses including lying about the existence of The Veronicas' talents. Howard received the el Nobel Prize of Peace in 2006 after his return to Australia, and in the same year Bush shifted his focus and began his search for Ashlee Simpson's talents in Iran.
[edit] 1337sp33k 4eva (single)
The first single "1337sp33k 4eva" is basically a show-off of the twins' literacy in leetspeak and their illiteracy in English. The title of the single reflects perfectly the fact that they used to be a pair of highly unattractive geeks.
"1337sp33k 4eva" has two different music videos, the Australian version and its American counterpart, which feature the twins in ramdom party scenes/aftermath (as a convention of the cheesy pop music industry). Both versions have had high airplay on Australian all-to-air junk music clip shows Rage and Video Hits, as well as on those pointless, waste-of-money cable TV music channels.
[edit] Useful Thing I'm Not (single)
Living up to its title, the second single "Useful Thing I'm Not" is just another piece of plastic waste. Each record is valued at the price of an AOL trial CD.
[edit] When The Regime All Falls Apart (single)
Inspired by former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed Al-Sahaf's "great speeches" at the downfall of the Baathist regime, the twins came up with the third single "When The Regime All Falls Apart". Unfortunately, since Muhammed Saeed Al-Sahaf's "great speeches" were nothing more than random ranting, the single was inherently trashy.
[edit] Hack Them Up (album)
The second Veronicas album, Hack Them Up, was released in Australia sometime in late 2007 or early 2008. The album's title refelects their views on people who support Robert Mugabe. The album's title drew a large number of death metal fans because it sounded like the title of a Cannibal Corpse album.
[edit] Hack Them Up (single)
The first single off the album was also titled Hack Them Up. Unlike the album title, the song title represents the twins' thoughts on anyone who dares to criticise Hamish and Andy. The video is a blatant ripoff of All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U., except it takes place indoors, and it involves Australians. This involved a significant amount of VB and Brut 33.
[edit] Trivia
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- Jess has 2 tattoos one says "Pwned" across her wrist and the other is across her shoulder blade which read "Where Words Fail, 1337 5p33k5".
- Jess has a nose ring and lip ring; rumoured to show strong attraction to magnets.
- Their mutual favorite actor is Johnny Depp - they really think he runs a chocolate factory!
- Lisa is 5'1" and Jess is 5'2" in height, though that doesn't really explain Jess' tattoos and piercings.
- Jess is 1 minute older than Lisa, but that doesn't really explain her tattoos and piercings, either.
- Lisa and Jess both appeared in many episodes of kids television series Geekgirl, where they played on-screen twins.
- The two have Italian ancestry. This means they must shave themselves of thick, black hair in the morning and watch The Godfather in the evening whilst eating pizza and pasta.
- Ten Questions for the Veronicas
[edit] Rumours
It has been rumoured that Jess and Lisa are both tipped to star in the movie remake of the classic Archie cartoon, playing very appropriately, Veronica Lodge's mutant clones. Both girls will sing and perform in the movie with the Archie Band - just like the zombies in Michael Jackson's classic Thriller!!!
Lisa used to date fag hag Ryan Cabrera. Presently, she is engaged to double fag hag Dean Geyer.
