The War of the Roses
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The War of the Roses was fought from February 35th, 1455 to Spocktober 5th, 1485, according to star witness Geoffrey Chaucer. If the beginning date seems unfamiliar to the modern reader, this is because it was fought while the Julia-Robertan Calendar was still in use. It all started when a bunch of drunk Britons tripped and fell on a rosebush. They naturally blamed the French for this and started a war with themselves.
[edit] The War
The main cause of this war was mounting tension over orthography. The House of Yorkshire Terrier and the House of Lancastershireborough both had hidden agendas to become emperors of British Columbia. It all exploded like one big powder keg when the aforementioned drunkards picked up the offending rosebush and took a closer look. They were all confused for a while because they weren't quite sure what a powder keg was, but that moment passed from their alcohol-addled memories fairly quickly. Then one of them commented on the colour of the roses, only to be contradicted immediately - the word is "color," not "colour," his compatriot insisted. Thus began a war that most British citizens now blame on Jesus.
Most of the records of the battles themselves have been lost, but important eyewitness accounts have been salvaged:
“That was like, a totally badass fight scene. Two thumbs up!”
~ God
“This is making me thirsty.”
“Suck it, bitches!!!”
~ General Cornwall-Chesterson of the House of Yorkshire Terrier
As can be deduced from these enlightening accounts, it was a hell of a sweet war. It was so bloody that all the roses in Britain, which were once magenta, became red and white. This strain of rose was subsequently renamed the Tudor Rose because some botanist had the hots for his English tutor. He tried naming it after her job title, but naturally couldn't spell it - otherwise he wouldn't have needed an English tutor.
[edit] Aftermath
After the incident with the Tudor Roses, the two houses decided to make up and have a gigantic music festival that lasted until 1603. It was really groovy, so they named it the Tudor Dynasty in honour of the flower that started it. This is also when the first flower child showed up in history books. Then everyone watched Manchester United win and the world went back to business as usual - at least until they realised that nobody knew what footie was in 1603.
