The act of mating
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“We are Family. People in the act of mating may not be harassed by others. It's a sacred thing.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Family
Contents |
[edit] What is the act of mating?
The act of mating is the situation where two persons are playing chess and the other is about to win the game. This situation is often called checkmate. The act of mating, when completed, usually makes endorphines burst out in your system so that you get a great sensation of relaxness and joy.
[edit] How to perform the act of mating?
The act of mating is performed by surrounding the other players king with attacking pieces so that it is under siege no matter where it is moved. It is a little hard to perform but if you have a compatible partner when playing, you can both enjoy it very much.
[edit] What are the dangers in the act of mating?
There is the possibility of not performing checkmate correctly. This could end up in stalemate. A stalemate is the situation when the opponents king is surrounded by attacking pieces but isn't attacked at the same time. If the player has no other pieces left, he can't make a move and the game ends as a stalemate. Stalemate means that no one wins the game. I.E. the game is even. It is usually a huge letdown, as well as being stale.
[edit] What about foreplay?
Foreplay consists of all the playing needed in order to perform the act of mating. The foreplay should be done with extreme caution so that the emotions during the play won't collapse, but last as long as possible.
[edit] Is self-mating harmful?
Occasionally, one does not have easy access to a willing chess partner, in which case the single player performs the duties of both sides. If all goes well, the player delivers mate to his own king. While quite pleasurable in and of itself, occasionally instructive, and completely harmless, this perverse and disgusting practice is not as nearly enjoyable as the real thing.
[edit] Trouble Mating
The following groups and or persons have trouble mating
