The last 11 Archbishops of Canterbury
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The Archbishops of Canterbury are a renowned British football team also known as Archbishop XI. A football powerhouse, often called the Harlem Globetrotters of soccer, and are known for their signature fleet of very, very small helicopters. The team was originally formed due to a clerical error by the Anglican Church, committed when ordering Archbishops from their warehouse supplier. On the Archbishop order form, under quantity the number "1" was accidentally typed twice, such that the church received 11 Archbishops, instead of the one needed. When the eleven Archbishops arrived from the warehouse, they could hardly be left out in the rain, so they all had to move into the Archbishop's bedroom, and create bunk beds. Holy bunk beds, obviously. It was only natural that eleven Anglican Primates bunking together would form a football team.
Famous victories by the team include:
- Archbishop XI 1-0 Common Sense
- Archbishop XI 4-0 Progression In Religion
- Archbishop XI 8-0 Archbishop I
- Archbishop XI 6-2 Team Kitten
- Archbishop XI 3-2 Democratic Republic of Sunshine Mediocrity
[edit] Team
- Goalkeeper - The Thing Upstairs - To look into the goalkeeper's face is to known pure horror, as his wife once said. This might explain his impressive record of no opposition strikers escaping from the penalty box with their legs.
- Defense - Oscar Wilde. When asked about his place in the team, Wilde said, "I'm not sure we're talking the same discourse, oh most esteemed reporter."
- Defense - The Bishop Of Bath & Wells. The only man with a grounding in religion appointed to this team. Often seen praying for clemency from The Lord Of Football.
- Defense - Frank Black . The farmhand from Boston, America, who was appointed World President and forgot what his job was in the same day. He went back to being a farmhand, until the still-unexplained call-up to the Archbishop XI.
- Defense - Gene Kelly. Invented the common banana in 1952, and is well known for his Puerto-Rican soufflé.
- Midfield - The Kenya Lion - Known for dancing, eating and being the funkiest Lion/Archbishop there ever was.
- Midfield - Patrick Moore - The midfield rock, as he is known, is a large man. He only moves as fast as the moon, approximately 35,000 mph.
- Midfield - Holy Roman Emperor Diocletian - Lords over the midfield. Employs a personal slave to badger referees, and has a funny wreath with the front bit bitten out.
- Midfield - Steve Buscemi - A small Etruscan species of toad. Well known for its deformed facial features.
- Striker - Emile the Holy Kitten - A very, very holy kitten.
- Striker - Luther Vandross - Famous for creating the world's first paper aeroplane in 1362. Was frozen in time for no apparent reason. Now he wreaks vengeance on opposition defences.
