The Quaker Oats guy
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“That quaker oats guy makes some good motherfuckin' oatmeal”
The Quaker Oats guy (1603-1989, 1993-____) was a freakish mutant and Sith Master who lived in colonial America and subsisted solely on instant oatmeal.
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[edit] Childhood
The Quaker Oats guy was named after his mother, the Quaker Oats guy without a Penis. Having developed poorly in his early years, he was convicted for building the Statue of Liberty and sentenced to 300 years imprisonment in the Texas Gaylord Ranch. After serving 275 years (with time off for good behavior), he was then tested for radiation, given positive results, and was the main source of plutonium for the USA during the Cold war.
[edit] Married Life
His strange thought patterns were quickly noticed by a Catholic missionary named Jorge Sepulveda, who took him to the Vatican to meet the Pope. The Pope at the time, Ratzinger Z fell in love with him and they got married. They had 17 children, among them Bill Gates, Jose M. Aznar and a refrigerator of the Kelvinator brand.
[edit] Demise and Subsequent Resurrection
The Quaker Oats guy died happily in 1989, in the Vatican city, surrounded by his family and friends. Resurrected 4 years later in a very bad mood, he is currently Commander in Chief for the occupation forces in North Korea. From 1963-1966, he played The Doctor on Doctor Who, the first actor to do such, but he was fired after he molested a chicken while taping a live episode. After Darth Pope_Benedict_I's rise, the Quaker Oats Guy was therefore accepted in the high order of the scary sith members, conveniently renamed to "Darth Oath"
