Them
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Them are evil. The world is divided between us and Them (and after all, we're only ordinary men). Never trust Them. Let Them die. That's all you need to know about Them. But if you must, read the history of Them.
They are everywhere. You cannot see Them, but They are there, and They cannot be stopped. You and I (We), might as well give up right now. There is no hope for us. They will get us, and nobody will care.
Look, here They come now. Goodbye.
Contents |
[edit] The History of They
Has anyone ever told you something you did was the oldest trick in the book? Well, what book? This "book" was written by Them during Chuck Norris's early years acting on Walker, Texas Ranger. Good, now you know who They are.
They were spawned by the spark flying off of a pirate's sword as he desperately battled a vicious ninja. They rose from the fiery burst together as one.
They are the Van Patten family. Dick Van Patten, Joyce Van Patten, Vincent Van Patten, James Van Patten, Nels Van Patten, and Timothy Van Patten. The pirate and ninja present at the time were so stunned that They destroyed the family on the spot. They waited for years in the pits of Hell, finishing the book with all the oldest tricks in it, until finally Chuck Norris allowed Them to return to Earth. Despite their long wait, the family missed their home in Hell and decided to enter Hollywood to be closer to their common environment. They made names for Themselves in Hollywood through the 60's and 70's to today, acting on small television shows and the occasional movie.
However, despite their seemingly small contributions, few knew of their ultimate power to decide what people could say, given to Them by Satan himself. (Also known as Dick Cheney.)
Now, word spreads fast in Hollywood, and soon people were talking about Them. They decided They didn't want this ultimate power. So the Van Pattens decided to sell it. As you might expect, who would buy Them out but the famous and increasingly popular Wayans brothers. The brothers starring in roles such as "White Chicks" and the "Scary Movie" series were obvious picks for the power, and They were soon the proud owners of the title of "Them," along with the book and the indescribable power of trendiness.
So, in conclusion, They are the Wayans brothers.
Image:2X14 HenryTalks.jpg== Who They Are ==
“That's just what They want you to think!”
~ Them on the existence of They
"They" rule the world. (The Wayans after They bought out the Van Pattens.) This is because when someone asks you "Says who?", you reply "They do". Also, whatever you think, that is just what "They" want you to think. They are not we, neither we are Them, but They are among us. Satan has ensured this. Contrary to popular belief, there is an annual meeting of Them. There (where you can never be, because then you'd be here not there), They decide on the rules for the next year. They decide what They want you to believe, what They say, what They think, and who They fuck. But because They are Them, They can never refer to Themselves. To refer to Themselves would require Their use of the word We, but We is different than They; We includes a conscious You or I, and since You nor I can be Them, They cannot be us.
This leads to much confusion among Them when They are trying to make a ruling in Their meetings. "We the Committee of They" lead to an overthrow of the regime by the new Them during the Rushid wars, because They announced Themselves as We, thereby renouncing their power and shifting the power over to the new Them. The new They, therefore, has yet to figure out how to refer to Themselves.
A self-described "self-employed inventor" (translation: homeless bum) from Branson, Missouri is widely reported (like in this "World WIDE Web" page) to have legally changed his name to "They" in 2004 in order to claim credit for all the amazing stuff attributed to "They." Reasoning that this tactic would easily double the number of patents he held, the Inventor-Formerly-Known-as-Andrew-Wilson was actually disappointed to find that the action nullified all his previously existing patents. The cruel joke became even funnier when "They" discovered that none of the things "They" did or said was ever recognized by the U.S. Patent Office.
[edit] ...Who THEM Are
Them are They. They are Them. Them They They Them They. Them. Now do you understand?
[edit] ...Who Them Aren't
“Them aren't me so stop asking”
~ Liam on who Them aren't
I'm glad you asked. Because there are a lot of nasty rumors about Them, so let's put a stop to Them now, shall we? No? Then shut up.
Them aren't you, or I, or even Liam. No-one really knows who Them aren't, but here's a list of what some people think:
Chuck Norris(But we can't be sure)
Hilary Clinton...On second thought, she probably is one of them.
[edit] Where THEM live
“THEM live right THERE.”
~ Squidman on On the existence of THERE
“Squidman? I thought he was dead.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Squidman
“U thought wrong, Bitch”
~ Squidman on himself
“Ok, enough with the quotes! FCKNG N00B!!PWN!!11!!!”
~ Random Grue on n00bs
“The sky is blue”
~ Liam on the laws of relativity
“ ha ha ha i am here nubes!!! ps: i eat squidman”
~ {{{2}}}
“ Who mis-spells 'noobs'?”
~ THEY did it!!.
They live in Hollywood, as it is close as Earth can come to Hell.
[edit] What "They" did
“Oh my god, They already did it”
~ Liam on what They did
“What'll They come up with next?”
~ Your Dad on what They made
You don't want to know. They have done terrible, terrible things that would even make the weird kid at school who always looks up the really bizarre stuff on the internet squirm.
They shot JFK. They killed Kenny. They bribe politicians. They drive slow in the fast lane. They speak rudely to waitresses.
Isn't it curious how each of those statement made perfect grammatical sense? It's more than a coincidence, you can be sure of that.
“Our impulses are being redirected. We are living in an artificially induced state of consciousness that resembles sleep… ...the movement was begun eight months ago by a small group of scientists who discovered, quite by accident, these signals being sent through television... ...the poor and the underclass are growing. Racial justice and human rights are nonexistent. They have created a repressive society and we are their unwitting accomplices... ...their intention to rule rests with the annihilation of consciousness. We have been lulled into a trance. They have made us indifferent, to ourselves, to others, we are focused only on our own gain. We ha... ...please understand, They are safe as long as They are not discovered. That is their primary method of survival. Keep us asleep, keep us selfish, keep us sedated... ...They are dismantling the sleeping middle class. More and more people are becoming poor. We are their cattle. We are being bred for slavery. The revolution... ...we cannot break their signal, our transmitter is not powerful enough. The signal must be shut off at the source. We have...”
~ David Icke on They
[edit] "They" are watching you
“They're watching you”
~ Liam on Them watching you
“"They" are believed to be everywhere, this is yet to be proven as They have only been found somewhere”
~ matchstick-man on Them somewhere, but not everywhere
Not a myth, but a horrible truth, no matter how much you wished that it wouldn't be. The Wayans do not want you to know that They are Them. Whatever you do, if you see THEM watching you, and They see you watching THEM watching you, run, there may be no hope for you at that point.
[edit] What "They" should do
- They should make an anti-gravity machine.
- Call grues to eat everyone that denies "They" exist.
- Declare war on Osama Bin Larden
- Declare war on squidman
- Something besides being anonymous.
- They ought to make a law against that.
- They should bake me a pie
[edit] In Conclusion
The Wayans are evil. They see all that you do. They watch you pee. So pretend you don't know They know. Or you will die.
[edit] If "They" Attack
- Have a sudden heart attack and die.
[edit] What if I want to join Them?
You shouldn't. And if you do, They will still bring a pointy reckoning upon you while you sleep. So you just made it a lot easier for Them by sleeping very near their assassins.
[edit] See Also
- Squidman
- 3D glasses (needed to see "their" true faces)
- Clinja
- Evil
- Who
- Van the Man
- The Republic of the North Pole
