Thieves Guild
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“Who is he and what exactly does he have to do with us?”
~ Thieves Guild on Oscar Wilde
“Bastards stole my good bong.”
~ Galvatron on Thieves Guild
The Thieves Guild is a very original roleplaying aspect first introduced by the alternate reality Elder Scrolls. More recently, it was ripped off by some non-American guy named Terry Pratchett.
[edit] Finding and Joining a Thieves Guild
In general, despite how easy it is for you to find members of a Thieves Guild, everyone else claims that they are a very mysterious and powerful group. In reality, it's just a matter of hanging around the shadiest bar in town and talking to anyone who is carrying a poorly concealed knife and has scruffy hair or is bald.
After you have talked to the correct shady looking individuals, you are usually directed to a more shady looking and thiefish looking individual. This will generally lead to you being offered a task which may involve stealing a chicken or running an errand of utmost importance. Once you've completed your task, it is of a 61.239% certainty that you will become a Wet Willy.
[edit] The Mandatory Storyline
As you gain experience stealing chickens and running errands of utmost importance, you will continue to move up in ranks. From Wet Willy, you will progress to become a Poopfad, Nosepicker, Cat Burgerler (making cat burgers is a very important skill for a thief to have), Ringleader (circus leadership is also a very important skill), and Gay Fox.
Throughout this time that you progress, you'll find that your guild is actually run by someone in the government. That bastard has, believe it or not, been using you and the rest of the guild to progress some sort of evil plot of his own. You must then proceed to behead all his minions, then have a showdown with him. He will then turn out to be a dark wizard or something of that type, and you will proceed to overthrow him and become the leader of the Thieves Guild yourself. Despite the fact that everyone fears the Thieves Guild and hates them, everyone hails you as a hero and you may or may not get a statue erected in your honor.
[edit] Abilities
Every time you gain a new rank, you automatically gain a new set of abilities.
- Wet Willy allows you to pickpocket a select number (about 12) of cats and babies, steal chickens, and fail to pick locks.
- Poopfad allows you to pickpocket a slightly larger select number of cats and babies, steal shoes left on back porches, and fail to disarm traps.
- Nosepicker allows you to pickpocket yourself, steal stuff out of trash cans, and still fail to pick locks.
- Cat Burgerler allows you to pickpocket a select number of imbeciles, steal instant coffee, and make cat burgers.
- Ringleader allows you to boss clowns around.
- Gay Fox is actually no different from Ringleader, except people have slightly more respect for you.
