Thing

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“How does he have... well you know”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Thing

A Thing is, unlike stuff, invented by God. He said, at the evening of the first day: I shall make things better. Suddenly, God realized that in fact he had not created a single thing yet. Hence, things came into being. There are things all around us, and some things even have names, like: Jill, Billy-Bob, scissors, bike, etc. Things without a name are called: something. Things that don't care what they are called, are called anything.

One can divide things in good things and bad things. Ironically, a very common use of the word "thing" is an obvious reference to naughty bits, which can lead to sexual harassment in the workplace.

A thing.

Another thing.

These two things are things.

1 Instances Of Things
2 What IS a thing?
3 Notable Things
4 Thing #8
5 The Great Thing
6 The Thing-Thing
7 List of things
8 Did you know...?

[edit] Instances Of Things

Some things, (not to be confused with something) are found throughout history. The word is commonly used to speak of an object, when you want no one to know of what you speak. Sometimes things are misplaced, such as "I lost something" or "Aww man, where is that thing!", and usually either began or followed with a deregatory statement, such as "####! I lost my thing again!". Other instances include thingy, a word commonly used when a thing's name is forgotten. "####, where is that Thingy...?", is a common statement. It could be compared to the uses of Bread, which are limitless, because thingy could be everything, another type of thing. The utter irony of swearing in accordance with not understanding is still studied in colleges nationwide, brought to the forefront of education by the invention of things themselves.

[edit] What IS a thing?

There are many things that can describe a thing. A thing can be used to describe many things. But the thing that makes a thing, a thing, is the thing that a thing can describe. A thing is a thing because it describes things as things, not only as things, but as THINGS. As someTHING that can be categorized into things, a thing is what a thing is. Nothing beats a thing, therefore you should check out noTHING to understand the real meaning of thing THROUGH other things. Things are just what you want things to be. Be a thing, or the thing may be you.

[edit] Notable Things

The official Thing #4 logo

Presently, the only notable thing in existence is Thing #4, arguably the greatest thing ever. Thing #4 combines innovation with complete surprise, with its built-in RANDOM feature. Here's how it works: take your Thing #4, rub it all over, and wait for the magic to work! Thing #4, although occasionally have bad consequences, can result in the following:

Instant baldness
A random swear word being shouted, seemingly from you
The instantaneous fabrication of two or three fish tacos in a little baggy
Sean Connery doing his Bond impression
Tillie the Pirate reinventing the wheel, and then realizing it has already been invented, jumping back through time to invent it first.

Many law suits have been filed due to the randomness of Thing #4, but the makers of Thing #4, FrobozzCo International, have consistently won each trial by use of their very own product. This consistency has been the recipient of much skepticism from common users of Thing #4, whose usage has been considerably less consistent. Nevertheless, the market for Thing #4 thrives today in sex shops (and the occasional tobacco shop) around the world.

An interesting point to be made is that Thing #4 was in fact the fourth thing ever made. In fact, it was only after the invention of Earth, man, and woman that FrobozzCo International possessed the ingenuity to invent such an incredible object. It was indeed the fourth, and it must also be noted that this item was first invented before Sophia Loren and even 42.

Thing #1 and Thing #2 are actually Thing #5 and Thing #6, and the Cat in the Hat is Thing #7.

Oh yeah, and there's that thing that lives in Antarctica and eats and imitates everyone...and dogs.

[edit] Thing #8

Thing #8

Thing #8 is more well known as thing, but for ~~copyright issues~~ Satan, we cannot refer to him as that, for that reason, we will refer to him as Thing #8. He has been seen hanging around the Addams household and old Staples commercials.

[edit] The Great Thing

The Great Thing

The Great Thing is the watcher of all things, or everything in general. He is the CEO of FrobozzCo, and is seen here taking a jog through the streets of New Fork.

[edit] The Thing-Thing

Thing-Things are small grey bioweapons that look like dots. Despite being of simple design, they can still kick your ass.

[edit] List of things

- You

- A Sandwich

- This article

-That Thing that looks like a dog but is actually some alien that assimilates things and imitates them, and ends up becoming all sorts of weird things including a head with spider legs

and

[edit] Did you know...?

...a thing is a thing and another thing is a different thing?
...a thing is made by smaller thing?
...a little thing is made by smaller things, and those smaller things are made of even smaller things... until the dust thread, what is undivisible?
...Things go bump in the night, and night is an anagram of thing?
...where is the thing littlething which dives and doesn't wet?
...a thing is a thing and another thing are two?
...a thing multiplied by a thing is a square thing?
...and a thing multiplied by a thing and in its turn by another is a cubic thing?
...the things never are that they appear?
...those are things that happens?
...everything at its time?
...you have better things to do?
...I have better things to do?
...the things are what they are?
...everything at its time?
...the things are like this and this way we told them?
...the Thing wants to patent everything?
...a piano is a thing and the fact of wasting your time here is a very different thing?
...you've got another thing coming?