Thingie

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“I hearby conclude my statement about Thingies with a.”

~ Sentence stopper thingy on Thingies

For other uses of a thingie, consult the user's manual

A thingie is related to the whatchamacallit, the doohicky, the doodad, and Michael Stipe. It is a shorter, more formal version of the word thingie-ma-bob. Said to be the devious emanation from the unclean mind of Satan, a thingie is commonly used to ritually sacrifice unbaptized children, Coke bottles, Russian techno bands, animals named Zeke, and, again, Michael Stipe.

[edit] Origins

The first thingie was recorded on clay tablets in cuniform, the ancient writing method of ABBA.(This can be seen on their first major LP, Yodeldeeyodeldooyodeldaydoodlyday). Scholars and other noted pop icons have studied these tablets, deciphered them, lost them, found them again, spilt coffee on them, used them as fashionable vanity license plates, re-ciphered, re-deciphered, re-de-reciphered(No backsies!), then finally gave them to charity with a note reading "We have the Megadeth. Mos Def to America. Death to Israel Regardie. Alan Alda is Great."

To date, these tablets have never been translated into any of the languages of men. However, they are available in the popular "fantasy language", Portuguese.

[edit] Thingies in Modern Times

Since the dawn of the Renaissance period(1015, the date that Christopher "Peter Fauk" Colombo sailed the oceans on his luxury liner, the U.S.S. Sesame Street and discovered Mexicans), there have only been three known thingies, with any others being clever forgeries.

One such thingie was in the possession of U.S. President George Jefferson, and it was said to have given him such mystical power over the space/time continuum, that he was able to go back into the past to pay his rent on time.

Another was found in the ribcage of former Russian tsar Nicholas Cage. Scientists have studied this thingie and have acknowledged that it was the source of the Tsar's "mad ups" when shooting b-ball with Grigori Rasputin.

The last known thingie was said to be kept by a reclusive Dean Martin near the end of his life. People close to him said that it contained the essence of Sammy Davis Jr., however mystical scholars claim it only held a half-eaten ham sammich, and was not a genuine thingie at all.

[edit] Clever Forgeries

Due to the rare nature of the thingie, many people have constructed clever forgeries, in order to profit off of the unsuspecting public. Some of the more famous ones include: