Thom Yorke
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Thomas Fitzgearld Yorke (everything following this is written by Thom himself) is a neurotic musician-turned-cult-leader who now leads a Buddhist sect in northern Japan. He is known, to a lesser degree, as the former front man of Radiohead, along with the so-called "Other Thom," Tom Jones. Later in his career, he joined the Karma Police with Sting. He then gave birth to his first son known as Matthew Bellamy, to this day Yorke is still no where near Bellamy's musical exellence.
Despite allegations that his parents were idiots, Thom maintains that his first name is spelled correctly. Many people now realize it is Thom who is the idiot.
Thom is an avid user of Macintosh computers, being that he is both pretentious and an art-fag.
Yorke annually holds suicide fests in his Japanese compound, in which, instead of making a religious speech, he plays gathered crowds his early 1990-something hit song, "Creep".
In October 2007 Thom's band Radiohead shocked the world by announcing that they would allow fans to choose whether or not to buy their new album.
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[edit] Biography
[edit] Funk eye
Yorke was having sex when he was 3 years old with a rather strange looking tree. Even the tree thought he was too strange to have sex with, so cummed in his eye. Thom Yorke's eye is now permanently glued by tree sperm, so therefore cannot open his eye properly.
[edit] Yorke's short period as a Neo-Nazi
Tommy Yorkie is a character from Sesame Street. He was best known for his Sesame Street song "I'm asleep, I'm a winner.." The song has been covered by numerous other artists such as the Chipmunks and Barney. He is currently pregnant with Michael Stipe's child.
In 1982, Thom Yorke was, along with fellow band member Ed O'Brien, a neo-nazi for a short period of time. He was recorded in the Guardian saying, "Fucking Jews, they're hot bitches. God damn I just want to fuck them. Fuck them, I say! Up their arses! I love them! Love that sweet Hebrew ass- ... wait." Three months later, Yorke became a Buddhist. Ed O'Brien is still unsure of his religious or socio-political preference.
[edit] Affiliations with Bob Dylan and Michael Stipe
In 1998, a year before Yorke founded his Yorkites for the Lotus Mantra Puritism cult, Yorke was caught having sex with Michael Stipe in a dressing room in an effort to raise money to help fund the Tibetan relief effort. It was later revealed that Bob Dylan had videotaped the session. This is generally regarded as the downfall of Yorke's career. However, Stipe and Dylan both were hugely successful after the incident.
[edit] Personal Life
Thom Yorke lives in the same douschey university town where he grew up with his girlfriend, Somenobody Artist. The couple have two children, Noah and Agnes, whom Yorke believes are androids sent to control his thoughts. Yorke is deathly afraid of riding in cars and instead travels in a plywood cart pulled by a train of 12 grey horses. Thom Yorke hates everything, that is everything except creepy-looking trees, which are in fact the only thing that Yorke doesn't find stifling or depressing. Thom Yorke can frequently be seen loitering at supermarkets under the influence of psychadelic mushrooms, commenting on how disturbed by his surroundings he is. An animal rights activist, Yorke is a 27th-level,orthodox vegan, meaning he will not eat anything which castes a shadow, and thusly clearly copied that guy in the simpsons. Yorke has claimed the instrumentation for his next solo album will consist of nothing but digitally altered flatulence and a string section contributed by Jonny Greenwood. Despite keeping up the media-friendly image of a humanitarian and eco-warrior whilst in public, during his spare time, Thom Yorke enjoys nothing more than to steal eggs from the nests of rare birds and have his servants make an exquisite omelette of them right before the parent's eyes, only to have them thrown out to an immense pile of waste that is accumulating in Yorke's garden, which he has plans to eventually douse in gasoline and burn as he stands watching, cackling and fondling his diamond necklace, the cost of which helped to fund an insurgency in a developing world.
Thom recently edited a special 'green' edition of the Observer Magazine dedicated to climate change, particularly notable for its two-page spread advertising Land Rover 4-Wheel Drive WankTanks.
[edit] Awards
Thom Yorke picked up the 1993 Shining Wit Of The Year Award from the Spoonerism Society. He has since won it on no less than eleven occasions.
[edit] Depression
Thom Yorke enjoys being depressed as he believes that it separates him from others, especially from his supporting act, also known as 'Radiohead.' Thom Yorke is happy when he is depressed. So technically, he is never depressed. If Thom Yorke knew this fact, his head would simply explode. It is well documented that he cries himself up a snack before doing anything that will take more than ten minutes of his time (including but not limited to checking his stove for ghosts, weasels, or anything else that might send him into a fit of rage), and is frequently hospitalized for trying to conjure up the Harlem Globetrotters by way of mixing gasoline, oil, and Afro Sheen into a blender and gently placing a match into the contents.
[edit] Musical Style
[edit] Musical Talent
“I'm such a shit piano player...”
~ Yorke on His Amazingly Heavenly Like Musicianship
As our prophets tells us, we see that our bard of the ages is rather beyond our silly mainstream notion of "talent". In fact, we find ourselves swirling around his arias of random note bashing and innovative use of anything that his hands get on and massage the warm sticky fluid that peons call "music". Ergo, according to no comment made in the previous pretentious self-gratifying sentences, we find that not even our Thom can defy his own sounds, lest we accuse him of being a "teeny-bobber" who listens to... music.
[edit] Lyrical Talent
Thom Yorke, with a degree in English from the rather prestigious university, Exeter, has tapped into both his education and natural ability to create what critics say is like,"...wanting to jab you ears out with razorblades..." and "CHARLES FUCKING DARWIN, how the hell did you get famous!". Examples include:
- "I'm an animal trapped in your hot car..."
- "We don't have any real friends..." (Which can be interpreted into "Fans", but either way, many have proven this comment to be true.)
- "Wha-nepi-na-nepi-na-nepi-nepi-na-nepi-na! Wha-nepi-na-neh-bleh-bleh-(Kid A! Kid A!)-bleh-na-bleh-na! Wha-nepi-na..."
These examples alone are enough to for critics to acclaim his singing is, "Fucking awful... and is he having a seizure on the stage again?"
[edit] Discography
[edit] Solo career
- Tuhn Down the Love (1991)
- Up the Love (1992)
- How Eye Stay Awake At Night (1992)
- Pills, Buddhism and Hitler (1993)
- The White Album (a two disc re-release of Up the Love) (1995)
- Live at the Yorkist Compound (2001)
- The French Condom (2002)
- T3h 3r4s4h (2002)
- The Rubber (2004)
- The Chaser (2006)
- You Are Stupid Enough To Buy This Crap (expected 2009)
- I'm too old but I keep recording indie albums because indie is still cool (expected 2042)
[edit] With Radiofish
[edit] Albums
- Spanish Bee-Shit (1993)
- The Shape of Thom Yorke's Penis (1995)
- Mediocre PC (1997)
- Child B (2000)
- Huh? Where am I? (2001)
- Hail to the Queef (2003)
- Anal Sex Synonym (2007)
[edit] EPs
- My Iron Bung"
- Fake Plastic Paycheck (Damn you Greenwood!)"
- The Whinings of a Confused and Troubled 35-year Old Who Hasn't Matured
- TWOFACAT35YOWHM-II"
- Alien Probes and Strobe Fights"
- Funbag/How am I Pitching?"
- Necropheliac
- Robots Cry Sometimes, Too
- Everyones on Myspace
- "The Rational Tantrum (live)"
- In Anus
- My Lazy Eye"
- Mixedupthedoses
- My Steel Appendix
- Oh My God My Face!WHYYYYYYY?!?!
- I Got the 24-Inch Uncircumcised Cock Blues
- Morning Smell
- sska;u7455%%%sa8pppppppffffulllllllllllllllllaspo/ /aasi
- Everything In It's Wrong Space
- "15 Nude Steps Banging Mash In Videotape (the out-takes)"
- Where I Cum And You Suck
- Chris Martin at the Door (Not Again!)
- "House Of Cards (shelved due to the credit crunch and reduced to Furnished Bedsit Of Cards)"
[edit] Trivium
In an interview Thom requested that the presenter should get Nude and watch a Videotape with him. Halfway through this episode of interchat he claimed that "Down Is The New Up" after some cheap internet viagra didn't have the desired effect because "The Drugs Don't Work". This was perhaps a hint that the new album will have a heavy influence from The Verve.
