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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Thomas Mann.

Thomas Mann (April 19th, 1903-October 11th, 1942) was a man. His stories were very intellectual, and psychological. So kind of like Freud on one of his better days, although unlike Freud, Mann was gay, and so Freud would have called him psychologically abnormal. He was gay despite having six children to one woman alone. He was also gay in spite of the fact that he wrote about the Superman of Nietzsche, and did manly things like escape the Nazi's just in time. Still, he was gay.

[edit] Life and Death and Re-birth

Thomas Mann was born in the Ice fields of Siberia. For most of his life, Thomas mined for ice, a very valuable resource. He did this for ten years, before he gave up and ran to Germany. It was there that he met Adolf Hitler, who at the time, was still painting. Thomas and Adolf worked together, creating wonderful masterpieces. Thomas' first novel, As the Wind Blows, was published in 1938, to horrible reviews. Adolf then made him an SS officer and gave him the rank of book burner. Thomas' burned books for the rest of his days, until a man by the name of James Joyce bashed him over the head and burned him alive. (James was drunk at the time, so he was able to easily deny it.)

After his death the people sought a new hero and vowed to bring him back into the world, so in the year of 1991 Samuel L Jackson and a team of mad scientists carved his muscular features from a block of kryptonite, his brain was then inserted into the frame...........TO BE CONTINUED

[edit] A note on his book

Critics believe that every single word in As the Wind Blows consists of intricate symbols that the average human cannot understand. Thomas Mann's technique of modern symbolism would be at the forefront of modern literature, had James Joyce not thrashed him in World War II.

[edit] Rebirth

In 2003, Thomas Mann was reborn in an experiment in the USG. He now lives out his new life, trying to write his next novel, titled Amish Paintings. His last known whereabouts are somewhere in the New England territories, under disguise as an illegal Mexican immigrant by the name of José José. It is widely believed that he has become a lesbian since his rebirth.

[edit] Legacy

• After reading Buddenbrooks, God named the superior sex after him.
• Both Christopher Marlowe and Goethe traveled forward in time (see: time travel) in order to rip off Doctor Faustus, hoping no one would notice. Schoenberg modeled his life after the main character.
• Mann created the iceberg which was to sink his nemesis: The Titanic. (Die Zauburg)
• Six Flags modeled the Magic Mountain theme park on Mann's ancestral estate.
• The English named an island after him.
• Invented the teenie-weenie to compensate for phallic shortcomings.
• Nailed chicks all the time.

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