Thundercats
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“Lion-O , what are you doing? Snarf, snarf.”
~ Snarf on What Lion-O is doing
“Oh, hey uh... you wanna go get wasted?”
~ Lion-O on Snarf
Thunder cats was a fictional television show first mentioned in L. Ron Hubbard's first letter to the Corinthians. Anybody who tells you they remember this show are deceived by Tom Cruise's lies, and should be eliminated. A group of furry misfits who were previously employed by Oprah Winfrey and then ∩, holds the world title for most phrases out of context. Some claim these too number even more so than of Oscar Wilde. Their primary concern is nothing but the resurrection of Mumm-Ra - The Ever LIVINNNG! . On another note all thunderians suffer from a disease called lackofnipplosis where their nipples drop off after birth (shown in the very first episode).
The cartoon ThunderCats is a sequel to the low-budget movie smash-hit musical, Cats.
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[edit] The ThunderCats
Hailing from the doomed planet of Krypton, (thundera Wasn't it?? -EFX) these malicious warriors came upon Third Earth, intent of sapping it of its resources and making it their domain, thus clashing with Mumm-Ra. Though appearing at first to be friendly and good natured, their sinister purpose was soon revealed. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
[edit] Lion-O
The Lord and Generalissimo, he wields the Sword of Omens, a mystical, rock hard, rigid, powerful sword of great strength, capable of growing three times its size. It has been revered for centuries by the Thunderians. Lion-O swears he isn't making up for anything.
[edit] Panthro
His mechanical wizardry and engineering expertise knows no bounds, and neither does his masochist addiction to Tygra's whip. His tanks are specially designed to grow many times their original size and subjugate the populace. Brave men have been known to tremble before him. The gaudy, yet foreboding, castle he made allows them to be revered by the same peoples they terrorize. He better not catch you standing up peeing.
[edit] Tygra
The bondage queen of the ThunderCats, his bolo whip, which grow many times its original size, allows him to beat the meat of any of the puny Third Earth natives, such as the Berbils, who in turn sided with the ThunderCats out of fear for their very safety. He's also a sadist who often refuses to grant Panthro's desires for his bolo whip.
[edit] Cheetara
One of the two women of the team, being that they're apparently in short supply on Krypton(thundera dammit!), she is the intelligence expert of the ThunderCats. Her specialty weapon is the staff, also capable of growing many times its size. She claims she isn't hiding anything, yet none of the male ThunderCats seem interested in dating her.
[edit] Wily-Kat
The twin brother of Wily-Kit, he don't do shit.
[edit] Wily-Kit
The twin sister of Wily-Kat, she don't do shit either. Lion-O often strongly considers having them put down.
[edit] Lynx-O
Old, blind bastard. Serves virtually no purpose other than hanging out headquarters and boring the others with anecdotes and smelling like urine and Ben-Gay. His weapon is no longer capable of growing many times it's original size.
[edit] Testicular
The ThunderCat nobody really talks about...
[edit] Pumyra
The only confirmed ThunderBroad. Routinely sold and traded amongst the male ThunderCats for cigarettes, being fresh meat, and all. Definitely female, she has no need to prove her masculinity with a weapon, yet is known to help the other Cat's weapons grow many times their original size.
[edit] Bengali
A blacksmith, he serves as Panthro's right hand, and sometimes his left on those lonely nights, but it's really more of a power based, prison-like relationship. It's his constant supply of viagra bought off the internet that allows the ThunderCats weapons to grow many times their original size.
[edit] Jaga
Obi-Wan Kenobi. Seriously.
[edit] Snarf
Servant to Lion-O, he's an extremely annoying, yellow-bellied pussy. Kept around because his meek cowardice amuses Lion-O. Snarf is a distant relative of Snaf.
[edit] Snarfer
Though more skilled than Snarf and possessing more courage, he's also extremely annoying. Ran away from home after Uncle Snarf touched him in his sleep.
[edit] Snaf
Snarfs evil-twin pillow
[edit] Smurfette
Snarf's tiny blue mutant neice. Also a spy for Mumm-Ra's Lieutenant: Gargamel.
[edit] Oscar Wildcat-O
Oscar Wilde was a member of the ThunderCats for a brief time, joining them when he discovered a note from his father, Obi-Wan Kenobi, asking to take part in their quest for Mumm-Ra, but unfortunately, he was about to start his popular musical career. Speculation on his and Cheetara's mysterious relationship is talked about even to this day. Some say that his title track on the Big Bottm'd Boys' Once Twice, Three Times a Leopard Cat Woman is a reference to the relationship.
[edit] Bagpuss-O
Granted the moniker "The Mighty Stripey Beast" upon vanquishing the oppressive Estonian Bat-peoples when they threatened to hurl guava and pebbles at Splinter, the mentor and plumber of the Thundercats. Bagpuss-O was never allowed to have a weapon as he was the bitch and had to share with the other Thundercats.
[edit] Hello Kitty
Hello Kitty joined the Thundercats on a dare after a binge heroin experience with Wily-Kit. Though Wily-Kit chose to be sexed in to the gang, Hello Kitty earned the extra respect of being jumped in.
[edit] Garfield
Lasgna eating Obese Orange Cat, often confused with Snarf. Was Huffed by Mummra who was fucked up good. (see Kitten Huffing) because the Orange Ones Fuck you Up Good!
[edit] Opponents
It wasn't all posturing on the castle wall and tight, oh so tight, spandex thongs for the Thundercats, not only where they busy oppressing the idiot monkey-people of the Third Earth, there were a group of vailant resistance fighters who sook seekeed tried to foil their plans.
[edit] Muff-Ra
Muff-Ra, or The Ancient One, or The Ever LIVIIIINNNG was one of Third Earth's native inhabitants, along with other such luminaries as the Berbils. This when the nefarious Thundercats arrived, claiming to be benevolent beings.
They immediately clashed, coming to blows over the lands of Third Earth when Muff-Ra objected to their presence. Thus, the ThunderCats unleashed their fury, quickly gaining many allies in the process, mainly out of fear of the ThunderCats.
Was Fucked up good for Kitten Huffing Garfield the cat.
[edit] Ma-Mutt
Though many Ma-Mutts have existed, a number of them having been killed by the ThunderCats' oppressive Thunder Tanks, they have proven to be a lifelong natural adversary of the ThunderCats. One past Ma-Mutt is thought to have been comprised of Stedman Graham and a dead bulldog. Stedman had refused to marry Oprah time and time again, due to her objection to letting a playa play. Finally, he was imprisoned, but escaped from New York in spectacular fashion.
Eventually, fearing for his life due to a curse on his soul and a bounty on his head, as published in the propaganda magazine O, he came across Mumm-Ra. The Ancient One then took him in and agreed to put him in hiding as one of the Ma-Mutts.
However, he was eventually captured and killed, and a new Ma-Mutt took his place, thought to a mix of a captured Snarfer and a dachshund found in an alley.
[edit] The Mutants
Of great concern for the ThunderCats are The Mutants, a band of crafty, in no way stupid, bungling warriors who have hounded the ThunderCats ever since they escaped from their home planet. Routinely in the employ of Mumm-Ra, they typically consist of Slythe, Monkian, Spiderman, Jackalman, Vultureman, Batman, The Blob, Toad, and Avalanche, and all those other mutants who weren't cool enough to be X-men.
[edit] The Berserkers
A shady band of greedy missionaries (and no, we did not mean mercenaries) who in their early years gave up their children and their genitals to Muff-Ra in exchange for mechanical arms, legs, pelvises, etc. With these metal anatomical weapons, they rove the seas virtually unchallenged, searching for people to castrate. To remain consistent with their career title, they leave Gideon Bibles in their victim's ball-free underwear, all the while chanting "Jesus loves you anywaaaay". The gang is led by the infamous Captain Hammerhand.
[edit] Captain Hammerhand
The leader of the Berserkers, this crafty charlatan, in addition to owning a metal arm, is eqipped with some GIGANTIC metal man-junk (often referred to by his crew as "Real Pirate Junk" or "The Vaj-Shatter"). With this impressive mechanical combo, the Captain never ceases to amaze his men with the fourth-of-july-esk shower of sparks that result from his attempt to compensate for his lack of sexual action on the open seas. Being a pirate is tough, matey.
[edit] Third Earth
Third Earth is filled with stuff. Like... think of a thing. Not that. Make it something fantasy or sci-fi esque. There you go - either that thing exists somewhere on Third Earth or (alternatively) it exists on board a space ship that is going to crash land on Third Earth. Unless you were actually thinking of a space ship, in which case, it's going to crash land on Third Earth.
This genius 'Everything' world-design makes writing Thundercats a total cinch - no need for characterisation or plot, just have the cats stumble over some ill-thought out bizzaro shit each episode. They can then spend the first half of the episode working out what the hell they're dealing with, and the second half either beating it up or befriending it. Often both. Easy. Next!
See: Unicorns, Humanoid Robots, Tiny Lilliput People, Clichéd Samurai Warriors, Evil Egyptian Goddesses, Spongefog!!!, Giant Monster Sharks with Spider Legs that Stick Out of their Bodies for No Discernible Purpose
[edit] The Battle for Third Earth
As The GI Joe-Transformers War raged on, another war was brewing, that of the Thunderians and rogue Third Earthians versus Mumm-Ra and his allies. Attempts at diplomacy were a failure, thus war was brought. Though discussions of an alliance with the parties in The GI Joe-Transformers War was bandied about on all sides, no one really wanted to be associated with furries.
[edit] Samoflange
No one knows what the fuck it is yet. Some think it to be a secret doomsday weapon created by the ThunderCats utilizing Kryptonian (ok, let's do this once more: Thu-N-dera, come on, everyone say it with me!) techonology in an attempt to turn the war, while skeptics think it to be complete bull. A new theory is that it is a device that will open a portal to the World of Warcraft, hence every inhabitant of Azeroth seeks to disable the Samoflange to keep the ThunderCats from allying with The Burning Crusade and enslaving them all.
