Tin Foil Hats
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“In Soviet Russia, the hats tinfoil YOU!!!!!!!'”
~ Russian Proverb on who knows what
Contents |
[edit] Tin Foil Hats
A basic guide to your best protection against MTDs(Mentally Transmitted Diseases).
In the 1960s, the intellectual revolutions occurring across the globe led to the massive spread of both thinking, and a second, less forseen effect: Mentally Transmitted Diseases. At the current time, there are an undocumented number of such diseases, including but not limited to:
- Retardation
- Retarded ideas
- Retarded actions
- Jack Thompson Syndrome
- Radical Liberalism
- Televangelism
- Compulsive Lobster Eating
- Half of modern anime
- Islam
- And more
The current best protection against transmission of MTDs is to simply NOT THINK OR EXCHANGE THOUGHTS. However since young people nowadays have no shame, tin foil hats are the best defense available at the time.
[edit] Use of a tinfoil hat
A tinfoil hat is simple and easy to use. Simply mold it into a round shape, and place it on your head like a hat or yarmulke. Wear it like this before engaging in interexchanging of ideas. The prescence of the tinfoil hat should protect you from most ideas, as it will deter all but a few ideas from being expressed to you.
[edit] Construction of a tinfoil hat
Construction of these tools is highly complex, and is not to be attempted by anyone other than professionals. Even the tiniest hole or weak point can lead to puncture, and contamination. If you have no choice, the best way to construct a tinfoil hat is to use multiple large pieces of either tin or aluminum foil and wrap them into a large, round, and concave cap about 1.5 times larger than is needed to fit on your head. From there, press the metal until it is the proper size and shape. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE FABRIC, AS THIS MAY NEGATE THE EFFECTS.
[edit] Misconceptions about tinfoil hats
There are a number of things people believe about tin foil hats which are not true. Bollywood has a lot to answer for.
[edit] Ion Funnels and Mind-Reading Chips
Ion Funnels streaming from the ESPN satellite, directed by the CIA to control your mind can be stopped by correct usage of a tinfoil hat (tfh).
If the CIA puts a mind-reading chip in your brain, a tinfoil hat will not stop it from either operating or broadcasting. It will however block all incoming signals which direct itself to the brain, and scramble outgoing broadcasts to the point where they are unusable by the CIA.
[edit] Protection against alien mind-reading
Alien technology currently outstrips our tinfoil hat systems. Besides, they do it at night. The only reason they do it is to see our sexual fantasies anyway.
If you really want to protect yourself against this kind of thing, you should line your hat with Bounty Paper Towel. This makes the aliens simply see continual re-runs of British porn.
[edit] Dorky
If the person you are sharing ideas with objects to the use of a tinfoil hat, then they are obviously an Alien trying to invade your brain.
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
- Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie - Instructions on how to make and apply.
- The League of Lady Conspiracists - A public service announcement.
