Tinky Winky

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This is the article for Mr. Winky. If you are looking for Tinky Winky's cousin Stinky-Winky Squishy, view the The Great Tellytubby Massacre.

Contents 1 Early Years 2 Merchandise 3 Assassination 4 See Also

[edit] Early Years

Tinky winky was at one point the fearsome god of the darwen people. He was greatly feared and worshipped and had several temples built in his honour. Gradually however his power dwindled and In 1967, Tinky Winky was forced to incarnate into the body of a purple homosexual creature to ensure his continued exsistence. People celebrated on the street and a hope was formed for all pre-educated homosexual children. Tinky Winky was 14 years old when he first got a job, after being expelled from several schools because he made constant advances on the purple dinosaur sitting in front of him. At the age of 21, Tinky became a well-known ((furry)) activist. But after losing his husband, Dipsy, he slipped into a straight streak, and knocked up 32 women in Las Vegas. After picking himself up, Mr Winky cleaned up his act reclaimed his friendship with Dipsy. That friendship would later turn to a lot more, thus making Lala and Po. At the age of 35, Tinky Winky and his crew/family were offered a contract to perform on Tv under the alias of 'The Teletubbies'

On the 37th of November 1991 (coincidently the day after Freddy Mercury's death), The Teletubbies were released. They were worshiped all over the world. The concept of the show was pretty basic. A demented child posing as the sun. A overactive male sex-toy named Noo-noo (who later went on to star as the lead character in CSI: Baghdad). However, the show was pulled because Po repeatedly violated the Tubby Custard machine on-air. This sparked numerous violent protests from the Fathers Against Rude Television (F.A.R.T.) group. The matter was eventually settled, with 3 million pounds of Tubby Toast being paid out, and all members of the cast being neutered (except Lala, who had no balls in the first place).

20 years later, when the Telletubies returned to the air, Tinky Winky received a magic crown and played God until the crown flew away. This caused the theologians of the day to shut down the show with their mighty conservative powers. Tinky Winky would eventually be murdered by the GOP mafia. FUCK!

There woz a teletubie toi wich woz ov tinky winky and soundid liyk it sed I gota gun it said agan agan

[edit] Merchandise

Post-teletubbies Winky involved himself in various odd-jobs, the most profitable was Telletubbies merchandise:

1. Pencils
2. Teletubbies posters
3. Tinky Winky Handguns With Illegal Hollow-Tip Bullets
4. Staple guns
5. Bobbing heads for the Car
6. Purple Hot Cocoa - May Contain Chemicals Used for illegal narcotic manufacture
7. Talking Potties for Potty Training that say "You went in the potty! Well done!"
8. Tinky Winky Toddler Ass-Rape Machine (Comes with Potty).

[edit] Assassination

Main Article:Tinky Winky assassinated.

After Tinky Winky left the Teletubbies, he became a political activist and began seriously considering running for president as a Democrat. But his dreams were tragically cut short on 22 May 2007, when he was gunned down by an unknown assailant on his way out of a women's underwear shop. The car that did the drive-by had a bumper sticker that said "I am not a gangster". It is believed that he was mistaken for cookie monster, the target of many gangs. Gangs have said that they can and will kill the cookie monster, because he "Failed to pay for his cookies" The remaining Teletubbies have arranged for him to be buried in Teletubby land, under the strange, trippy thing that looks like a windmill.

Many other theories, however, have emerged. As this stupid meaningless article has already stated, some claim the GOP Mafia had indeed hired the assailant. Some claim it was Conor Oberst finally doing something instead of sitting around mumbling about Starbuck's Coffee. Some claim it was the ghost of Adolf Hitler.

However, the GOP Mafia has murdered every single theorist except the one about the gangs and the cookie monster.

They will now proceed to kill me.

The remaining Teletubbies have arranged for him to be buried in Teletubby land, under the strange, trippy thing that looks like a windmill. I will probably end up being buried there too.

[edit] See Also

• Teletubbies