Teletubbies

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FACTS DETECTED

“Yo' momma so fact that when she sits around the house, she does so literally!”

~ Emma Watson on facts during a solo freestyle with Chamillionaire
The Teletubbies celebrate after defeating rivals USC 13-10
The Teletubbies celebrate after defeating rivals USC 13-10

“Say, hell-LO!”

~ Narrator on Tinky Winky's Crew

“Purple furry bastard! I'll chib you!”

~ Laa-Laa on Tinky Winky

“In soviet Russia, Tinky Winky is YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on Tinky Winky

“Tinky Winky inspires people!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tinky Winky

“I'd hit it!”

~ Dipsy on Tinky Winky

“Tinky Winky and the Teletubbies are so gay”

~ Captain Obvious on Tinky Winky

“Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, bite my butt!”

~ Talking Po doll on Tinky Winky

The Teletubbies, also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (and "Satan's Little Cousins"[1] to their frustrated rivals), are a paedophile ring who led Notre Dame to two football National Championships between 1920 and 1924. The four were all dominant figures in their respective positions in the back-field, crushing each opponent mightily. After the perfect 1924 season, they became legends not only of Notre Dame, but of the entire United States. Notre Dame had lost only two games combined in the 1922 and 1923 seasons. Both loses came against the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Lincoln before packed houses. They are a group of gay padaflies aimed to destory kids' minds, via teaching them that Homosexuality is acceptable.They fuck litte kids in their sleep and ALWAYS are gay.They have atmited this on YouTube[2].They are also racist. [3]

Contents

Summery

The show is basicly a big gay acid tripe that will have crooks begging for mercy after 2 minutes.

Characters

The Teletubbies looked like a bunch of losers before their plastic surgery.
The Teletubbies looked like a bunch of losers before their plastic surgery.

These are the characters from the show.Most of them have started controversies because of there behavers.[4]

Tinky "Winky" Stuhldreher

Mr. Winky at a recent photo shoot
Mr. Winky at a recent photo shoot

This is the article for Mr. Winky, as managed by his lawyers. If you are looking for Tinky Winky's cousin Stinky-Winky Squishy, view the The Great Teletubby Massacre. Any attempt to vandalise, read or in any way enjoy oneself will be punished to the furthest possible extent of the law. Tinky Winky is a super gay Teletubby from the TV show of the same name.He is purple, dances in tu-tu, carries a female purse, and has an antenna shaped like an ear-lovin' TRIANGLE! Fuck Tinky Winky! He is a weird alien thing and the leader of the previously mentined terroist group. He organises all the group's weekly attacks, hates kids because once a three year old destroyed his things, and he hates Homer Simpson because he's well ummm..... just plain stupid. Contrary to all of this hate, Tinky Winky loves Adam. Tinky Winky was the quarterback of the team. He led the nation in passing all four years that he started. He threw a record 135 career touchdowns, earning him a Purple Heart (later rescinded after discovering that he was not actually in Los Angeles for his alleged 5-touchdown performance against UCLA). Stuhldreher, a 5-7, 151-pounder from Massillon, Ohio, was a self-assured leader who not only could throw accurately but also returned punts and proved a solid blocker. He emerged as the starting signal caller four games into his sophomore season in 1922. He was often labeled cocky, feisty and ambitious, but his field generalship was unmatched. Purple was Stuhldreher's favorite colour and he wore purple shorts under his uniform for all 40 games he started. He often appeared in public with a cow-pattern bag filled with junk. This made the public suspect an alternative lifestyle, which led to him falling into a state of psychosis in which after he graduated he ran around aimlessly, often exclaiming "There's a frickin' baby in the sun!!!". During one game, Tinky Winky was suspended for yelling "I got a gun! I got a gun!" However, Winky claimed that he actually said "I gotta have fun, I gotta have fun." Stuhldreher was the head football coach for 11 years at Villanova, then became athletic director and football coach at Wisconsin. He died in 1950 after overdosing on marshmallow peeps.

Early years

Tinky Winky (birth name Buck Futter) was born in 1957. He was at one point the fearsome god of the darwen people who built the Roonshore Temple now known as Runshaw College in his honour. He was greatly feared and worshipped and had several temples built in his honour. Gradually, however, his power dwindled and in 1969, Tinky Winky was forced to incarnate into the body of a purple homosexual creature to ensure his continued existence. People celebrated on the street and a hope was formed for all pre-educated homosexual children. Tinky Winky was 14 years old when he first got a job, after being expelled from several schools because he made constant advances on the purple dinosaur sitting in front of him. At the age of 21, Tinky became a well-known lawer in Fulham, Slough and Prudhoe. But after losing his husband, Dipshit, he reverted to alcohol and soon enough got sacked. After picking himself up, Mr. Winky cleaned up his act and reclaimed

his friendship with Dipshit. That friendship would later turn to alot more, thus making Lah-Lah and Poop. At the age of 35, Tinky Winky and his crew/family were offered a contract to perform on Teletubbies.
Tinky Winky, taking part in the daily Teletubby orgy.
Tinky Winky, taking part in the daily Teletubby orgy.

Era Of The Teletubbies

On November 17, 1997 (coincidently the day after Freddy Mercury's death), Teletubbies aired. They were worshipped all over the world. The concept of the show was pretty basic. A demented child posing as the sun. A overactive male sex-toy named Noo-noo (who later went on to star as the lead character in CSI: Baghdad). From time to time, the show would proceed without Tinky Winky, because he reverted, again, to alcohol. Arguments started within the family and then Tinky Winky, Noo-Noo and Laa-Laa's ball went missing. A video transmission hosted on juicy-teenies.com revealed that due to Tinky Winky's alchohol problem, he had ran off to Paraguay with Noo-Noo and Laa-Laa's ball. He had killed Noo-Noo and was threatening to pop Laa-Laa's ball with his antler unless the show was cancelled. This, along with Po repeatedly violating the Tubby Custard machine on-air, sparked numerous violent protests from the Fathers Against Rude Television (F.A.R.T.) group. The matter was eventually settled, with 3 million pounds of Tubby Toast being paid out. The next year, when Teletubbies returned to the air, Tinky Winky received a magic crown and played God until the crown flew away. This caused the theologians of the day to shut down the show with their mighty conservative powers. The show was abrubtly cancelled, leaving millions of teenage chavs without any education.

Merchandise

Post-Teletubbies Winky involved himself in various odd-jobs, including: 1. Tinky Winky-faced Pencils 2. Teletubbies posters 3. Tinky Winky Handguns With Illegal Hollow-Tip Bullets 4. Staple guns 5. Personalised gun-holsters 6. Bobble heads for the Car 7. Purple Hot Cocoa - May Contain Chemicals Used for illegal narcotic manufacture 8. Talking Potties for Potty Training that say "You went in the potty! Well done!" 9. Tinky Winky Toddler Ass-Rape Machine (Comes with Potty). 10.Teletubby dildo that tells you when you orgasm and says "Again!Again!". 11.And others more.Tinky Winky is a very profitable item.

Controversies

Tinky Winky as a teenager with his ex-boyfriend
Tinky Winky as a teenager with his ex-boyfriend

Tinky Winky started a still hinted-at controversy in 1999 because of his gay purse.Although he was first "outed" by the academic and cultural critic Andy Medhurst in a letter of July 1997 to The Face,he aroused the interest of Jerry Falwell in 1997 when Falwell alleged that the character is a "gay role model". Falwell issued an attack in his National Liberty Journal, citing a Washington Post "In/Out" column which stated that homosexual comedian Ellen DeGeneres was "out" as the chief national gay representative -- while trendy Tinky Winky was "in."This has caused many Christians to boycott Teletubbies because Tinky Winky and the Teletubbies support homosexuality.He is also found performing his Tinky Winky Round and Round Dance in a ballet-style tutu from time to time[5],which is also often worn by Laa-Laa.(Supporters of the interpretation that Tinky Winky is gay may take this as evidence). A February 1999 article in the National Liberty Journal, published by evangelical pastor Jerry Falwell, warned parents that Tinky Winky is a hidden homosexual symbol, because "he is purple, the gay pride colour, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle, the gay pride symbol".[6]A spokesman for Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., who licenses the characters in the United States, said that the bag was just a magic bag, "The fact that he carries a magic bag doesn't make him a homosexual. It's a children's show, folks. To think we would be putting sexual innuendo in a children's show is kind of outlandish", he added, but we all know that this is a bunch of bull shit and that Tinky Winky IS gay.In May 2007, Polish Ombudsman for Children Ewa Sowińska revisited the matter, and planned to order an investigation.[7] She said in the May 28 2007 edition of Polish magazine Wprost that the woman's handbag-carrying Tinky Winky could promote homosexuality.Journalists from Wprost mentioned claims the Teletubbies promote homosexuality, to which Sowińska replied that she had heard of the issue. The journalists then asked about Tinky Winky. "I noticed that he has a woman's handbag, but I didn't realize he's a boy", Sowińska told the magazine in an interview her office approved before publication, adding: "Later I learned that there could be some hidden homosexual undertones." Sowińska said she would ask her office's psychologists to look into the allegations "and judge whether it can be shown on public television and whether the suggested problem really exists." But on May 30, 2007, Sowińska said in a public statement that she no longer suspected the Teletubbies of promoting homosexuality. She said: "The opinion of a leading sexolgist, who maintains that this series has no negative effects on a child's psychology, is perfectly credible. As a result I have decided that it is no longer necessary to seek the opinion of other psychologists."[8] In an unrelated incident reported in 2000, a girl's Tinky Winky toy reportedly said "I got a gun". Kenn Viselman, then chairman of the Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., claimed the toy actually said "Again, again!", a catchphrase from the show. [9]This has also started controversies because it really DID say I gotta gun because Tinky Winky is GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![10].

Tinky Winky as of early 2007 (before assassination)

After enduring plastic surgery to actually stop making him look like Barney and a frog's lovechild, Tinky Winky was formally working in a post-office in the town of Ovingham. He wrote plays and played golf in his spare time and was a voice-over for the depressing "Hello! Would you like a low cost loan from a company that actually treats you like an intelligent human being? Well, that rules out all of the adverts with talking electrical appliances and Carol Vorderman!" loan ads. You can write to his official fan base: 

    Tinky Winky Fan Base
    437 Cillitbangus street
    DFiuefewfjistan
    Outer Slovakia
    W1NKY 367

Assassination

Main Article:Tinky Winky assassinated.
This is Tinky Winky as he was last seen before murder, fapping off to himself.
This is Tinky Winky as he was last seen before murder, fapping off to himself.

After Tinky Winky left the Teletubbies, he became a political activist and began seriously considering running for president as a Democrat. But his dreams were tragically cut short on May 22 2007, when he was gunned down by an unknown assailant on his way out of a women's underwear shop. The car that did the drive-by had a bumper sticker that said "I am not a gangster". It is believed that he was mistaken for cookie monster, the target of many gangs. Gangs have said that they can and will kill the cookie monster, because he "failed to pay for his cookies". The proprietor of the store took his soft, silky remains into her store and turned them into a fashionable bra. The remaining Teletubbies arranged for him to be buried in Teletubby land, under the strange, trippy thing that looks like a windmill. Many other theories, however, have emerged. As already stated, some claim the GOP Mafia had indeed hired the assailant. Some claim it was Conor Oberst finally doing something instead of sitting around mumbling about Starbuck's Coffee. Some claim it was the ghost of Adolf Hitler. However, the GOP Mafia has murdered every single theorist except the one about the gangs and the cookie monster. Dispite all theories,the correct theory is that Tinky Winky’s assassination was arranged by Barney the Dinosaur.This has been revealed and Barney killed Tinky Winky [11], with a bullet made of pickle. Before the time of Tinky's death, Barney was Tinky's lover.You'd think that they'd love each other, since that they're both purple and gay.Also, they both star in gay children's TV shows.Notably, Tinky Winky was to face a court appearance for allegated homosexual child molestation 3 weeks after he was killed by his father/gay lover, along with the rest of the Teletubbies. Tinky Winky responded to this by listening to MCR and having violent gay sex with Barney. It is thought that Barney is a necrophile, and this may be why he killed Tinky Winky. However, as he's so fuckin' retarded, he screwed up.

Elmer "Dipsy" Layden

Dipsy, played by John Simmit, called "Tipsy" for how he made defenders feel after a crushing block, was the fullback who led the way on many option plays to touchdowns.Also known as Dipshit, he is a VERY, VERY, VERY retarded gay green alien who is a part of this evil organization. He fucks Laa-Laa w/ his antler! The fastest of the quartet, he became the Irish defensive star with his timely interceptions and also handled the punting chores. The 6-foot, 162-pounder from Davenport, Iowa boasted 4-second speed in the 40-yard dash. He didn't carry the ball often, but rather preferred the violence of blocking. He critically injured a record 15 people against Syracuse (charges were dropped). Fond of rabbits, he often became distracted at practices when he began chasing rabbits that often infested the field randomly. Layden coached at his alma mater for seven years and compiled a 48-14-1 record. He also served as athletic director at Notre Dame. After a business career in Chicago, Layden died in 1973 at the age of 70 from a combination of stupidity and AIDS.He is named "Dipsy" because his horn resembles a dipstick, and likes his black and white furry top hat,which he once lost. Laa-Laa found it, but instead of simply returning Dipsy's hat to the stricken Dipsy, she ran around it for about ten minutes shouting "Dipsy Hat! Dipsy Hat!".He is the most stubbon of the Teletubbies, and will sometimes refuse to go along with the other Teletubbies' group opinion. His face is also notably darker than the rest of the Teletubbies, which is why he is racist. [12] He is also often thought to represent African-Americans and therefore is a racial stereotype. The creators have atmited that he is Black.[13]

Jim "Laa-Laa" Crowley

Crowley, who came to Notre Dame in 1921 from Green Bay, Wisconsin, stood 5-11 and weighed 162 pounds. She is yellow, has a curly antenna, and is concerned with the welfare of all. She's the best singer of all the Teletubbies [14] (as well as the best dancer of the Teletubbies)[15], and is a "Drama queen", party-girl, and motherly type. Her favorite thing is a bouncy, orange ball, which is almost as big as she is. Known as "Laa-Laa" for her tendency to hum spunky tunes in the huddle as well as her girliness, great singing ablities, and tendensy to go into Laa-Laa land, Crowley outmaneuvered many a defender with her clever, shifty ballcarrying. She was the halfback who split time with Don "Po" Miller. Oftentimes, all four horsemen were on the same field for the T-bone formation, but usually it was Crowley who got the call on these plays. Compiling 1,000 yards for all four seasons, Crowley was coveted by NFL teams for his speed and versatility. In a stunning move, though, Crowley jumped the NFL in favour for culinary school. He became a successful chef at Chez Chas, but after being caught in a torrid affair with Chas, he was shamed to become the cook at Al's Slop Bucket, a crappy diner on the outskirts of Memphis, Tennessee. It was there that he created the "Tubbie Pancakes", which he named after his pals at Notre Dame. Crowley started as an assistant coach at Georgia. He quickly moved to head coaching positions at Michigan State and Fordham where his famed line, "The Seven Blocks of Granite", included Vince Lombardi. His Fordham teams played in the Cotton Bowl and Sugar Bowl. His overall record was 83-26. He later entered business in Scranton, Pa. Tragically, Laa-Laa died in 1986 at the age of 83. She is often thought to represent Caucasians because of her being the "whitest" and not treating Dipsy fairly.

Don "Po" Miller

Po (played by Rebecca Marr) is the fourth and last Teletubby. She is a stupid alien that makes part of this evil organization. Satoru Iwata is fanatic for this girl (Shigeru Miyamoto says that Iwata has action figures, posters, VHS's and DVD's about Po and even has a Fanclub for her). She has her own game:The Stupid Adventures of Po.In this game, she kills herself, but is revived by Pong, however, she kills herself and Pong again.She is red, has an antenna that is shaped like a stick used for blowing soap bubbles, is the smallest of the Teletubbies (possibly the youngest), and is most often the one who always gets into trouble. She also says the word "Eh-oh" (hello), a word used by all of Teletubbies, and is cubby and cute. Her favorite object is her scooter, which she calls "scoota" (she also calls it "Po 'cooter!",or just "cooter"). Po often wants attention and can sometimes be mischievous and naughty when she disobeys the commands of the "voice trumpets".She is the only bilingual Teletubby, speaking English (the broadcasting country's language) and Chinese, is a problem solver and "spider-fighter", and is a Tomboy type.Of all the Teletubbies, Po usually becomes most involved with the audience. She loves both attention and her curly red circular antenna on her head. In the Teletubbies' house, she sleeps at the side of all the other Teletubbies and sometimes eats Tubby Toast while the others are sleeping. Po is voiced by Pui Fan Lee, which is why she can speak in dual languages. Po was called such because she was so kind that people said she was "practically half-pope". Somebody very clever then called her Po. Miller, a native of Defiance, Ohio, followed his three brothers to Notre Dame. At 5'11", 160 pounds, Miller proved to be the team's breakaway threat. Miller often caught passes out of the back-field, which made her ahead of her time (seeing that the forward pass was not yet legal). Referees did not care, however, because often they had money on the game in favor of Notre Dame. Unfortunately, right before the 1924 season she came down with a bad disease. She developed television-stomatitis - a condition which frequently causes large magnets to be deadly. Knowing this vital weakness, USC magnetised their stadium in Po's last game. Although Notre Dame still won, less than a week later, Miller fell ill and slipped into a coma which lasted for seven days. She left coaching after four years at Georgia Tech and began practicing law in Cleveland. She was appointed U.S. District Attorney for Northern Ohio by President Franklin Roosevelt, and died in 1979 at the age of 77.A girl's talking Po doll was thought to be saying "faggot faggot, faggot faggot, faggot faggot, bite my butt!", as well as "fatty, fatty". (Supporters of the interpretation that Tinky Winky is gay may take this as evidence.) The toy was recalled and it was revealed to have said "fidit, fidit," inspired by the Cantonese for "faster, faster." [16]

The Stupid Adventures of Po

The Stupid Adventures of Po is a shame for the Nintendo Game Square starring Po.In the game, Po wakes up one day and notices that the Teletubbies were kidnapped by Satoru Iwata, so she decides to kill everyone until she finds the others.

Worlds

Criticism

  • Many criticized the game because there was too much nincompoopness such as Po coming back and forth from her house and didn't recognize it.
  • There was too much blood, note that: in every frame of the game there's blood.
  • Po is so stupid that after beating the last boss she looked in a mirror in the boss room, thought that she was another boss and killed herself.

Morals

  • Po is stupid
  • Never try to be Po
  • Never play this game
  • Never talk to strangers

Noo-Noo

Noo-Noo (prononced Nuu-Nuu) seems to be both the Teletubbies guardian and/or housekeeper because it looks like a vacuum cleaner, which is its initial purpose in the house. Noo-Noo hardly ventures outside, instead remaining indoors and constantly cleaning with its sucker-like nose. It does not speak like the other characters, instead communicating through a series of slurping and sucking noises. At times, Noo-Noo gets annoyed with the Teletubbies antics and can vacuum their food or toys. This usually prompts the Teletubbies to scold Noo-Noo through a cry of "Naughty Noo-Noo!". Usually after this, Noo-Noo flees and the Teletubbies pursue it comically around the house until they grow tired, are distracted by something, or forgive Noo-Noo. This sequence ends with them hugging it, or with it shooting out their absorbed objects. It is thought to be the "adult" of the show and like Spongebob of Spongebob Squarepants is thought to be asexual.

Other

The show also features the voices of Toyah Willcox and Eric Sykes, and occasionally Sandra Dickinson and Penelope Keith, all of whom provide narration.The only physical cast member is Tamzin Griffin, who plays the manic "Funny Lady".The Sun is personified with the face of baby Jessica Smith, who is believed to have been around seven months old at the time of filming[17]Jessica Smith played the part of "Baby Sun" in the programme. Her giggle was used on the Teletubbies 1997 chart-topper "Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh!". Though not credited for this "performance", she is the youngest person to have appeared on a no.1 single. We are currently trying to ascertain her precise age at the time of recording; it is certainly less than one year old and thought to be around the devenmonth mark. Her giggle was included in the single Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh!. Although not credited, this makes her technically the youngest person ever whose vocal appeared on a number one song.

Character mnemonics

For parents and others who don't watch the show, but want to tell the characters apart, say, for a toddler who wants you to get them a particular doll, the antenna shapes provide mnemonic clues:

  • Triangle: "Tinky-Winky"
  • Dipstick: "Dipsy"
  • curLy: "Laa-Laa"
  • circle: "O" shape rhymes with "Po"

The Teletubbies' instruments

Controversies

The Teletubbies say the "Eh-oh" (hello)."Eh-oh" is considered by many to be another word for Satan[18]Also,people have said that Teletubbies is uneducational[19].The creators have stated their opinons on the matter.[20]Another wide-ranging controversy is about the alleged gender confusion caused by two of the characters having homosexual traits: one of the male characters have female traits, and one of the female characters have male traits. At least one young children's teacher in Brazil conduced experiments involving children's reaction to some episodes, and found they experienced problems with the gender roles of the characters and their own identification with them. Some parents as a result have forbidden their children watching the program, and others do allow but with direct supervision to ensure the children identify only with the "straight" characters.[21] The Teletubbies have also been criticized for promoting racism. Here is why:Dipsy shows many "black" overtones at times and is always picked on by the other characters. This is thought by many to be hinted racism just like the character of Tinky Winky is thought to be a hinted symbol of homosexuality. In Decmeber 2006 the NACCP president requested that the show be pulled from ever again being shown on public television for "espousing the white homosexual supremacist movement". The Organization of Asian-Americans echoed the call for the show's pulling because of the racial sterotypes of the charcter Po.Laa-Laa is thought to represent "whites" and is often criticized for being racist to the charcters Dipsy (African-American) and Po (Asian), and is also more friendly to the character Tinky Winky (homosexual) suggesting that the writers of the show want to "brainwash" the show's predomiatly white audinence of 2-5 year-olds into being racist to Afrcan-Americans and Asians as an adult but supporting the gay rights movement. In a 2005 study by several unnamed universities under the banner of Orginaztion for the study of the impact of PBS (OSIPBS) released their findings showing that 78% of children 2-5 years old identified Laa-Laa as their favorite character. This is exacly in line with the allegedbeliefs of the shows writers.Po is also thought to represent Asians, criticized for the same reasons as Dipsy.

The Great Teletubby Massacre

The Great Tubby Massacre (also called the Massacre of the Squishy Clan) occurred over the hills and far away, destroyed by the Remote Control Clan. That time, nuclear bombs were not invented, and this was how everything happened. Actually, only the Squishy Family was killed and nobody else, however, the official name is still that. The Squishy Family and the Remote Control clan were on a strong alliance when Grandfatherofpoo Squishy was in charge of the Squishy family. They were happy as Grandfatherofpoo had always given the Remote Controls delicious Tubby Custard while the Remote Control Clan had always been helping to keep the huge family under control using their remote controls. However, when Fatherofpoo Squishy took charge, things took a change. Fatherofpoo was stingy and refused to give the Remote Control Clan enough Tubby Custard for them to refill their batteries. Thus, the Remote Control Clan began to make a fuss and protest, finally resorting to the destruction of the Squishy Clan. The Squishy Clan massacre took three days and three nights, as there were just too many tellytubbies and too many remote controls. However, Poo Squishy was spared as there was no "self-destruct" button on his remote control, and the "Blow Up" button on his remote control was coated in Mars-Bars' blood (a.k.a. chocolate). Thus, Poo Squishy escaped on that very night, vowing to destroy Uchiha Sasuke, the heiress of the Remote Control Clan and thus destroying the Clan once and for all. Poo Squishy was last sighted at a plastic surgery centre and was never seen once more after than.

Members of the Squishy Family

Poo Squishy, aged 37, is the youngest daughter of Fatherofpoo and Motherofpoo. She was the sole survivor of the Great Tellytubby Massacre, who was last seen undergoing plastic surgery.

Fatherofpoo Squishy, aged 127, is the father of Stinky-Winky, Dipstick, Mars-Bars and Poo.

Motherofpoo Squishy, aged 2, is the mother of Stinky-winky, Dipstick, Mars-Bars and Poo.

Stinky-Winky Squishy, aged 198, is the eldest son of Fatherofpoo Squishy, who worked as a garbage collector. He was known to have a relationship with Barney, Elmo, Poo, Uchiha Sasuke and Motherofpoo.

Dipstick Squishy, aged 7, is the second eldest son of Fatherofpoo Squishy. He was this lazy slut who failed to find the meaning why Elmo just had to have crayons.

Mars-Bars Squishy, aged 1789, was the eldest daughter and third child of Fatherofpoo and Motherofpoo Squishy. She was Poo's best friend ever since young, and died of heart disease in the Great Tubby Massacre. However, Poo still sees Mars-Bars in her dreams, promising her that once she had finished with her plastic surgery, she would go gallivanting in the Camp of the Remote Controls and slay the heiress of the Remote Control Clan, Uchiha Sasuke.

Members of the Remote Control Clan

Uchiha Sasuke Remote Control, the chickenhead transsexual who is labelled as an heiress instead of a heir because of his demands. He has a dream to eat sausages cooked by his cousin, Orochimaru Remote Control.

The Great Teletubby War

War loves this article!
  The First Horseman of the Apocalypse - The Great Lord of War - loves this article with all his wounded heart.
The violent content of this article is such that the Prince of War finds this article much amusing.

"Ye shall hath all thine blood spilled do you not avert thine eyes!"
Seriously, go away!

The Tubby Union shown launching a nuclear attack on the People's Teletubby Republic
The Tubby Union shown launching a nuclear attack on the People's Teletubby Republic

The Great Teletubby War is a series of battles that began in 2000 and ended in 4234. This conflict was the result of a disagreeance between The Tubby Union (consisting of Generals Tinky Winky and Dipsy) and The People's Teletubby Republic (consisting of Laa-Laa and Po) It is noted as the most violent war in all of history, as their were approximately 12 billion Teletubby casualties.

Origin and Social Impact

Although the exact origin is unknown, there is evidence that the war was the result of the splitting of Teletubbyland into to separate nations known as the Tubby Union and the People's Teletubby Republic. Both La La and Po felt that the current capitalist government was not sufficient to govern the people of the land. Generals Tinki Winki and Dipsi Disagreed. Some Believe that La La and Po were only interested in ceasing power. The lands split, and great changes occurred. For example, Teletubbyland had never been controlled by any one teletubby, as even during wars, there was no need to do so. But when they split up, both sides formed there own executive offices. The Tubby Union had a president and vice-president, and the People's Teletubby Republic had Emperor and the People's Grand High Tubby (acting president and social spokes person).

Chemical Weaponry

Teletubbian Anthrax

A synthetic variant of normal Anthrax, designed to survive for years at a time and infect a variety of food stuffs eaten in Teletubbbyland. Although first created by the Tubby Union, it was quickly became a counter-weapon of the People's Teletubby Republic. Production and usage was discontinued in 2,991 due to high manufacturing and vaccination.

Tubbian Antigen

Another synthetic illness created for use as a weapon. It was created and used exclusively by the People's Teletubby Republic after they saw the effectiveness of Teletubbian Anthrax. It remained prominent until 21 years after the war, at which time vaccinations became available. It finally went extinct in 4,192 as a result of through vaccination.

Agent Wahda

Equal Parts Hydrogen Cyanide, Toxaphene, and Methyl isocyanate, Agent Wahda was made and used exclusively by the Tubby Union for around 500 years as a chemical weapon and dispensed through dusters, helicopters, and Noo-Noos. Agent Wahda proved highly effective, far more than the other Chemical Weapons, killing at least 731,000,000 teletubbies until the end of the war. Even after for 350+ years it killed roughly 231,000 people a year due to it's persistence in the environment.

The SuperTubby

Only thought to be a myth by both the Tubby Union and The People's Teletubby Republic, the SuperTubby project was prophecised to bring total destruction. Created by HoovHoov and his comrades TyboTybo and JerJer, Project SuperTubby was funded by the massive seizures of custard in the Socialist Republic of NooNoo, SuperTubby was a living chemical powered by a fusion reactor of pure evil. His very essencce brought fear into the heart of JerJer, who ended up going crazy and attempted to murder Professor HoovHoov and Doctor TyboTybo. TyboTybo took the telebullet and saved HoovHoov in the process. HoovHoov later succumbed to his injuries from late nights with AlanaNana and his excessive identity crisis. He managed to activate the SuperTubby but it was to powerful for him, killing him instantly. The SuperTubby killed 345,683,836 Tubbians with his gas based weapons until HoovHoov's greatest friend NoseNoso managed to defeat it with a quadratic missile. The exploits of HoovHoov and his loyal science brigades are remembered every 10th of Teletober with his national day of mourning, in the new National Commutele Republic.

Operation Retard Round-Up

In the Spring of 2784 with dwindling custard supplies, the Tubby Union authorised Operation Retard Round-Up to recover over 250,000,000 barrels of pure tubby custard stolen by NoSaltNoSalt, Osama Bin Emo and CowboyBoy. Special Tubby Team 4 was called in to extract all barrels of tubby custard and to exterminate the 3 thieves. The team, consisting of SkellyTor, DrugsRUs, Weioki, TeeBone, MaximusNoseus and CommuHoov, managed to breach the defenses at Yogle but were captured by TeamoEmo at the Checkers and Board armoury.As the team was being interrogated CommuHoov managed to eliminate Osama Bin Emo with an oversized Tubby Blaster and then broke Special Tubby Team 4 out of captivity and then they proceeded to hunt down NoSaltNoSalt and CowboyBoy. DrugsRUs was thought to have been killed by a group of rampaging "telefairies" but he was later found to have actually overdosed on pure custard and TeleBiotics. As the team was mourning DrugsRUs, CowboyBoy struck, ambushing Tubby Team 4 in the Tubby Valley by using his stampeding cows to break the walls at TubbyDam, flooding Tubby Valley with custard. The deaths of SkellyTor and Weioki came almost immediately as they sacrificed themselves to allow the remaining team members to climb up into the Tubby Mountains. CowboyBoy tracked the remaining three tubbians to the Narrow Tub Pass where he ambushed them with his SuperCow Helicopter. TeeBone managed to bring the helicopter down using his Takawadaodda but he was killed when the Copter crashed into Mount Tuberest.MassiveNoseus and CommuHoov trekked to NoSalt Fortress and found the Custard Hideout, but NoSaltNoSalt sent his minions Annoying7 and HippyHip to get rid of CommuHoov and MassiveNoseus. MassiveNoseus was saved by CommuHoov and then dispatched of HippyHip and Annoying7 with extreme force by removing their TubbyTVs. When MassiveNoseus and CommuHoov broke into the Custard Warehouse, the real leader of the Breakaway Tubby Conglomerate - The DoeyDero emerged. He attacked with NothingStatement Missiles and his RandomSwearing Grenades, critically injuring MassiveNoseus in the process. MassiveNoseus cracked the CustardCode and the custard finally flowed back into the Custard River saving, billions of lives. CommuHoov left his dying friend's side and hooked up a magnet to a generator and fried DoeyDero like a TubbyBurger. CommuHoov, critically wounded by the electrical outburst, called in a Tubby-52 Bombing run to remove all evidence of the Tubby Conglomerate and once again, save Teletubby Land, at the cost of his team and his life.Special Tubby Team 4 is remembered by SkellyTor's hair, DrugsRUs' massive drug collection, TeeBone's eccentric behaviour, Weioki's girlfriend YogleLaura, MassiveNoseus' contributions to the fields of TeleMath and CommuHoov's interest rates and strange beards. With Tubby Team 4 buried at the foot of Mount Tuberest, their legacy of heroism, drug addiction, intelligence and excessive swearing lives on to this day.

Project Eh-oh

Near the end of the wars, the Tubby Union was facing decline, and feared that the People's Teletubby Republic were developing a mega-weapon. In panic they began working on their own project. After 247 years of work, they had developed the modern Tubonium Bomb. The bomb was created with the highly unstable element of tubonium that had been discovered about 700 years earlier. Tubonium cannot be made or sustained for any period of time due to it's high atomic number (321) without the use of Spluje, another invention of the teletubbies. Spluje increased the half-life of all elements exponentially, thus making tubonium possible. The tubonium bomb proved to be a major success, determined to be 26 times as devastating as a hydrogen bomb.

Tubonium Bomb Devastation and Peoples Teletubby Republic Surrender

On June 4th 4,110, the first tubonium bomb went off in the metropolis of Qay Qay. 213,000,000 teletubbies were killed instantly, but the People's Teletubby Republic refused to surrender. Then, exactly 2 months later, (I'm bad at maths,) the second bomb went off. A week later, The People's Teletubby Republic officially surrendered, marking the end of the great war. The People's Teletubby Republic and the Tubby Union were once again the same nation.

The Tubby Union

Tinky Winky

President of the Tubby Union (Now Deceased, assailanted by Barney the Dinosaur. Some cited witnesses who said they saw a televised broadcast of a rogue unicorn ritually beheading him and raving about revenge. But such witnesses have long since been confirmed to be high on swamp gas)

Dipsy

Vice-President of the Tubby Union (Still living...and in rehab)

The Legendary White Teletubby

Arms Director (Also still living, self-proclaimed protector of tubbyland)

People's Teletubby Republic

Laa-Laa

Great and Glorious Emperor - true ruler and military head hancho (AWOL and possibly undead)

Po

People's Grand High Tubby - Acting president and social spokes person (Currently trying to track down the teletubby above)

The Great Black Teletubby

People's Weapons Representative (Self proclaimed endangerer of the realm)

HoovHoov

Political Involvement Director/Head Scientist responsible for NooNoo Imploder (Died in activation of SuperTubby project)

The Legend

While it's been over 80 years since the quartet played college football, their legend lives on. There may be no more recognizable nickname in all of sports than the one Rice bestowed upon the four players. That was underscored in 1998 when the USPS honored the Four Horsemen with their own stamp as part of 15 commemorative postage stamps saluting "The Roaring Twenties." Unfortunately, their planet was blown up by the Death Star.However the legend of the Teletubbies will live on forever in the form of their PBS show, which chronicles the life and times of these horsemen.

In popular culture

  • Several episodes of The Simpsons contain references to the Teletubbies. Notable episodes include "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses" where a character called Gaa Gaa says "hurt everyone" which goes unnoticed because of the character's "cute name", and "Blame It on Lisa" in which Bart watches a Brazilian children's learning show called "Teleboobies" which has a different premise but the title is an obvious pun. In "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder", Homer dresses up as a Teletubby to entertain Maggie. His line, "...and I'm all man, in case you heard otherwise" is a reference to the Tinky Winky controversy. In "Missionary: Impossible", several PBS mainstays chase Homer for reneging on a pledge to donate money to public television. The crowd includes the Teletubbies whose headgear shoots laser bursts. On another occasion, the Teletubbies make what the announcer calls "their first live appearance since Tinky Winky was acquitted of manslaughter". Character Milhouse Van Houten is apparently a closet fan, as evidenced by his undergarments and his private TV viewing. Also on "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken", Milhouse has Dipsy and Tinky Winky briefs.
  • In an episode of South Park called "Ike's Wee Wee", Mr. Garrison is watching the Teletubbies at home while stoned.
  • The Australian sketch show Full Frontal included many sketches featuring "Telestubbies" named Drinky-Drinky,Tipsy, Blah-Blah, and Paro. These four Teletubby look-alikes, emblazoned with Australian beer labels and with beer taps on their heads, would wander around aimlessly committing crimes.
  • The New Zealand show Mai Time had a sketch entitled "Smellie Grubbies", the characters names being Stinky Winky(Wairua Rutene), Dipstick (James Sutherland), Mars Bar(Jordan Sutherland) and Poo(John Bright).
  • In an episode of Grounded for Life, Claudia thought that Jimmy was high on drugs because he was laughing while watching Teletubbies. Eddie then asked Jimmy why he was laughing. Jimmy responded "Oh. Po tripped over Laa-laa and fell in the flower bed." Eddie then explained it to Claudia.
  • In an episode of Arthur, Buster claims Muffy as "the fifth Teletubby" in "The Contest", the first segment of "The Contest/Prove It". There also seems to be at least three Teletubbies equivalents in the series, known as "Love Ducks", "Vidiboobies", and "Silly Squirrels".
  • An episode of the TV sketch show Harry Enfield and Chums featured a "Telecockneys" sketch based on four Cockney characters Lovely Jubbly, Geezer, Beer Gut and Boff (together with the "Loo Loo") in a pub.
  • In an episode of the British cartoon sketch show 2DTV, "The Talibannies" are featured, one of them being "Bin-LaLa", referencing the Taliban and Bin Laden.
  • In the webstrip Sluggy Freelance dated 9 March 1999, the characters Torg and Riff discuss the fact that "Drinky Winky" from the "Teletubbles" is "an abusive drunk because of the bottle of booze he carries", says Torg reading from a newspaper. Riff counters saying "That's not a bottle of booze! It's his magic bottle that makes his problems go away! (...) never mind." Torg goes on reading, "The abusive side of Drinky Winky is demonstrated by..." to which Riff argues "Tipsy and Hoe had it coming!"
  • In The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers, the "Rendoosian" word for "television" is "Telebooby", which sounds like "Teletubby".
  • In 1998, Tom Fulp of Newgrounds created a spoof of Teletubbies called "Teletubby Fun Land"[22]" which resulted in a law suit from the BBC[23]. This resulted in a boost of notoriety and media exposure,and the video was renamed "Tellybubby Fun Land".
  • In an episode of the HBO prison series Oz an allusion to a "Twinky Dink" is mentioned in conjunction with the comments made by evangelist Jerry Falwell's "outing" of Tinky Winky.
  • In an episode of The Fairly Oddparents, when Timmy was trapped by his "imaginary" friend from preschool revived into real life, the "Teebietubbies" were ordered to attack him.
  • In an episode of Kim Possible where a few characters are sent into television programmes, one of the channels shown features Teletubby-like creatures. An enormous one called Mr Sit-Down stomps on various villains over the course of the show by sitting on them.
  • In the Robot Chicken episode "Junk in the Trunk", there is a segment in which the red Teletubby, Po, is shown smoking.
  • In an episode of Whose Line is it Anyway?, during a game of Film/TV/Theatre Styles, Teletubbies was performed, with Ryan Stiles warning the others of the "evil purple one".
  • In the Netherlands, the Dutch public channel had a version called De Teringtubbies. This was broadcast at Ned2, and was part of the BNN programming. It received various critics, many people (especially the young) thought it was funny, hilarious, and perhaps even cult, but at the same time, many people (including the creators of the Teletubbies) thought it went too far over the edge, for one Teringtubbie was called "Tietentubbie" (Titstubbie), a "tubbie" wandering around in a yellow Lala outfit, with her breasts hanging out of the costume, and the name of the programme literally ment Tuberculosistubbies. There were only 10 episodes made of The Teringtubbies.
  • In the episode of Family Guy "A hero sits next door", Stewie is forced to watch Teletubbies' after Lois catches him reading mature books. Stewie then gets sucked into the show and cannot get his focus off the TV until Peter changes the channel to watch his own programme.
  • In 2007, Australian comedy team The Chaser sent a person in a Tinky Winky suit to a gay bar and a Polish club to see what the general reactions would be. Tinky Winky was welcomed into both establishments.
  • The Doctor Who episode "The Sound of Drums" features the Master commenting on an episode of Teletubbies: "Televisions in their stomachs! That's evolution!" This is an allusion to the classic series story The Sea Devils, in which the Master is seen enjoying The Clangers and making a similar sarcastic comment on the characters.
  • The BBC series Goodness Gracious Me presents a supposedly Indianised parody of the show, called Delhitubbies.
  • The Stone Temple Pilots video of "Sour Girl" features creatures that interact with the band that heavily resemble the Teletubbies.

In other media

Alternative names

The Teletubbies have been broadcast in many different countries, thus involving a foreign title.

Broadcasters around the world

Triva

  • Dipsy is the only Teletubby with black leather.For this is discriminated against constantly.
  • The Teletubbies eat children. The rectangle on their abdomen always shows what is inside their stomach.
  • An entity with the highest intellectual quotient of the Teletubbies is the vacuum cleaner, Noo-Noo.
  • Tinky Winky is the only Teletubby who has a last name.The other three are called by the name only because they are key witnesses in a process of mafia.
  • The rabbits living in the garden of Teletubbies dolls are actually very realistic.
  • The boy trapped in the sun is God.
  • Noo-Noo, the vacuum of Teletubbies, is tortured by Laa-Laa during the night with its long trunk.
  • Po is delayed.
  • During the show the Teletubbies, the word "hello" is repeated 254 times on average.But that is not what makes retards of children who watch the show. What is really damaging is the tone used by ebet continuously.
  • Chuck Norris has tried to get rid of Teletubbies for three times, but always had to postpone because grasped at every attempt by diarrhea fulminant.
  • Bear has Sbrana Mirko, the fifth Teletubbies, that this has never appeared on television.
  • The hill where the Teletubbies live is actually a landfill. This justifies different things: the idiocy of congenital Teletubbies (radiation, contaminated food, etc.), the presence of Noo-Noo and hallucinations continue (emergence from nothing more various objects).
  • According to the American biologist Teletubbies would be some survivors Chernobyl.According to the survivors of the Chernobyl Teletubbies instead represent the average American population.
  • (True fact) Po is two meters high and a half, Tinky Winky is the top three.
  • The Teletubbies are composed of the scrotum of giraffe and vomiting of bands (See shit)

Funding

List of Tubby nicknames

Stinky Winky/Dinky Winky/Tinky Wanker/Waluigi, Drinky-Drinky, Dipshit/Dipstick/Wario, Lah-Lah/La-La/la-la/la la/lala/Luigi Pee-Pee/Mars-Bar, and Pot/poo/Mario.

References

  1. ↑ http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Talk:Teletubbies#Little_known_facts
  2. ↑ http://youtube.com/watch?v=BNkQKiihFMA
  3. ↑ http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Teletubbies#Controversies_2
  4. ↑ [1]
  5. ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XKbqIAJtBg Video "Tinky Winky Gets Shot" at YouTube.
  6. ↑ http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F05E4DD1F3BF932A25751C0A96F958260
  7. ↑ BBC News article on the Polish gay Teletubby controversy
  8. ↑ "Polish watchdog backs away from Teletubbies probe", cbc.ca, May 30 2007, [2], retrieved May 31 2007
  9. ↑ Dotinga, Randy. "Lawsuit to Target Teletubbies for Gun Talk", APBNews, April 12, 2000. 
  10. ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJt1U_8UYBs Video "Tinky Winky Says 'I've Got A Gun'" at YouTube.
  11. ↑ http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Barney_the_Dinosaur_responsible_for_death
  12. ↑ [3]
  13. ↑ http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/parentsteachers/progfaq.html
  14. ↑ http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=evpGgrhnsL8
  15. ↑ http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=XxciMdQ8iq8
  16. ↑ http://crossroad.to/Q&A/Toys-Games/teletubbies.htm Teletubbies Q&A's
  17. ↑ http://www.everyhit.com/record3.html Singles and Artists.Record Breakers and Trivia
  18. ↑ http://manaboutthehouse.wordpress.com/2007/04/04/hello-world/
  19. ↑ http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/287940.stm
  20. ↑ http://crossroad.to/text/articles/teletubbies10-99.html
  21. ↑ http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Teletubbies_-_Controversy/id/5509312
  22. ↑ Newgrounds Presents: Teletubby Fun Land
  23. ↑ Newgrounds Literature
  24. ↑ "Jeep Touts Timeless Fun" - Ad Week, July 30, 2007
  25. ↑ "Just Call Matsuzaka ‘Dipsy’" - The New York Times, September 17, 2007

See also

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