Toga

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Toga.

Roman Ged up from the feet up

Similar in colour, taste and dimensions to the modern day towel, the ancient Toga was the main garment worn by Romans. It allowed them easy access and the ability to get it on relatively quickly, and when Romans want to get it on, they get it on.

1 History
2 Significance
3 Varieties
4 Modern usage

[edit] History

The Toga was like an ancient towel. Because in Ancient Rome people were always getting wet and they needed to find a way to stay dry. When jesus suggested that they carry around a towel with them, the Romans were all like "Jesus, you did not go there" and decided that they should do him one better. From then on, just to shit Jesus, every roman wore his brilliant Towel idea, except they renamed the garment the Toga and offered him no recognition because he was totally a tool. The Toga is also part of the official dress of the proud people of Svalbard

Seriously Jesus move the fuck on.

[edit] Significance

Does this really need to be explained, I mean seriously... They're like pimp-tastic deluxe.

[edit] Varieties

There were many kinds of toga, each used differently.

Toga virilis (or toga alba or toga pura): A lame ass white toga... Imagine your local Hobo, now imagine him being Roman... It's like what he's wearing.

Toga candida: "Bright toga"; A bright motherfucker of a Toga, only worn by the Pimpest of pimps

Toga praetexta: A white Toga with a fagged up purple stripe. It was worn by:
- young un's
- Lawyers... or something.
- Ex-Lawyers... I dunno
- Paedophiles
- Something about star wars
- The king

These guys were aight... i guess.

People were very orange back in the day

Toga pulla: Literally "African-american toga". Worn mainly by Black Jesus and Kanye West.

Toga picta: This Toga was like knitted and stuff, which is for women... But generals wear it
- Conclusion: Romans were wierd.

Toga trabea: This came in three flavours: grape, grape and lemonade and red and grape. This was not popular as people got all sticky when it rained. And no one likes being sticky... No one.