Tom Hanks

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Tom Hanks' love of extreme sports generated his venture into the games market, with classics such as the Tom Hanks' Proskater series, Joe vs the Volcano II and Philadelphia.

“Life is like a watching a Tom Hanks movie, You never know when you are going to lapse into a coma”

~ Forrest Gump on Tom Hanks

“Sometimes I masterbate watching Forest Gump. I just fucking love the retards”

~ Gordon Brown on Forest Gump

Tom Hanks, also known as Tom Wanks, started out in the middle ages as a camera grip. His feelings for dinosaurs was at the very least nonexistent and at most in violation of several sexual laws of physics and quantum mechanics. The problem was mainly that Hanks, who was paid to give a blow job to the cameraman, managed to appear in 80% of all the shots, thus rendering the entire film useless. Unfortunately the movie studio could not fire him on account of Hanks being a retard in combination with positive discrimination acts that needed to be followed.

In order not to have to file for a chapter 11 the movie studio's took the worthless film material and edited this in such a way that in the end they had a 90 minute feel good movie with Hanks in the lead. The enormous amount of material with hanks running around like a clueless git was of such a nature that several movies could be produced with reediting it and some other clever movie tricks like :

• Running the reels backwards
• Play pieces at variable speeds
• Use crayon on the celluloid
• Put in subliminal messages like "YOU DID NOT SEE THE MICROPHONE BOOM" or "LAUGH YOU TWAT , EVERYBODY GETS IT BUT YOU, THIS MAKES PERFECT SENCE"

[edit] Movies produced with the failed 70's material

• Bosom Buddies (aka Tootsie) with Dustin Hoffman and Billy Joel.
• The man that had (at least) two pair of shoes ( at one time ).
• Of normal posture for my age
• No, I don't wanna.
• Stinking dog movie III

[edit] Tom Hanks Claim to fame

Some of the most notable characteristics tom hanks is know and famous for.

• A Gazillion movies with Meg Ryan
• His ability to utilize his large collection of difficult looking thinking faces.
• An uncanny sense of others' penis size.
• His ability to become confused in an instant.
• And stickin "it" in other guys.
• Used to design clothing for Hamsters whilst working for LLord William Harrington.
• Being completely invincible in MUGEN

[edit] The Other Tom

Tom Hanks seen crying after Green killed his dog in a freak-zamboni accident.

Tom Green has riddled Hanks' life with his unruly behavior and underrated humor. He claims to be "funny as hell" yet, Hanks does not agree. Even though Green has vowed to conquer his foe, Hanks does not retaliate in any way and, for the most part, tries to ignore the problem.

[edit] The Other Other Tom

Tom Hank's hair, is, in fact, another Hanks in general. It is believed that this 'other other Tom' is a violent alcoholic who refuses to go to AAA. It also has a problem with Tom Green, even stating at a press conference, "That bitch got nuthin on me." This was the original inspiration for the da Vinci Code as well as the Series Of Unfortunate Events...series (not just some random emo kid).

[edit] Most notable movies

Because cinemas during the 80's laced the popcorn with LSD and lots of people actually started to like Tom Hanks because of this. Much to the horror of the movie industry the demand for more Hanks movies resulted in the following catastrophes :

• Shaving Ryan's Private's XXX - A Home made Porn with Meg Ryan
• Saving Ryan's Private's XXX- sequel to Shaving Ryan's Private's
• That Thing You Do XXX - an instructional video with Meg Ryan showing how she does that thing that always gets him up
• Wide awake in Wichita - A mind numbingly obvious plot with Meg Ryan
• You got a postcard. ( With Meg Ryan )
• Toy story - ( XXX rated ), Hey, He was called WOODY. Need we go into this further ?
• Insomnia in Illinois ( Also with Meg Ryan )
• Ground control to major Tom - As himself, Watch what happens if you put an actor on a spaceship.
• You got a Telegram. ( Again with Meg Ryan )
• Forrest Gump - As himself.
• pedophilia - as Andrew Beckett, who gets aids from a 12 year old son of a crack whore.
• narcolepsy In New York - ( I'm pretty sure Meg Ryan is in there somewhere ).
• The Terminal - Hanks dies 2 minutes into the movie, Roll Titles, (*)Greatest Hanks movie ever.
• Sleepwalking in Sacramento - With Ryan of course
• You Got Pwned, LoL - Hanks And Ryan battle it out In Counterstrike without knowing there true identities.
• Cast Away - Tom hanks teaches fishing in the Norwegian fjords of death. (documentary) .
• Cast Away 2 - ( XXX rated ), Tom and a volleyball get busy on an uncharted island.

From the Semi intellectual movies from books section :

• Return of the Da Vinci Code
• Bride of the Da Vinci Code
• Son of the Da Vinci Code
• I Pity the Fool who Thinks all this Da Vinci Code Bullshit is True starring Mr. T
• Da Vinci, International Code of Mystery
• Da Vinci Code II: Who Would Jesus Kill?
• Da Vinci Code III: Da Vinci, Where`s My Car?
• Da Vinci Code IV: The Vatican Strikes Back
• Da Vinci Code V: Gods Gone Wild
• Da Vinci Code VI: Snakes In An Art Gallery (starring Samuel L Jackson).
• Da Vinci Code VII : The Hidden Mystery of the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.
• Da Vinci Code 404: Error
• Da Vinci Code 419 (In which the Holy Grail is transferred to your bank account by someone in Nigeria).
• Da Vinci Code 420: The Quest for the Holy Herb.
• Da Vinci Code 4:21 : The Day After
• Da Vinci Code 666: How the Grinch Stole Christians
• Da vinci Code 9,072,087:I still know that you scream when Da Vinci says you've got mail in the little shop arond the corner
• Da Vinci in da Hood
• Da Vinci, Silence of the Code
• Da Vinci Code: I Am Leg-End (starring Will Smith)
• Da Vinci's : Plan to Piss Off the World.

And the series :

• Losing Private Richard Reiben.
• Unable to save Private Daniel Jackson.
• Thats the last of Private Stanley Mellish.
• Private Adrian Caparzo has snuffed it.
• Finding Captain John Millers hearing aid.
• Stealing from Corporal Timothy Uphams wardrobe.
• Private Ryans savings ( Or Saving Ryans Privates )

* Greatest hanks movie ever apart from .
The Never written nor filmed movie with Tom Hanks

[edit] See also

• America's Sweetheart
• Døømcröw and the Motion Captured Performances of Tom Hanks