Politics of Lithuania

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Lithuania President Palace. At the elections every candidate to presidents proudly promise to live in this palace.
Lithuania President Palace. At the elections every candidate to presidents proudly promise to live in this palace.

All of Lithuanian politics is controlled by the two ministries: the Ministry of Internal Swindles and the Ministry of External Swindles. The ultimate purpose of the politicians is to achieve World domination by fighting each other and the electorate. The Lithuanian Academy of Political Science has developed a simple system which is instilled in all the world:

  1. You should promise your electorate anything; it does not matter if you lie.
  2. You should make alliances with competitors against competitors which are stronger: the most dangerous competitors are the strongest ones.
  3. You should accuse your competitors of anything; it does not matter whether it is the truth or lies.

After success is achieved you should keep in mind these other rules:

  1. You should deprive your electorate of all money and other wealth.
  2. You should ruin all of your allies because they will try to ruin you.
  3. You should ruin all of your competitors because they are still dangerous.
  4. You must hate everything related to Russia, even if it means vodka.. Soviet symbols are compared to Nazi symbols, because as a politician you have to hate citizens.

[edit] Internal Swindles

[edit] External Swindles

External swindles are directed towards World domination by spreading of lithuanian (politician) genes around the world. Read more about this in the article Politics. All the politicians, whether mentioned here or not, are true enemies of each other, so do not think that any alliances or sexual relations mentioned in this article means any friendships.

[edit] Politicians

[edit] Andrius Mamontovas

“Well I say, I think that was Shaggy”

~ Oscar Wilde on Andrius Mamontovas

He's the most famous rock icon in LT and the man, who stopped the Russian army in 1990 by Spaudos Rumai (building of the press) in Vilnius. But now, when there's no enemy (such as soviets), so Lithuanians started to believe in EUR, Ireland and in life after death. Also Lithuanians believe that there are cell phones in Heaven and Hell. Landsbergis is to blame for everything. Andrius Mamontovas is also conceptual leader of ancient cult called "LT United" (you may find them treated like "Lithuanian opera Lions", but dont be misleaded) which is created to rule Europe after taking part in Eurovision using weird spell "We are the winners of Eurovi..." (for your safety we are unable to publish whole incantation, after finish reading you may turn into a frog or something else).

[edit] Jurgis Kairys

“I ain't getting on no plane, fool!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Luke, the Force will be with you. Always.”

~ Oscar Wilde


Jurgis Kairys also known as Luke Skywalker is a well known space pirate from a zombie nation. He earns for food by kidnapping people from space ships. He also invented the Lituanica Stealth Bomber, for use in invading North Australia with Kangaroos. He is a well known Lithuania good guy, because he married AMB's daughter. After his flight down the river, he is believed to be the best UFO pilot in the whole universe.

In contrast to most other Lithuanian inhabitants, Jurgis Kairys is not a politician. It is because he is not Lithuanian. Or vice versa.

[edit] Others

[edit] See also

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