Tony Danza

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Infamous talk show host, professional go-cart driver, and star of the most popular sitcom on television in the early 1980's, Tony Danza has been referred to as the modern day every-man and the next terrible dictator of the airwaves, often in the same sentence. Tony is also the name sake of the famous whos the boss sex move. Closely Related to the donkey punch, the male enters the female doggy style. When the male gets close to orgasm he asks his partner "whos the boss?" several times. Before she can answer the male yells Tony Danza, shoves his penis into his partners anus, and punches her in the back of the head knocking her out, sometimes coupled with a rusty tobbogin down the stairs. The move was actually created by Mr. Danza himself.

[edit] Early life

Tony Danza was born Tony Fa Fony Danzerfanza in 1838 in a pizza parlour in Uu-Ess-Aay. During elementary school, he did average despite the fact that he could make female teachers swoon with his "A-oh, oh-a!" expression. His true talents weren't discovered until junior high and high school, where he was top of the class in Sewing. This would later prove to be humanity's downfall.

In his spare time he learned telekinetic skills.

Meanwhile, he often played marbles with his home-grown chia pet named Charles, who was often referred to as "Charlie".

Tony spent most of his time translating the Bible into Klingon. Also he starred in the making of the video fire man by lil wayne and is the only living man who can handle the sheer power of 20 cent (50 cent's younger brother/cousin). Tony briefly considered changing his name to Antonio and also periodically tucked his genitals into his stomach cavity. He was immediately rushed the ob-gyn emergency room at Cedar Sinai hospital in Los Angeles when his stomach lining began to eat away at his genitalia. Minus one testicle, Danza emerged a beacon of hope and began stalking a young Alex Trebek.

[edit] College and Beyond

After High School, Tony went on to a local weight watchers to study the ecology of the African jungles, which he found to be a very difficult subject since there are no African jungles outside of Africa. Realizing his mistake, Tony switched his major to nonsensical expressions of mid 20th century America. He gave little thought to his major, however. He wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a pro basketball player. He did play for the school team, but the coach continually tried to dissuade Tony from the NBA due to the fact that Tony is only 4 ft 8 in tall.

With his dreams of Larry Bird - like stardom crushed, Tony dropped out of school to pursue acting.

on a side note Tony stated that he could kick any G.I. Joes' ass any day of the week, including Elton John

[edit] Early Career

Penniless and destitute, Tony luckily landed a job in commercials along side Abe Vigoda. Marketing research showed that Tony had great potential to sell pizza, lasagna, and tractors. Abe's agent took over Tony's career and led Tony to much needed changes such as changing his last name to Danza, just to make it fit on credits. Continued work with these commercials led to the next step in Tony's life.

He found some work voicing the First Lady in the popular 90's television series The Adventures of President Grover Cleveland. He left the show in 1994 after the ghost of Andrew Jackson, posssessing the body of his descendant Samuel L. Jackson, kidnapped the show's writers and producers, effectively igniting the Dinosaur-NFL War of 2004.

[edit] The Senate

By a sheer stroke of luck, Tony was elected as the Republican Senator for Alabama in 1962 despite never having lived in that state or running for office. Many historians attribute this to an error in the voting machines and in particular, the failings of a butterfly ballot. Tony served for several years until 1967 when he was attacked on the floor by a mass of suicidal lard. This proved to be a turning point in his political career.

[edit] TAXI

Tony's next big break came when he was cast for the TV show Taxi. His character was originally cast for the brother of the character played by Danny Devito. This was mostly due to Tony's height. However, recent advances in film technology allowed Tony's character to be portrayed as a taller person, thus eliminating the need to explain away Tony's shortness as Danny Devito's brother. Instead, Tony's character was made into Christopher Lloyd's character's brother for no apparent reason. After Tony's first appearance, Sen Strom Thurmond pushed through a bill backed by the presidency that from that point forward, any character Tony Danza portrayed would need to be named Tony.

[edit] Who's the Boss?

Soon after TAXI was cancelled, TV executives for ABC (Americans Buying Cable) thought that the young Danza could use his own vehicle. They teamed him up with a rather - mannish looking Judith Light and wrote the show with "role-reversal" in mind. Hence we have the comedic gold Who's the Boss? The show featured Osama bin Laden as Danza's bangable young daughter, and also starred Alyssa Milano and some old lady who not only portrayed a pervert, but was one in real life. The show ran for an unprecedented 15 years, where America was forced to regurgitate outdated stereotypes and watch Tony put the moves on someone that in most casual environments would be easily confused with a man. Most critics agreed that it was just plain disgusting.

Who's the Boss being ridiculed to the point of sheer destruction was then often referred to as a sleazy sexual reference to anal sex.

[edit] The Internets

A photo of Tony Danza in the nude is currently circulating via instant messaging. It's from when he was younger... and he's not cut. He's well off. Ok, talk to you later.

[edit] The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza

An early Hanson side project involving the three members of the band being molested on tape by Tony Danza. Kitten Mucus topped the Botswanese music charts on November 14th, 1992.

[edit] LINKS W00T

http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=36599