Tool (band)
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Tool is a rock band that started out in LA, America in 1990. It was a time when everyone that would later be Tool fans were either angry hippies, fans of sludge or thrash metal, or laid-back conspiracy theory-makers. At first they had a couple of fans that came by their gigs if they had nothing else to do.
Tool mostly did Genesis covers but Maynard hadn't come along yet so no one sang. After awhile they used a career support website. Adam Jones who was at the time the only but pathetic excuse as a leader-like role, took a compatibility test on the career website and his compatibility matched that of Maynard. Maynard drove to LA and they jammed and things were perfect then. For a whole week they all worked together as a team. They scheduled shifts on who would do what to make the band. They even spent all of their lifesavings to make a factory so things would go faster, because factories are big and complex and make things quick so it would help for sure. After working 168 hours straight, they created: (past the content there...)
Contents |
[edit] Undertow
The best album ever released by Tool. But only a dozen sold. This filled Tool with massive amounts of angst. They had worked so hard and for next to nothing. And this angst was released safely and constructively in:
[edit] Ænima
A very dark and disturbing album. Using their factory Tool made a clone of Hitler which they used for the sole purpose as the climatic turning-point in the presentation arc that the album makes. Clone Hitler was suppose to make a diabolical speech which would brain-wash everyone into buying their next album which is the second step among many to create the most epic story told through music ever. But by accident Hitler was given a cookie recipe that uses weed as a substitute for eggs. This great wrench in Tool's works happened when Clone Hitler was heading out of dressing rooms and mistakenly grabbed the recipe from right pocket instead of the left of Jones coat. If only Clone Hitler had used Rosetta Stoned language learning program on his PC he would've appropriately known left in English. Horrible. Yeah so they made their next album without even knowing things had gone wrong.
[edit] Lateralus
A musical album about math, and Buddhism, or Hinduism, or Wicca, or New Ageism. Or Science. Or God. Or The Science God. It has a lot of crazy riffs and beats the follow along with lots of strange mathematic sequences. Since its math, and people use math thoughtful things to and math focused teaching and all that metal jazz to make brain-washing fluid.
Listeners of the album would be mesmerized by the mathy music and unconsciously create the brain-washing fluid in their homes and consume it to fully brain-wash themselves. But since Clone Hitler had not preformed his stuff correctly this didn't and just got Tool a Grammy for Schism. Once they realized no one was making brain-washing fluid, they got mad and killed Clone Hitler. Little did they know that the eve before the album's release Clone Hitler snuck into the factory and secretly and mysteriously created Clone Hitler 2. Clone Hitler told Clone Hitler 2 to just "chill around". So Clone Hitler 2 chilled and was killed instead of Clone Hitler... the first. Clone Hitler felt mortally betrayed by his once thought as friends and secretly plotted to kill them back, and mourned his son's death Clone Hitler 2. And blamed Tool for killing his son. Clone Hitler 2. Yeah.
[edit] 10K Days
This album was the final straw in completing a massive cult for Tool. They had thought of the fact that their music was so badass that it would naturally attract people to their following. Once Tool saw this they didn't feel so bad anymore and realized they had a purpose in life. To make badass music. So now that all of that angst we were talking about is out of their system their going to release:
[edit] The Feeling Better Album
Just a bunch of Linkin Park covers. You see the masterminds at The Sound Institute, saw what was going on from the beginning and where just waiting... and watching. At the right time they released their Reliable Audio Weapons System (R.A.W.S.) unto Clone Hitler first, and then Tool. They all died impaled upon the en-flagged staff of this grand hyrbid soldier. The masterminds back at The Sound Institute made their way through the red tape and impersonated Tool and claimed Linkin Park was cover to test to see if anyone liked radio-friendly Nu Metal, and that their real project along was Tool. So they renamed Tool to Toll, and released this album.
[edit] Aftermath
The bodies of Maynard and Jones rest still impaled along with many other legendary musicians like a kebab on R.A.W.S.'s staff. The other band members actually didn't die. They were androids made by Jones from the beginning. He was planning to kill Maynard when they got to the point where they would sell out and drain all the money they could and keep their dignity. So these androids did die in a sense, they were demolished. R.A.W.S. saw they were not really, real, so he kept them off the staff. But really, they were good. They had developed magically souls and these souls were of music and they had life within in them that loved music. And these individual intelligences had honestly made their music.
Clone Hitler was simply cheese grated into nothing because even though a clone he was still evil, and the original Hitler's soul was probably reincarnated in the clone body or something.
