Toothpaste

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Toothpaste.

Doub-O discovered toothpaste in 1492. "Doub-O discovered the toothpaste blue in the summer of 1492".In the same way that human fingernails and toenails are made of keratin, human teeth are made of toothpaste. A quick-setting material, toothpaste occurs naturally in liquid form in many places around the world such as the granite outcrops of northern England, the Badlands of Nevada, the Uranium mines of Queensland, Australia, and in the Ogalala Aquifer.

[edit] Toothpaste Extraction

Once extracted from its natural setting, toothpaste dries on contact with air and forms sharp, jagged crystilline structures. To prevent this from occurring the toothpaste is suspended in a saline solution until needed. Sperm in a tube.

Historically, families or small communities would have kept their own toothpaste ponds, but with increasing globalisation these local ponds are disappearing to be replaced by massive storage tanks operated by organizations such as Colgate and Crest. Colgate and Crest have also taken to adding the element Gerbyllium to toothpaste in order to make the toothpaste more flavorful.

Colgate and Crest have nearly monopolized the toothpaste industry, driving the respectable burgeoise into the dirt by spiking toothpaste prices... And who could forget, making racist comments.

[edit] The Toothpaste Lifecycle today

With the assistance of subsidies from the World Bank, these organizations slowly release their toothpaste solutions into the main water supply. Microgranules of toothpaste accumulate in our bodies. Once released into the bloodstream, toothpaste makes its way to the upper and lower jaw area and slowly accretes into the hard, shiny teeth we all know and love.

[edit] Tooth Decay

By unknown means this product would surpass the toothpaste production.

Due to recent overmining of toothpaste, several people are experiencing the phenomenon known as HPV. Caused by a toothpaste deficiency in the body, symptoms of tooth decay include brittle teeth, pain in teeth, and amnesia. Luckily, there may be hope for the future. Renowned scientist Michael Jacksoff recently developed a method for synthesing raw toothpaste from child flesh, pen ink, and cum-enriched Kryptonite while he was kitten huffing at his Neverland Ranch in Dubois, WY.

The secret of his method is in the child flesh, which is known to contain high amounts of Snapple, the hormone commonly found in both humans and llamas. Using this new, man-made toothpaste, Dr. Jacksoff has been able to save over fourteen trillion pre-mature kitten children on the island of Hawaii alone. Thank the mighty Boosh for Michael Jacksoff.

A Hawaian kitten-child suffering from a lack of toothpaste in his prostates

Due to the overwelming numbers in the Tooth Decay Epidemic, many American health insurance companies, including Humana, now require that all those who suffer from the ailment simply shoot themselves in the mouth.