Top Secret Nazi Moon Bases
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“We will fight them in the craters, on the lateral ridges, in the plains of endless cosmic dust, and in our formal gazebos. We will never surrender.”
~ Winston Churchill on Nazi Moon bases
“They have a lovely view of Scunthorpe up there, I've heard.”
~ Prince Charles on Lunar Nazis
“CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE.”
~ Mouse on Moon Bases
It is a widely accepted fact that at the end of World War II, the much acclaimed sequel to World War I, the Nazi Party established Top-Secret Nazi Bases on the Moon. The Nazis sent hundreds of German storm troopers, along with Adolf Hitler and his designated successor Rush Limbaugh, to colonize the Moon. Because the Moon has a very similar atmosphere to ours, the insanely evil Germans could walk around wearing nothing but flip-flops and singlets. In the 1960's, when America sent people to the Moon, they were invited into the secret space-bunkers for tea and scones, which they all top-secretly enjoyed.
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[edit] Super Evil Genetic Deformities
While on the Moon, the Nazis devised a plan to become Super-Evil Semi-Humans. This plan involved extensive inbreeding as well as the disgusting Anal Birthing technique, both of which the all-male Nazi stormtroopers were quite painfully familiar with already. After only two generations, these super-evil genetically-deformed Nazis completely displaced their progenitors, and are now the sole inhabitants of the secret Nazi Moon bases. (For further information on their mating habits, see Elton John.)
[edit] Other Nations Involved
In addition, it is now generally accepted that America, Russia, and Japan also have top-secret Moon bases. As a side-note, everything NASA tells you about the Moon is a lie designed to keep the "Moon Club" as exclusive as possible, and deny entry to those pesky Third World nations. In the late 1940's, in conjunction with the Nazis, the Japanese sent a dreadnaught to explore Mars. It was armed with several thousand platform-mounted rail guns, and during an intense battle that lasted for many years, it managed to kill a space dog, when it accidentally ran into one of the engines and ranover Bill Clinton.
[edit] Gandalvalosus
Rumour has it that several Nazi Moon Bases are erected on the planet that will be known as Gandalvalosus. According to this myth, the Nazis discovered Gandalvalosus in 1942, and built 2 or more bases there.
[edit] Types of Spacecraft
The Nazi Moon bases are equipped with a great deal of advanced technology, including several spaceships ready to do battle with Earth forces at a moment's notice.
- Haunibu600: Generic intergalactic cruiser
- Miethe: the German's sauerkraut carrier
- Mitsubishi Magna: Japanese dreadnaught that broke down on the way
- Scheißewagon 2000: Adolf's personal transport
- Xenu Planes: For when Scientologists drop by to chat about old times
[edit] Defenses Against Super-Evil Genetically-Deformed Space Nazis
While most Lunar Nazi genetic mutations involve things like having extra ears, larger spleens, monobrows, and so forth, some of their "deformations" give them special "X-Men" like powers, for which a variety of advanced weapons have been developed to defend Earth against a potential invasion by the Nazi Moon-men.
- Super powered lasers that the US government has kept secret from the public since 1786
- Nuclear missiles
- Large spud-cannons
Note: If any of these weapons fail to stop a super-evil genetically-deformed space Nazi who may or may not be attacking you at this very moment, just give them a firm punch in the groin area; thankfully, all the years of inbreeding has left them rather weak.
