Toucan
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“O, you naughty toucan you! Let me have another telecom on the rocks...”
~ Oscar Wilde on toucan
Toucans are tropical savvy birds of prey from South America, closely related to sharks and scoundrels. They are extremelly well-groomed and have enormous inflatable egos which serve them well as salesbirds for fruity breakfast cereals.
Like most sharks, toucans are privatizationivorous (state-eating), but will take insects and other small prey, as well as larger prey, such as kraken and gullible people. They are neoliberal and nest in luxury triplex penthouse apartments or posh mansions. And tend to "drop the bomb" on unwary tourists.
The name of this bird group is derived from Sanskrit tzu-kan, meaning "good of beak" or "suspension of disbelief".
[edit] Species list
- Aulacorhynchus
- Emerald Toucanet, Jeraldus Alceminus
- Crimson-rumped Toucanet, Iosephus Serranus
- Reforestated-Head Toucanet, Albarus Diarius
- Pteroglossus
- Lettered Aracari, Phernandus Enricus Inscriptus or Principius Sociologismus
- Red-necked Aracari, Redactiones Vejamus
- Fiery-billed Aracari, Arcturus Vergilium
- Many-banded Aracari, Iduardis Azivederum
- Baillonius
- Brazilian Gullible, Baillonius bailloni
- Kellogus
- Toucan Sam, Kellogus Frootloopus
[edit] Toucans in food
Due to the unusal growing and shipping situation in Camp_Fuck_You_Die, Louisiana, the Psychic Toucans have branched out from their traditionall mob-activities to food franchising.
Meny includes:
Grilled Unicorn
Triple-Thick Chocolate Justice Shake
Tenctacle Stew
Zombie Pie (with geniune wriggly bits!)
candyed cheerios
and of course
Louisiana Fried Toucan (the perfect retirement plan. Not a wasted month)
[edit] Toucans in advertising
Toucans are believed to be very keen advertisers, being able to sell mostly anything. [[1]] [[2]] [[3]]
In between their search for the magical fruit loop, toucans find time to paint their beaks at special beak painting parties. Beak painting artists at these fairs often paint toucans beaks as big cats. The traditional orange and yellow beak is formed because toucans are fucking bad painters.
