Townsville

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“Someone asked me to play a concert there. I said: "I only play at towns or villes. Both is preposterous"”

~ Bob Dylan on Townsville

“Townsville? Probably the most unoriginal name for a city ever, i would have gone with "HippyPippyPooPoo Shire".”

~ Oscar Wilde on Townsville

“In Soviet Russia, Towns live in you!”

~ Russian Reversal on Towsville

“Me ruv it rong time!”

~ Asian tourist on Towsville

“Ey you fucking cunt, you got 2 dollar? Don't act like you don't fucking hear me you cunt, EY prick, I just want fucking 2 dollar! Get the fuck back here! Eh you a silly cunt anyway! ”

~ Typical Resident of the mall on Towsville

A Townsville Resident, Preparing for the Tuna Season

Townsville is a city in North Queensland, Australia. Named by someone who was late for their bus, it is the birthplace of Carthaginian general Hannibal and Leeroy Jenkins and home to the Power Puff girls. Described by many as hell on earth, the mercury never falls below 1 million degrees. The uncultural centre of the universe, Townsville is inhabited with homophobic, racist bogans with no front teeth who are bent on the world domination of flip flop thongs & the King of scene kids; Known only as Alex.

1 Attractions
2 Amalgamation
3 Game
4 Economy
5 See Also

[edit] Attractions

The Strand: Named after the Stephen King novel, "The Strand" is a popular attraction for both Asian tourists and disenchanted youth. It is essentially a five kilometre length of concrete.
Castle Hill: Used as the headquarters for International Rescue, the "Hill" is popular with joggers wanting to to be run over.

An average Japanese tourist in townsville
Thuringowa: Townsville's sister city, like a fat friend, was invented to make Townsville not seem as bad. Thuringowa is a popular retirement village for Nazi war criminals, as nobody outside Thuringowa knows where it is. Octoberfest is the city's most popular event, running January to December each year.
Magnetic Island: 'The Island', as it is known, is home to a mysterious tribe of cannibals descended from the Lord of the Flies children who are imprisoned there by strange magnetic forces.
Stockland! The musical: Starring Samuel L. Jackson as Aleh; The bad ass Stocklands security guard, Stockland! The Musical was a dark horse at the 2006 Tony Awards in New York City despite being an off-broadway production. Based on the real life centre, it tells the tale of a shopping center overrun with teenagers. Featured the surprise billboard hit "Don't Hate On A Playa".

An air view of Townsville

The Sugarshaker: Designed by an insane psychologist, the sugarshaker is a perfectly cylindrical, perfectly ugly building, That oddly looks like a giant lipstick. Everything inside is cylindrical, especially the call-girls. Think about it.
The Mall: Most famous as being the set for Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds", the mall is a popular place for fights between carnies and American Sailors. It has five stores and 49 empty stores, interstingly enough 49 is the exact number of alcohol related deaths in the mall daily.
Ross River: The popular mosquito infested swamp is a smash hit with tourists and backpackers, who travel from the far corners of the globe hoping to catch the famous fever.
The Cowboys: Playing a sport based on the film Brokeback Mountain, the Cowboys are Townsville's local rugby team even though the stadium is situated in Thuringowa. Supporters of this team are comprised of 90% mental patients on day leave, 5% open homosexuals and 5% Emo kids just walking around the stadium and mistaken for fans.
German Backpackers: Townsville's game reserves feature pterodactyl and German backpackers in their native habitat. Or try "Whities on Palmer Street", the 5 start restaurant famous for its backpacker steaks and backpacker surprise.
Rock Awards: A known creator of Anti-Matter, the North Queensland Rock awards are a chance for the states youth to take drugs and drink in the presence of police. But its all about the music, although William Shatner is quoted to have said "Captains Log: Strange alien forces emitting a signal from earth, oh wait, it's the North Queensland rock awards."
The Bulletin: Townsvilles local ~~comic~~ newspaper; the "Bully" as it is known to many, is actually comprised entirely of Myspace bulletins and advertisements for prostitutes. Won Australia's biggest journalistic prize for the article "PC4PC??LOL I IS REALLY BORED K GUYS?", written by xxheartcoresadnessxx.
Nostradamus: a frequent visitor though time and space, "Nossie", as he's known locally, is often seen sleeping in a park, harassing workers or collecting military decorations for his cat "Space Commander Darian".

The Witch: is about 70 years old. Often seen on Palmer Street on friday nights with her cats, then the strand Macca's, saturday night she enjoys to go back out to Palmer Street, and Sunday dances the whole day away to random music at the mall. Often dances and dresses as a gypsie cross with a witch. can be known as 'The Witch', 'The Dancing Lady', 'what the hell!' She is one of Townsville's icons.

The Ocean: (See The Strand) Teeming with some of Australia's most dangerous creatures, including and not limited to Box jellyfish, sharks, crocodiles and Bert Newton.

Anannadale: A so-called suburb of Townsville, popular for the many Jewish cowboys who live in the area. Also a popular spot for large numbers of suicidal 40 year olds to be stabbed. Also Townsville's first comet was found in the home of Qui Gon Jin, recently deceased Jedi Master, who lived in Annanndale 51 Jenkinson Drive.

Reef HQ: Reef HQ calls itself the "window to the reef", primarily because of the fact that all of its featured animals were poached from the Great Barrier Reef. Reef HQ is also home to the world's first Nazi Turtle, aptly named Hagel Hitler, and his wife, a sarcastic yodelling pickel named Geoff.

Leeroy Jenkins: Who the fuck is Leeroy Jenkins and what the fuck is he doing in the Capital of North Beans land?

Townsville: THIS IS TOWNSVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Music: There is a bustling music scene in Townsville, if you like to stand at the front of the stage and bang your head up and down like a gorilla being attacked by hornets until a neck injury is acquired. That's pretty rock and roll.
Yarrawonga drive:Yarrawonga drive was initially landscaped to be a prime viewing point for the 2006 followup to the infamous Boxing Day Tsunami which never actually eventuated. A prime target for sunrays and a frequent victim of eggs thrown from cars, many consider Yarrawonga drive to be paradise in an otherwise hellish city. Others consider it to be the pinacle of an extremely undesirable town. You decide!

Paintball: Townsville has a outdoor paintball area where heat stroke is more likey then being hit by a paintball. Leeroy Jenkins practiced his famous battle plan at the paintball area before he took this plan out into Azeroth.

Willows: A shopping centre, usually deserted until 3pm, when swarms of emos, sluts, emo sluts and gangsters come from all schools to congregate and discuss the newest From First to Last album, fashion, and to do drugs.

Late Night Shopping: A weekly event that occurs on every Thursday and causes droves of rebellious youths to migrate to either of the three major shopping centres (Castletown, Stocklands & Willows) where they execute mass acts of social terrorism. Many of them (boys and girls) like to wear terrible make-up that makes them look like they are racoons or have a big black shit stain on their cheek. Aboriginals are rife at the shopping complexes, and the whites are sure to hold their wallets as they walk past and inhale the smell of unwashed Gin.

Townsville is set to be the setting for the next GTA game, events in game will closely mirror those in real life

[edit] Amalgamation

On June 7th, 1877, the infamous "Gin Cities" were united. The terms of the amalgamation are the stuff of local legend, however the most widely-circulated myth is that the Survivors teamed up with the Others in order to defeat the Park Dwellers. The Survivors were led by reputable Dr Jack Shepherd, whilst the Others were led by local tyrant Les Tyrrel. Most sources claim the amalgamation to have been a success, however the demise of the Park People has been mourned along the Murray River, in the Mall and on Palm Island.

[edit] Game

Townsville is set to be the setting for the next GTA game. Events in the game will closely mirror those in real life.

Missions include: Killing ten thousand cane toads, Stealing 50 bogans' pensions, jumping off the top of Castle Hill, swiming to Magnetic Island, participating in a number of street races in vechicles such as go-karts and Wheelie Bins, chiselling a penis into Castle Hill and swiming in the ocean during Box jellyfish season.

[edit] Economy

The economics of the town are of little worth, the main exports being Japanese tourists, stuff found in the ground that is later sold to China, and ancient hobo spices found in the hobo salt mines of Gonhorrea just north of Townsville. The Japanese tourists come in herds and they mingle with the locals until they are ripe for eating. In the downtime between, they buy worthless junk and engage in mighty battles with their sworn enemies, the Box jellyfish. The running of the Bogans, not unlike Spain's infamous Running of the Bulls is a tourist event which is popular. This event happens every monday night and, through its overpriced merchandise and naive, idiotic fans, contributes significantly to the economy of the city.