Toyota
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Toyota (not to be confused with Loyola, another car company) is a puppet of the Japanese government and is a tool in their aim to take over the United States of America. Headquartered in Achee and Tokyo it is a company of enormous proportions. Established in the stone age as a stone wheel supplier to the Fred Flintstone car company, Toyota gained fame when it began ripping off American designs and manufacturing the same designs and badgin them with unpronounceable Japanese names. Paleontologists seem to concur that early Toyota's bear a striking resemblance to the Dodge Power Wagon and Chevrolet, with some parts actually interchanging with their American originals. In fact, the Toyoda family had quite the boner for the Ford family, and could not bring themselves to copy their vehicles. However history took a drastic turn when the U.S. Air Force took an atomic mega-shit over two Japanese cities, which caused their complete destruction, and the end of World War II. It was after World War II that the Japanese government headed by a few decrepit Samurai's decided seek vengeance. As a result of their brainstorming was born the conspiracy to take over America and then the rest of the world; One Family at a Time.
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[edit] History
[edit] The Brainwashing Begins (1946 - 1975)
In the early to mid 1970s, Americans had great choices for cars from all of the great American car manufacturers General Motors, Ford and Chrysler. There were muscle cars, full-size cars, as well as full size trucks. These were all pretty much indestructible, as in you could take one, smash it into a wall, and it'd pretty much just bounce right off. So the Japanese had to make sure that all the American Big Three would lose their customer base to the Toyota's if they were to succeed in their dream to take over the U.S. With aid from their research, and using trained Ninja as secret agents, the Japs began to sow the seeds of poison in the form of the Hippy movement of the 60's. The baby boomer and hippy generations kids soon grew up to become car designers at General Motors, Ford and Chrysler. Their pot smoking and flower power culture was responsible for the following designs.
 A Ford KRap design. |
 A Ford Corset design Circa Mesozoic Era. |
 A Dodge designed by someone from Haight Ashbury. |
The political climate favored by a strong republican stance made sure that these cars were not Christian enough, similarly Muslim clerics to began issuing fatwas against these cars, terming them as evil and against the morals. Hence the first pshycological battle was already now won by the Japanese.
However the Europeans were still producing good cars. Hence the Japanese created the city of Amsterdam with its free sex and drugs, a neo hippy city to rival San Francisco's Haight Ashbury. This soon became "the" destination for European Car Designers to express their creative feelings. The result were cars like the VW Bugs Bunny.
The war had begun...
[edit] The Price/Oil War
Now that the Japs had won the psychological battle. Now time for the price wars. They first began by supplying the middle east countries with Land Cruisers and Geisha dancers, in exchange the middle eastern oil producing tribes began to charge premium for the oil leading to the OPEC crisis.
Now the Japanese company Toyota entered the market with their sad little shitboxes. They rusted so bad that you couldn't even drive near salt water without the car disintegrating around you. Realizing this, but not wanting the American people to find out, they immediately began a campaign to brainwash the American people with an ad campaign, complete with bright colors and flashing lights, to convince people that their cars were not falling apart around them, but actually getting better as time moved along. And so this generation began to falsely believe that this little tin can on wheels ACTUALLY was a car, and a high quality one at that. However, there was still the problem of the disintegrating cars. This as solved by having Toyota's secret ninja hide in the back of each car and, when the car disintegrated, jump out, knock out the driver/pasenger, slap together a new shitbox in 10 seconds with Toyota's famous lack of attention to quality, detail, or anything that might make a car good in any way, and wake up the driver/passenger just in time for them to start driving again. After that, Toyota took over the world with the Yaris.
[edit] The Effects of the Brainwashing Today
For Toyota, the brainwashing was a complete success. Today, most born since the 1970s has been completely brainwashed and now think that Toyota is better than most American cars. Hence, they are known as "The Lost Generation," a generation which is both out of its mind and delusional due to the voices in their heads (placed there by the brainwashing) telling them the sad, sad lie that Toyotas are actually good cars. This lie lives on through diverity where anyone who insults a foreign car is automatically considered prejudiced. However, there are still some mentally strong people, who like their relatives in the 1970s, were not convinced by the evil company's brainwashing and actually do buy American cars, knowing that they are both superior in quality, performance, and looks. However, the effects of the brainwashing are staring to affect some people's health. The overweight appearance of several of Toyota's newest vehicles, especially the Prius and 2007 Tundra, have caused the recent rise in obesity in America, as yet again Japan tries to bring it down as they did in the 1970s. People also seem to believe that, because some of these cars are assembled in the US, they count as "American Cars." However, this is not true, as it is only assembled in America. Chances are, most of the parts are still from Japan. Toyota is also the most reputable automaker in the world, while making shitty products and operating sweat shops. But do you hear a single bad word about Toyota, fuck no. Shows that America is morally sound. But don't you dare try to tell this to a Toyota owner, or a Toyota ninja will pop out from the car and kill you.
[edit] That Trademark Toyota Quality
Toyota's trademark is the total lack of quality control. This trademark applies to many of Toyota's vehicles. For instance, there was a 1994 incident where all Toyota Camrys and Shitaki Hauler pick-up models were made of unpainted tin.
[edit] Overview of Toyota's CEO
- Name: Ketchup Wannabe.
- Gender: In Between at The Moment.
- Age: 79.5 as you would probably have to be that old to approve the designs of most Toyota vehicles.
- Blood type: Drinks whatever he can get his hands on.
- Car: He doesn't drive as it's rumored he has the ability to teleport. Again, you must not understand a thing about a car to build a Toyota.
[edit] Toyota Technical Center
The Toyota Technical Center was designed by Soviet architecht Zakarai Sonovabitchovich in 1973. It took Toyota a few years to save enough money to construct it. Early designs came from marketing VP, Mr Neemi Sheebidah, of Tokyo. When it was built in 1998, it was Japan's first new automotive tech center in over 45 years (that is, unless you consider Nissan's, which is in a brand new 25' Winnebago motor-camper.) The Toyota Tech. building is made of cardboard, chop-sticks and rice paper, which are the only building materials to be found in Japan. The retro-fitting done here is how Toyota makes its major Profits. Just check out these happy terrrorist militia-men that Toyota outfitted last week:
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