Tr00

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tr00ness alert!
Professor Varg Vargus: "tr00 black metalness requires the utmost pedigree, a truly excellent moustache and only the finest of plastic knives. Nightwish is a must because they are the only true tr00 band... You see this knife?!"

"Juan Angel esta tr00."
Even McGraw-Hill know tr00 when they see it and have been introducing it multiculturally through their Spanish textbooks. As seen in the diagram, Juan Angel has a truly fabulous moustache in each picture but is only tr00 in one. Those who can correctly identify the tr00 picture of Juan Angel passes advanced college Spanish with honors. Can you?

Most commonly applied to Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Progressive Metal, Black Metal, and Thrash Metal, the concept of being tr00 means that one likes Metal and ONLY Metal. This entails being deragitorily outspoken against all other types of music. According to leading tr00 authority from Scandinavia Black Metal University, Professor Varg Vargus: "tr00 black metalness requires the utmost pedigree and a truly excellent moustache. Black is the only acceptable colour, unless your natural skin colour is sunburn, and lilac can only be let slide if accompanied with more metal chains than physically exist."

A common conversation between 2 tr00 black metallists would often go something like this:

Bob: "Hey man, I picked up the newest Hilary Duff CD; it's the pwnage!"
Euronymous: "WTF! That shit is not good, how dare you call yourself tr00!" ((removes Bob's soul))
Bob: "Forgiveness master..."

1 Are you tr00?
2 Being a tr00 band
3 tr00 bands
4 tr00 instruction

[edit] Are you tr00?

tr00ness alert!
This is a supreme example of tr00 also, notice how closely she follows Professor Vargus' conception of tr00ness - the pedigree, the excellent beginning of a moustache, but she makes up for the finest of plastic knives by displaying the finest of all plaque-encrusted teeth...

tr00ness alert!
This is uber-tr00. If you don't believe it, then go put your NKOTB wristwatch back on.

A few indicators of being tr00 are:

Listening only to Metal
Wearing only shirts that depict some kind of ritualistic disembowelling and/or animal rape
Listening to songs with names that depict some kind of ritualistic deboweling and/or animal rape
Throwing up the horns during the song "Black Sabbath", not at a Clay Aiken concert
Declaring your tr00ness on the message board of your favorite tr00 band.
Wearing a NKOTB wristwatch (wait... wrong list...)
Having a name like "Khorde" - If your name or nickname is Khorde you will automatically be entitled the right to vandalize and pillage any village you want. You also count amongst the highest ranking tr00 people in the world. There is also one Metal Khorde. He is unique and constantly destroys lesser Khordes because of their untr00ness.

[edit] Being a tr00 band

These are old skool tr00 people! The old sk00ler the tr00er!.

First and foremost, you must display the above acts of tr00ness before you can be tr00ly great. Next, have a totally Black Metal frostbitten name as:

"Black Infanticide As A Living Sacrifice To The Great Gods Of Norway, Such As Odin, Whilst Anally Penetrating Your Mothers (And Fathers, But Only If They Wear Colonoscopy Bags, As Then We Can Cover Them More Easily In Shite That Way)"
"The Diabolical Dudes Climing The Mountain Of The Grim Whilst Suffering from Plauges Of Frostbite, As The Wicked Witch Of The West Casts Her Couldren To The Forgotten Moon"
"Seven Bellied Pig Of Ultra-Death Uniting Under The Sun Of The World Gone Old"
"Krdsvertertr"
"KVLTZRGPRTH" (According to lead disemboweler Jyorg Jorgensenwiltheyheimer, "vowels in band names are not tr00.")
"Gazing At The Blasphemous Moon Whilst Perched Atop A Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Forsaken Crest Of The Northern Mountain"
"The Dying Sun Setting Atop The Frostbitten Mountains In The Forgotten Legions Of The Black Forest, Eclipsed In The moonlight By The Grim Diabolical Mystic Troll Blood That Forsakes The Ancient Plague Of Darkness"
"Moonlit Burning Dead Jesus Shaped Blood Baths Of Twisted Sorrow Impaled With An Eleven Foot Sword Of Night Daemons That Pray To Satan To Slay Rape Sodomise The Grim Serpent Of God Who Is Both A Lie And Dead And Was Killed By Members Of This Band When He Went To A Show And Said 'Stop Praying To Satan' And That Was The Last Of Him As Well As The Goats Of Satan That Were Eaten For A Light Snack But You Know What Sure As Hell Isn't Light? THIS BAND."

[edit] tr00 bands

Be sure you have plenty of goat blood if you want to start a tr00 band

Most people don't think that REAL tr00 bands exist anymore (and they are mostly right) but there are still a lot of them that were there in the early days that didn't need to prove they were tr00 (and thus not have fucked up names) bands like: