Treaty of Waitangi

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

The treaty has fail written all over it

~ Someone on Treaty of Waitangi

The Treaty of Waitangi, was originally a joke played out by the English colonialists, on the inhabitants of New Zealand, the Maori, in order to keep land prices down, by eliminating competitive bidding by the French. Unfortunately, a century later, this joke has turned around, and bitten the English, squarely in the middle of their bloated, white buttocks.

Old New Zealand Flag (now banned)
Old New Zealand Flag (now banned)
New New Zealand Flag
New New Zealand Flag

[edit] How it all started

In the middle of the 1800's, a French man named Baron Charles de Thierry, tried to buy up all of New Zealand, in order to proclaim himself as Emperor of New Zealand ... rather than take the normal order of events as his fellow countryman, Napoleon Dynamite, and simply take over the land by force. The local Maori, finding out that the French were prepared to buy their land, rather than simply force it off them started to reconsider the English methods. The English, upon hearing this, signed up a bunch of tribal chieftains, most of whom were illiterate, let alone able to write, and promised that Queen Victoria would look after them, as long as the French were kept out of the matter. The Treaty was signed in Waitangi, an insignificant, squalid little town in the middle of nowhere, having a portaloo and a welfare office. The treaty gave the Maori possession of their land, seas and sky, forever. "Forever", in those days meant either until Thursday lunch time, when things had settled down, or until the next boat-load of soldiers arrived, who would at least solve the problem, once and for all. What they didn't know was that 100 years later, the illiterate Maori could eventually produce lawyers, capable of defeating the most promising army of conscripts. What pissed the Europeans off the most was that the skies and seas suddenly became worth something, and that skies meant air-frequencies and routes for commercial aircraft, and seas meant all fishing ventures, covering all parts of the globe. This now means that the Maori have legal claim to the entire planet, and can prove it too!

So the Maori have now become immensely rich, and are in the process of enslaving the English. The French, in the meantime, have been content with blowing up parts of the Pacific with nuclear weapons, and attacking Green Peace.

[edit] See also

Personal tools
projects