Trekkie

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A trekkie is someone that does not have a life, aside from watching Star Trek and chewing on dead chipmunk with his or her mouth stuffed with trix cereal.

Actual trekkie, accompanied by a random jock

1 Origin
2 Trekkism
3 Trekkie: The Movie
4 List of Trekkie movies
5 Jean Luc Picard
6 See Also

[edit] Origin

Confiscated trekkie paraphernalia. This equipment is illegal in over 34 states.

The word "Trekkie" is actually a Latin word meaning "He who has no life and likes to chew on dead chipmunks with their mouths filled with trix". Most Latinararies and crack dealers use this phrase all of the time, however, it's a reverence OF COMPLETE AND UTTER DESTRUCTION BABAYYYY!!!! to a Star Trek fan who is still a Star Trek virgin. As most Star Trek fans know, Star Trek is a program that is situated in a parallel and jiggamuggy all up in your minizzle universe. A universe in which disk-like objects can reach warp speed 7/11 and in which we actually NEED the fucking French. This also works like that with Star Trek virginity: the bigger the chance you get to have sex in this universe, the smaller the chance you have to get sexually harassed by an alien probe in the Star Trek universe. As a result of this, it is important to be a total nerd to lose your Star Trek virginity. The time when you can say the last number of pi is often considered the time when you lose Star Trek virginity. Becoming a trekkie is the American equivalent of a Japanese man crashing his plane into a boat or a British man chopping the end of his willy off. In the end it means a short life, no sex and the closest thing to a woman that you ever see is your Klingon counterpart who calls you "Spockinator" on your online chat room. You often chat about how you would make baby Klingons by fusing the energy from your phasers. Female trekkies tend to have phaser and photon cannon fetishes where they pleasure themselves with phasers and all that geeky shit.

Trekkies usually get angry if you tell them that Star Trek is not real, so be careful when your handling them. Also they have a major weak point. Telling them that No one gives a flying rats ass about star trek. Just for shits and giggles, tell them that you are half Latinarary.

[edit] Trekkism

yer maw hey (dundalk-ism)

There are several stages in which Trekkism can occur. The most important stages are:

Stage 1: Often revered to as the "sleeping stage". In this stage, Star Trek is of no interest to the subject. The subject in this stage has to be woken up by the ultimate truth: Science Officer Spock is God.

Stage 2: This is the stage in which most Star Trek fans are: they respect the fact that Science Officer Spock is God, but don't worship him that much. These people are often called "Gorn-loving Trekkies.

Stage 3: Now, the Trekkie-ness gets really out of hand. In this stage, the Trekkie will not accept the laws and values of the country he lives in and only accepts the learnings of the Prophet McCoyhammed. Also, in the name of worship, the Trekkie masturbates everyday to a picture of Number one having scat-spiked-dildo sex with Leeta. The Trekkies in this stage are called "Trekdamentalists".

Stage 4: This stage is unreachable alive, because a Trekkie has to sacrifice himself to the halfgod Christopher Pike, who has two and a half penises, shaped like pikes (hence the name). The sacrifice takes place as followed: the Trekkie drinks a lot of beer (his first and last experience with it) and finds himself into a Nirwana - like state. Because of this huge amount of beer, he has to poop really, really hard, but he doesn't. He just sits and waits until he explodes in an huge explosion (often called a "Steam butthole explosion"). It is important that he sits next to a wall, because his remains of the explosion should fly in such a way, that the crappy-bloody stain on the wall resembles Spock. If the Trekkie succeeds, he goes to heaven, where he will be rewarded with 72 Montgomery "Scotty" Scotts, who, when they hear the super-duper-secret line ("beam me up, Scotty"), will collectively use a light saber while screaming "Lightning Bolt!!!11!!" to fuck the Trekkie in the asshole. This, according the ancient legend, feels so wrong and so bad, yet sounds quite tasty, that they can keep it up forever. After that, they reincarnate as Boy George's penis, which is a punishment for their guilty pleasures.

Stage 5: This stage is when the Trekkie agrees with the Star Trek Devil Khan for trading his soul to receive a way to capture the Enterprise. The Trekkie will then borrow a ship from Khan and go after the Enterprise, Kidnap Spock and Kirk and by the time the trekkie enters the Enterprise, Khan will pull the soul of the trekkie toward Star Trek Hell and torture the trekkie by making him watch Star Trek Animated Series.

Stage 6:This stage is when the Trekkie finds out that Spock isn't a real person (Its a LIE! He IS real!!). They then go into a coma, and won't come out of it until Leonard Nimoy comes up to their bedside. Instantly the Trekkie will come out and hug Nimoy calling him Spock. Leonard Nimoy will just stand there for a few seconds and then will say "I am Not Spock". Therefore the Trekkie will accept the truth and go commit Suicide thus finding the real Spock and living with a logical mind in the Trekkie-verse.

A Trekkie showing his moves to the ladies

If you want to see all the stages of Trekkism, then look up List of Trekkism Stages

[edit] Trekkie: The Movie

The Trekkie also has been an inspiration for the greatest film ever: Trekkie: Revenge of Tom Cruise' Pube Hair. In this film, the Trekkies fight the church of Sciencology. The movie is 900 minutes long, 1400 of which is babbling on how the Trekkies are going to use the Flibbedy-Flobbedy-Floop beam to kill Tom Cruise and his ultimate source of evil: His pubic hair. They eventually do and afterwards, they have a gay-scat-bukkaki-creampie-sausage orgy.cheese

[edit] List of Trekkie movies

Revenge of the Trekkies
The 40 year old Trekkie
Who gives a shit about Trekkies
Everybody loves Trekkies
Kill Trekkies Vol 1 and 2
I hate Trekkies
Supersize Trekkies
My little Trekkies
Honey I shrunk the Trekkies

[edit] Jean Luc Picard

Jean Luc Picard is a dirty French bastard who no one gives a shit about.

Picard is a disgrace to all Trekkies as he is much inferior to both Kirk and the revered Spock.

In fact he is so much of a targ-face that to believe he is a good captain would be to renounce your Trekkie-nism and become a sad shit-head who lives in his mother's basement recoving from the wounds caused by loyal Trekkies and their devotion to logic.