Trident
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“I have absolutely nothing to say about fucking Trident.”
~ Simon Norfolk on Trident
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The UK Trident programme is the United Kingdom's nuclear weapons programme. However Trident is also the name of a chewing gum manufacturer and a comic book publisher. No one would have guessed the connection, but they are actually part of the same organization. Their primary objective is world domination, as each seemingly separate organization is an essential component to their dastardly regime.
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[edit] Comic books
It doesn't sound all that suspicious at first. However two words: subliminal messages. All this does is allow the next phase of the plan to slot into place...
[edit] Chewing gum
Trident are also a popular brand of chewing gum with a prominent position in the global market. Not only does this provide a source of income for them, but also allows for other intentions. If Trident gum is part of a regime to take over the world, then surely that means they have to be putting drugs in their gum to brainwash humans.
Wrong! Wouldn't that be a bit too obvious? Their actual plan was to stack shelves so high with packets of Trident gum, that they collapsed and killed many people. Many journalists then rushed onto the scene and take pictures of the mangled bodies. In the absence of the press, Trident were able to sign the agreement with the prime minister of the UK for the next stage in their evil plan. (The advantage is that no one would have thought of that.)
[edit] Nuclear missiles
Now it's really starting to sound suspicious. Recently the UK has made its decision to buy more nuclear missiles, (because the old ones went past their sell-by date) instead of investing the money to fight global warming, which is obviously the more worthy cause. The reason is that corruption of major politicians has allowed trident to put their nuclear missiles right where they want them. This will set up the final stage final stage of their dastardly plan. No one knows what will happen, but there will probably be lots of nuclear explosions. I told you they were evil.
[edit] Conclusion
It all figures - just because the UK government say they need nuclear missiles, that doesn't mean they're not just spouting a whole load of bullshit. I mean, no one has used nuclear weapons since 1945. Who would have thought that Trident Gum and Trident Comics had anything to do with it? The only thing that can be said is that it has already gone to far for us to stop it. The only thing we can do is build an ark with two of every animal and fly it to Mars.
[edit] Other plans
Of course there was always the possibility that there was more going on behind the facade other than nuclear missiles, chewing gum and comic books. It has recently been found out that trident is also a sports car company, a graphics chip manufacturer, a unit of the London Metropolitan police dealing with gun crime in London's black community and a mountain in South Georgia. Fuck it, we're all doomed.
