Trouser snake
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“Vaginae aren't the only things that enjoy eating trouser snakes.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Trouser Snakes
| NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!! |
| The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe! If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated. |
The trouser snake (pictured at left, nesting in its native habitat), or Genitalis masculus, is one of the few warm-blooded reptiles still in existence. The trouser snake is a solitary creature, and usually small and docile. When threatened it will try to intimidate the intruder by standing tall and puffing up, it can sometimes increase several times in size (but rarely). As a last resort, if intimidation does not work, the trouser snake may resort to spitting at its perceived threat.
[edit] Habitat
The habitat of the trouser snake, as the name suggests, is trousers. Invariably it's male trousers, as the snakes seem to have a particular dislike of women. If a woman simply comes within sight of a trouser snake it will often stand vigil and puff up threateningly. Another reason male trousers are preferred is because most men don't wear skirts, so they provide a more stable habitat.
[edit] Natural enemies
Natural enemies of the trouser snake include
- Vaginae - A vagina is a trouser snakes greatest fear. A vagina may consume as many as ten trouser snakes in one day and continue this rate of consumption for up to a month. After having finished gorging itself, the vagina will go into hibernation for 9 to 10 months. Upon sight of a vagina the trouser snake will assume a defensive stance and as a last resort will spit into the mouth of its attacker.
- Women - It's easy to see why trousers snakes might dislike women; but even though women may jokingly pretend to eat it, they never actually do and are in fact harmless.
- Knees - Knees have over the years done a lot of damage to the trouser snake population, mostly due to crushing their eggs.
- Golf balls - The reason why golf balls sometimes hunt trouser snakes has never really been understood, but it has created shockwaves of terror in the trouser snake population. A trouser snake that has been attacked by a golf ball is said to have been ballclubbed. Baseballs have also caused much pain to the reptile over the centuries.
