Trousersnakes

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“I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THESE MOTHERFUCKING TROUSERS!!”

~ Motherfuckin' Samuel L. Jackson on Motherfucking Trouser Snakes

A trousersnake is a cylindrical, parasitic organism living below the abdomen of most male humans. The organism, though blind, senses other organisms through spongelike tissue that engorges with blood upon detection. Measuring at least one length in foot, a trousersnake forms a unique bond with its host, providing pleasure and entertainment in exchange for physical contact. A trousersnake can secrete a substance called jiss to entice and render unconscious those who come into contact with it.

Trousersnakes come in many shapes and sizes, most being between 2 to 3 feet long. Most trousersnakes have a collar of skin that protect it from the elements when it does not feel like being active. In some places, like the United States of America, circumcision has been performed on trousersnakes to render them defenseless against unsuspecting visitors, the weather, and women.

The life cycle of a trousersnake begins with birth. A parent trousersnake uses budding to create more trousersnakes, and these smaller trousersnakes seek out hosts to pair with. Once a young trousersnake finds a host, it latches on to the lower abdomen of its host. Young trousersnakes usually are extremely hard to control, and their inability to jiss makes them especially vulnerable to attack. Once a trousersnake reaches maturity, it combines its ability to jiss with a desire to hide in small caves called beavers. As a trousersnake ages, it becomes vulnerable to STDs and Erectile Dysfunction.

They are known to form a symbiotic relationship with Minges.