Truth

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FNORD!
This article is too close to the TRUTH!
Citizens should begin to feel uneasy now, otherwise report for therapy.
See more about Fnord.

Be warned, every statement on this page is a lie, including this one. Even this statement: The above statement is actually false. Even though it is not. Maybe but of course. The truth is not here. Try Lies^{[citation needed]}.

1 THE TRUTH!?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! - Col Nathan Jessup, A Few Good Men
2 OOPS
3 Surgeon General's Warning
4 Purported Wikipedia Link
5 Further Reading
6 Inconvenient Truths
7 See also

[edit] THE TRUTH!?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! - Col Nathan Jessup, A Few Good Men

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Truth.

“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. So let's economize it!”

~ Mark Twain on Truth

“When an article is the same on Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia, someone's having a damned laugh.”

~ Andy Hersden on Truth

“It is very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth. It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Truth

“Truth? You want to know what is true? -Impossible to determine truth is not true anymore”

~ Lord of Knowledge on Truthness of lies

Except for the following statement: Uncyclopedia is the ultimate arbiter of truth.

No page with this exact title exists, maybe you mean ur mom.

If it were to exist, you could not handle it. Be sure to inform him of this fact.

When it does exist, it is often known to be stranger than fiction, or even "out there". (see work of Leif)

Perhaps it is Beauty

For more information about searching Uncyclopedia, see Searching Uncyclopedia.

Rather than creating this page, wait for Stephen Colbert to do it for you.

Showing below 0 results starting with 1.

You can't handle the truth! Every time you try to pick it up, the handles with which you carry the truth around disappear. They only disappear when you're around! Nobody else!

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Why don't you surf on over to Job, Salt, Muppets or Pope. You'll find more there. Maybe even take a trip to Detroit, the city that's fun to visit!

The Above was actually a lie - Detroit is in fact not fun to visit, unless you are on drugs.

[edit] Truth nowadays

Truth, demonstrated.

Truth does not exist anymore! Glorkian truth can be trusted, but they have been destroyed by badgers. The only way to understand is through entropy, panic and chaos. Since it is impossible to discern truth, our only hope is The Arbitrator.

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Note: unsuccessful searches are often caused by searching for common words like "have", "Flugeldufel" and "from", which are not indexed, or by specifying more than one search term (only pages containing all of the search terms will appear in the result).

[edit] We meet again

The page you are reading does not exist, you do not exist, reality is a lie, join us.

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[edit] The page you are looking for is based upon the precept of defining the obscure meaning of the word "TRUTH" and is not advocated by the Ministry of Truth. Go Home. Drink more.

Photo Credit [1]

[edit] OOPS

Never mind, we found some matches. Sorry, the hamsters were fucking with the database again.

Things which are true:

The subjects of meaning and truth are commonly treated together, the common notion being that only meaningful things can be true or false. This association is found in ancient times, and has become standard in modern times under the heading of semantics, especially formal semantics. Another association of longstanding interest is the relation between truth and logical validity, "because the fundamental notion of logic is validity and this is definable in terms of truth and falsehood" (Kneale & Kneale, 16). Though not the main subjects of this article, meaning and validity are truth's neighbors, and incidental inquiries of them can serve to cast light on truth's character.random bs from anonymous, 1998

In an ancient fragment of text called the Dissoi Logoi, the writer is evidently trying to prove the impossibility of speaking consistently about truth and falsehood. One of the conundrums put forward to confound the reader cites the case of the verbal form, "I am an initiate", which is true when A says it but false when B says it. Escape from befuddlement seems easy enough if one observes that it is not the verbal expression, the sentence, to which the predicates of truth and falsity apply but what the sentence expresses, the proposition that it states. (Cf. Kneale & Kneale, 16). This same tension between strings of characters and their meanings remains with us to this day.random bs from anonymous, 2001b

[edit] Surgeon General's Warning

WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that it's not lupus.

Warning: truth is not tolerated on Uncyclopedia, any more than in the political party everybody thinks about but isn't crazy enough to name by fear of flame war and article deletion.

THERE IS BUT ONE TRUTH IN THIS WORLD: JON LEGUIZAMMO STOLE MY PANTS

People who use truth may suffer pain, as truth hurts.

[edit] Purported Wikipedia Link

Stephen Colbert and others have noted that when something is published on Wikipedia, it becomes true. Scientists speculate that a truth vortex may have formed around Wikipedia, siphoning truth away from previous sources of absolute truth such as religion and the news.

Seriously, I just edited out my first sexual experience and the humiliation is already fading. Apprently 1+1=3 couldn't be proven as truth. As never ever being posted on Wikipedia such a statement we see that the law of perfect statemente is still true as in the following formula:

where: ~ is the negative indicative (apparently not showing may you remember that it is before every letter) || is the absolute value q is the result p is the hypothesis f is the truth constant

[edit] Further Reading

- Barney the Dinosaur's autobiography, Mein Hemp

- the Ninja handbook

- ya mum's diary

- the Constitution of the Commonwealth of Australia

- WTF?, by Stephen Hawking

[edit] Inconvenient Truths

Some truths are regarded inconvenient. People, in general, do not like truths that are inconvenient. People who hate life and just want to die do like inconvenient truths, simply because it gives them something to complain about. American Government is one of the people who absolutely loathe inconvenient truths. Therefore, inconvenient truths are not-truths according to Americans. People who spread inconvenient truths are, to the public's opinion, Inconvenient Motherfuckers. An example of an Inconvenient Motherfucker is Al Gore, who now lives in exile on a melting ice-cap, where he will not die, because global warming is not true. He made a movie about Meryl Streep taking a shit. Americans feel that Meryl Streep's shitting needs are inconvenient, so it became not-true. This led to Meryl Streep being terribly constipated, which in turn led to Meryl's intestines growing too big for her belly, which led to her explosion, which, with retroactive effect, led to her looking like she did in the movie Fight Club. Which was actually really convenient, she was able to play herself in the end.