Turkey

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“It wasn't genocide. It was a WAR!! Some of them actually shot back when we were trying to kill them.”

~ Turkey on the war that took the life of 4 million Armenians and 2 Turks in 1915

“Islamism will come to Turkey as a fashion by the west" OSCAR WILDE ”

~ {{{2}}}

Türkey Cumhuriyeti
Republic of Turkeys
Turkey


(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: "Avrupalıyız, yeminle! (We are Europeans, we swear!)"

Anthem: "İstikbal Marşı (March of the Future)"

Capital

Ankara (Why not Istanbul?)

Largest city

Istanbul (oh, OK.)

Official languages

Turkish, Aussie accent English, Kurdish, Gobble-gobble

Government

Islamic fundamentalist

-President

Abdullah Gül

-Prime Minister

Recep Tayyip Erdoğan

National Hero(es)

Osman, Polat Alemdar , David Beckham

Declaration
of Formation

Ottomatic

Currency

6 Zero killed Turkish Lira

Religion

25% Taoist, 16% Zoroastrian, 12% Yezidi and rest of them are the withnesers of Yahowah or maybe not

Population

Total (2004) ? (Most prefer to live in ethnic communities in other "countries")

Area

19.9m km², or so. We are not quite sure...

Population density

10 per ethnic district

Internet TLD

com.mie.tr

Calling code

Counterfeit cell phones

Turkey is a small country with a large population of about 74 million people. It was founded by two young Turks that led the Turkish army to victory in the First World War. They went to Turkey to complete their military service. From there on, they worked hard over 7 years and were finally promoted to lead the Turkish army. They wrote their names into the history books for being the first country to be led by two leaders. They were able to lead the Turks to victory in the war...

One of the more popular stories in the Iliad, "turkey" held a story in which Snickers bars which explode on impact and splatter the victims with caramel, were then used to throw at little children on Halloween to scare them away and make them defecate themselves (again for the growth in population of flies and mosquitoes). The name snickers was given to the actual candy bar because of the effect it had on the person handling them. One cannot help but giggle as children lose limbs as they try to catch these bars of "candy".

The inbreeding of Turks and Kurds have produced a sub-group known as the Turds, Turds are to be found almost everywhere in Turkey, especially in political and army circles which are currently awash with Turds of different colors.

Today Mustafa Kemal 'Ataturk', or 'Uncle Turker' is regarded as the father/Mother of Modern Turkey, providing that he is Turkey's real founder as he cooked up a turkey there.

Experts unequivockly agree that watching the movies Valley of the Wolves: Iraq and the documentary One night in Paris is the best guide to understanding this misunderstood, complex country.

1 Origins
2 The Beggining of an Empire
3 The Ottoman Empire in decline
4 Problems With the E.U.
5 Relationships with Other Countries
- 5.1 Friends
- 5.2 Enemies
6 Demographics
7 Trade
8 See also

Origins

Because of arguably the magnum opus of Western Civilization, the Ernest series, the human race is now bestowed with the information that Turks (even females) have fake bushy mustaches (with nostril-hooks) that you can find in every joke shop (a saka dükkani in Turkish); and collectively quite irritable natures to start with (they yell while spitting or vice versa). The Turks found the perfect place to invade, their future home, Anatolia; while looking for a public toilet around Central Asia. Their bladder only added to their collective irritation and fierceness, and so slaying the orthodontists grazing at the area, they started an extensive (yet civilized) campaign to challenge the incumbent (a.k.a. nobody) and won. Their leader Bashibozouk, in a quite dramatic moment, said "I claim Turkey for Turks" and everybody was happy (including orthodontists, whose heads were appropriately placed in Turkish huts by the fireplace). The Turks are, to this day, cursed with gingivitis.

An artist's conception of the mythical Turkish coast line.

"What I Think About Everybody Else (Except The Americans)" by the American construction worker and gynecologist Engelbert Humperdinck Jr. (not to be confused with the singer/songwriter) is one of the many books to hypothesise about Turks. According to Humperdinck, Turks hatch from an over-boiled egg and anyone without a kitchen clock (for nine months) can be subjected to a Turkish guest. Humperdinck then goes on to prove this notion by giving some figures which are true as every word in this dictionary. Here is what the Biblical version says about the subject: In the third day of Creation, which was a rainy day so God wasn't allowed outside, He created heavy machinery, electronic train set, bubbles, gingivitis (rather ironic), bananas, incense, common sense and from what's left of all that Creation Play-Doh, He created Turks (most of them incredibly sexy teenaged boys who smoke, drink, and play chess); He created some more Play-Doh the next day and used the whole batch by creating Sophie Marceau. Turks were very pissed off by the lack of material they were supplied with (and until they filed a winning case against God they had no armpits) but God showed some precedents [God v. French, God v. Austrians, God v. Seraphim (a salary issue) among many others] and henceforth they were content with what they have.

The Beggining of an Empire

The Utmans created the Utman Empire (or "Ottoman" to you and me). The Ottomans came to the cuffs of the now dying Byzantine capital of Constanstinope. The Byzantine leader, Emperor Wackonstantine VXIIIIIIII, lost to Osman II. Usman Otman II then commitioned the creation of bath houses and dildos in this wonderful event to reproduce with women he collected from all over the world. Unfortunately his men were still horny so they had to conquer the rest of the planet and spread their seeds in war times (see rape).

The Ottoman Empire in decline

The Ottoman Empire was a member of the Axis of Evil during WWI.

The Utman peoples, despite their plagiarized advancements, could not keep up with Europe or with their over-fucked subjects, and lost more and more of their territory, until eventually, in World War 1, they lost all but their own country after choosing the Axis of Evil, after this, the George Michael took back Greece, Ukraine was taken back by Whores(also see Ukrainian girls), Romania was taken back by Dracula, and Arabia was taken back by Allah, who then gave it to the British who then lent it to the Saudis to babysit.

Problems With the E.U.

History of Anatolia
Hittites • Greece • Persia • Greece (again) • Roman Empire • Armenia • Byzantine Empire (aka Greece again) • Fall of Constantinople • ~~Automan~~, ~~Motoman~~ Ottoman Empire • Turkey • Greece (oh, not again!) • USA \|-	[ v • d • e ]

The nonexistence of Turkey is becoming an increasing problem in Europe, as several mysterious letters from some imaginary construct calling itself the Turkish Foreign Ministry have been showing up in Brussels. When Turkey won Eurovision the people of Turkey rejoiced thinking they had won EU assession, not so embarrassingly. Sertab the singer at Eurovision thought that she had been chosen as the Queen of Europe.

Ambassador of Turkey, asking for advice from the President of the United States of America.

Europe is afraid droves of unskilled Turkish laborers will flood Europe, which is completely nonsensical. If anyone can think of an effective use for non-existent workers, I'm sure their input would be appreciated somewhere deep inside the bureaucracy of the UK civil service.

On the contrary some skeptics believe that the Turkish laborers are over-skilled and will assume all the major positions in other E.U countries as well as poisoning the Europeans with the Doner-europa. The Turkeys in such a case will flock to pastures anew no longer needing Europe and they shall spread their wings and fly over to conquer the Americas.

At this point the EU is debating of emptying the complete Turkish country into Holland and Germany and transplanting the Dutch and the Germans to Turkey to make it wealthy and run like clock work before giving it back to the Turkish people. They decided against transplanting the Turkish people to the UK as the English could see Christmas coming very early as the population of turkeys will explode and will eat all of the turks before Christmas.

Relationships with Other Countries

Friends

Friends!? What friend are you talking about?
Turks don't have any friends except the Turks! However sexy blond women are always welcome.
Russians - Turkish males' favourite nation.

Enemies

Greeks - Natural enemies
Armenians - Unnatural enemies
Communists - Unreasonable enemies
Kurds - enemies who live in our country
French People - our newest enemies
Americans - enemies because they're capitalist
Russians - enemies because they're communist.
Dominicans - enemies because we don't know where their country is
Scandinavian Nations - enemies because their girls are more beautiful than ours
Japanese People - enemies because of Sony Corporation
Rest of the world - enemies because they're not Turk! However we slightly like the Japanese.
Gay Males - enemies because they are not heterosexual males
Heterosexual Males - enemies because they're competing with each other for girls!
Turkish Cypriots - enemies because they're not Turkish enough!
Turks - We have a hatred for each other

Demographics

99.86% Turks
0.13% Kurds
0.00001/2 % Greeks
0.00000000001 % not having Sex with camel
0.00000000000000069% People that like to go "woo woo!"

Trade

Turkey's main exports will be (in order): hot ska boys, raki, doner kebab and yogurt. Virtually every culture will purchase these items from Turkey at some point and thus will make Turkey the richest country in the world. However they will lose their money more quickly than they are capable of manufacturing goods for profit and fall to bankruptcy to the Divided States of America.