U2
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"Heheheheh, that dude's name is "Boner." Heheheheh, BOIIIING!"
~ Beavis on Bono
“These guys are from England and who gives a shit?!”
~ Casey Kasem on U2
Ewe Two is the 3D sequel to U and was formerly known as U-Boat, Feedback, U-Lalalalaaa, Goo-ratch-a-loogie, Hype, U3, U4, U-seless, The Letter U and the Numeral Two, Bono and those other guys, and Ireland Is Our Marketing Niche. At one stage, rumours abounded that they may also have been founding members of Baccara, the people responsible for the classic opera, "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie". The makers of the U series have now confirmed there will be no U5, but they will start filming U6 when they can be bothered.
Came with Black Metal style. They are one of the most successful, misunderstood, and horrible popular music acts spanning the 19th Century through to the 22nd, and possibly beyond with the help of The Rolling Stones' cryogenics expert. And many believe that they lyke totally suck [shiteation needed]
U2 are travelling the universe in search of inter-galactic peace, whilst endeavouring to ensure capitalism (disguised as humanitarian concern) extends to all life-forms.
Their voyage across space aims to restore intergalactic peace by encouraging more powerful aliens to coax Earth into writing off the debts of corporates on the verge of bankruptcy according to their official sponsors, McDonald's and Exxon.
(Trivia: Bono wears the Coca Cola™ logo on the glass shield of his spacesuit. Bono's most meaningful lyrics are most often inspired by or stolen from incoherent drunks and Drama students ). It is also believed by all religions except Scientology that Bono is God's punishment to mankind for Adam and Eve's insubordination at the beginning of time.
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[edit] Awkward Tie-in Products
Reality check: Bono is taller than Mt. Everest
Following the band's success and their fallout following The Irish Troubles, in an attempt to regain some modicum of popularity, Bono built a wooden plane out of balsa wood, which was made out of wood - specifically, wooden wood - and named it after the band. The U2 Spy Plane was a technical wonder - it was capable of flying with or without a pilot, taking off from streets that have no names, and making a sort of homecoming on its own if it still hadn't found what it was looking for. People described it as being as fast as a bullet in the blue sky. It was also proven that wires would not trip it up. Production began one October morning in Red Hill Mining Town, which was notable because its hill was, in fact, not red, and sparsely vegetated. Production, however, ran to a stand-still after many pilots ended up missing in God's country. The mothers of the disappeared complained, and the band decided to Exit from the aeronautics business. Living on one Tree hill, on 4th July morning the band decided they would surrender to a man and a woman. They left on a beautiful day to a room at the heartbreak hotel. "Another time, another place" Larry said. Bono had a desire to hit him and did causeing to elevate into the air before he fell down. Bono met Gloria and decided to marry her at Heaven and Hell. Edge went to Miami where the streets have no name to live with Mofo and Ito Okashi. Larry is just Larry.
Larry is quoted as having said, "F**k that s**t". Adam misheard this, and then asked "Do you feel loved?" then squirted him in the eyes with a lemon.
[edit] How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
U2 released a very rare album advising customers how to dismantle an atomic bomb in the event that North Korea or Iran decided to pop one.
George W. Bush commented. "Uh, uh, Americans is willinger than most to buy a great CD about dismantling weapons of mass destructionization. Once these nuclear bombs are dismantleated we will be at the table eating foreign foods with our ass."
[edit] Members
[edit] Bono
See also Bono
Bono holds records for biggest ego, biggest crap, and biggest sunglasses on a man... Oh, and he sings kinda.
[edit] The Hedge
Real name "Dave Evans", The Hedge is as good as playing guitar as he is at keeping the neighbor's dog out of your yard. That is to say you'll like it as much as the "things" the neighbor's dog leaves in your yard.
Signature (and only) guitar style is "jangly rock".
[edit] Saddam Clayton
Real name "Alan". This guy is. One can see him right there on stage, but God alone knows what he's there for.
[edit] The Drummer
The Drummer sits way back in the back and you can't see him. Even though he could be replaced by a machine the others seem to like drinking with him well enough to let him tag along.
[edit] Discography
- Boytoucha (1892) (Released under the artist name The Danny Boiz)
- Boy (1893)
- Girl (1894)
- Fag (1985)
- Gender In Question (1897)
- October (1948)
- November (1949)
- October Boy, November Girl (1950)
- Skibbity Doo-wop Zeebleeblededee Wawawoowaaaaaa! [U2's short-lived Skat Jazz format] (1953)
- War [working title: War, What is it Good For?] (1960)
- Peace (1961)
- Undecided (1962)
- Hate (1962)
- Love [with Arthur Lee] (1963)
- BI-Polar [with a shoe named Dan] (1964 1/2)
- The Undeniable Firemen (1966)
- Rattle And Soother (1974)
- Stew, Beef Stew (1976)
- Rattle And Pop (1977)
- Aushwitz, Baby! (1980)
- BangFuck (1986)
- The Bang Fuck (1986)
- Bangfucka (1986)
- Fucko Billsucker (1986)
- Cockjappy (1987)
- Yummy Boyz (1987) (Released under the artist name Dicksucker & the Arthropods)
- Pop Tart (1988)
- Boy, Girl, Or Whatever Happened To The Pink PopTarts From Mars (1988)
- Flop (1990)
- Zooropey (1999)
- I Still Haven't Found That I've Sold Out (2000)
- Orang utan Sandwich (2000)
- Zsombor Eats Beats (2001)
- All That You Can Get Rid Off (2001)
- You Can't Build An Atomic Bomb Unless You've Watched Blue Peter/Trip Through Your Tyres/Running To The Windmill [triple album] (2002)
- How To Dismantle A Joshua Tree WMD (2005)
- Want To Dismantle An Ipod? (2005.362)
- How To Dismantle The Ridiculous Length Of An Album Title (2005)
- Grammys Sell (And We're Buying) (2006)
- I Still Can't Accept What A Nob I Am (2007)
- How To Blow Up A Dismantled Atomic Bomb (2041)
- Guitar+Drums+Singing= Our New Album (2052)
- Banana Peel (2089)
- Sometimes When Love Comes To Town I Still Haven't Found What You Can't Make Poverty History On Your Own With Or Without Steve Ballmer (2091)
- Caution Old Man! (2096)
- Kite With Holes (2101)
- Please, Just Finish Us Off! (2109)
- Can't Believe We Are Not Dead (2190)
- We've Run Out Of Album Titles (Armageddon)
- The Snails Are Coming (3000)
- My Black Pocket Joshua (11^30)
- Bing-Bat-Po Wickedy Dismantia (1)
- How to dismantle an atomic bomb and put the peaces back together without creating an enormous explosion that would be the 3rd atomic attack on Japan.
- Fuck the Revolution: The Best of Bono's Speeches (2002)
- If You Bought More of Our Albums, We Wouldn't Need to Whore Ourselves Out To Apple to Afford Our Massive Plane Now Would We? (2006,3)
- Bill Cosby (342 B.C.)
- Bono, is That a Nigger in Our Tour Buss? (2008)
- How to Kill a Nigger (010198.481.0148 F.U.)
- How to Dismantle Bono's Ego
- How To Leave Behind A Prostitute You Can't Dismantle (2097)
[edit] Trivia
- In "Stuck in the Momentum and you can't get out of it" music video Bono have been thrown off the van for not wearing sun-glasses
- A group of scientists recently performed a study in which they experimented to see if listening to u2 can help prevent cancer. They found that a group of rats who listened to u2 were 40000000 times less likely to develop cancer than a group of rats who had been fed rat poison, and 600000000000 times less likely to die from cancer than a group of rats who had cancer.
- Contrary to his stupid fans "popular" beliefs, Bono is not Jesus.
- Bono doesn't care how poor you are personally, but "if you dont feckin' feed der Africion kids, yer a coont!" He said this while purchasing 100 pairs of pink tinted sunglasses.
[edit] Quotes
- Adam: Look, guys. I got a Springfield spoon for my spoon collection.
- The Edge: Aw, 'ere we go...
- Bono: How many spoons have you got now, Adam?
- Adam: Nine. If I didn't have my spoons, I'd go insane.
- Bono: Can I see it?
[Adam hands him the spoon; Bono promptly throws it behind his head.]
- Adam: My spoon!
[the spoon lands on the head of Charles Montgomery Burns, who sits in the seat directly behind The Edge.]
- Mr. Burns: [muttering] Wankers.
[edit] See also
Categories: Music | Ireland | Protestantism | Religion | Musicians | Infidels
