UMASS
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“I'd rather marry a woman than attend UMASS.”
“If you bake a cake it doesn't make you a baker, if you paint one painting it doesn't make you a painter; But if you give one guy a blowjob on the 19th floor of the library at UMASS it automatically makes you a faggot! Don't you see the hypocrisy?”
~ Tom Cruise on UMASS
The University of Massachusetts, not to be confused with the expression "Yum Ass." or "Ass, yum!", is a university located somewhere in the far reaches of the Wild West, or more specifically, Amherst Mass. Good little children get scholarships to Yale, while bad little children get scholarships to UMASS. If you ever see a student from UMASS, you should address them as "Umasshole!".
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[edit] History
UMASS Was founded on April 20th 1889 by two cows with the small budget of 36 cents, a used tire, two soda bottles, an old porno magazine, and a whole lot of luck. Originally it was only a small farmer's school meant to teach the art of farming wheat and miracle vegetables.
[edit] Places
The UMASS campus holds many beautiful landmarks.
[edit] Library
The library of UMASS is by far the 146th largest in the world. It contains enough copy's of Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time alone to fill the entire state of Rhode Island, which may I remind you, is not an island. (You would be surprised how many of their students don't know that.) If you want to attempt to prove me wrong, then I'll bet you can do your research at this library. Also, the building is frickin' huge.
[edit] Dorms
There are five sections of dorms and each has it's own unique characteristic. The atmosphere of the five residential districts can usually be personified by using bands and celebrities
Southwest: The Dropkick Murphy's and Gary Busey
Central: Pink Floyd and Tommy Chong
Northeast (colloquially referred to as Homo Asia): Rage Against the Machine and Those Extreme Guys from Harold and Kumar
Orchard Hill: Panic at the Disco and Spiderman 3 Tobey (you know when he turned gay)
Sylvan: The Dave Mathews Band and Samuel L.
Also each part of Campus has its own distinctive geographical vibe
Southwest: The Bronx
Central: Jamaica
Northeast: Korea
Orchard Hill: Moosefuck, Maine
Sylvan: Antartica
[edit] Fraternity
The UMASS fraternities are the largest in the country. However, the houses are threatened to be torn down unless they pass electrical inspections. Those stupid inspectors, what do they know. The fraternity has it all under control, more so than average households. Every electrical device in one building is plugged into a universal outlet, including the electric hot tub, the video game systems, and the automatic spanking paddles.
[edit] Fine Arts Center
If you love seizure worthy light shows, sexually suggestive acrobatics, rock concerts disguised as science shows, off beat plays, hour after hour of Bach, and getting hit by objects thrust off of the balcony, then this place is for you.
The Fine Arts Center gained some local notoriety with the display of some risque works of art, most notably "The O Series".
