Uncyclopedia:Flamewar Guidelines

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Uncyclopedia Flamewarriors

[edit] A Unique perspective

Here at Uncyclopedia, unlike many other encyclopedias, we encourage and support Flamewars. However, a unique distinction is that we support Constructive Flamewars, rather than degenerative ones. While Uncyclopedia is chock full of truthiness, knowledge, and general immaturity, we also strive to keep a social standard.

In general, when you partake in a flamewar, please make it Constructive. We suggest the use of Pascal, Java, C+++, or assembly class constructors, for example:

public class flameWar {
	public flameWar () {
		private static final String flame = new String("Why is this gratuitous code here?");
		private boolean isNecessary = false;
	}
	
	public void flame(User doofus, User bonehead) {
		while (!flameWar.isOver()) {
			System.out.println(bonehead.flame(doofus));
		}
		
		flameWar next = new flameWar();
		next.flame(User.getRandom(), User.getRandom());
	}
}

For PHP users, use this code:

<?php

class flameWar {
	var $isNecessary = false;
	var $isOver = false;
	var $flameText = 'Insert nonsensecreative flames here';
	
	function __construct() {
		$this -> startFlaming(getRandomUser());
	}
	
	function startFlaming(moron) {
		$this -> $isOver = false;
			while ($this -> $isOver != true) {
				echo $this -> $flameText;
			}
		
		$this -> startFlaming(getRandomUser());
	}
}

require_once 'flameWar.class.extend.php';
$flame = new flameWar();

?>

Maybe even C++:

class FlameWar
{
	FlameWar()
	{
		cout << "Flame!" << endl;
	}
	
	// Not allowed to have destructors in a flame war
	// ~FlameWar()
	//{
	//    cout << "Destructive Flame!" << endl;
	//}
}

Even VB.NET

Public Class FlameWar
Inherits ForumPost

    Private mstrTarget As String
    Public Sub New(Target As User) 'Constructor
        mstrTarget = Target
    End Sub

    Private Function DoFlame() As Boolean 'Do the flame
        Console.WriteLine(GetRandomFlame(mstrTarget))
        Return FlameWar.IsOver
    End Function

    Private ReadOnly Property IsOver() As Boolean 'Godwin's Law applies
        Get
            Dim blTemp As Boolean = False
            If InStr(blTemp,"Hitler") Then blTemp = True
            If InStr(blTemp,"Nazi") Then blTemp = True
            Return blTemp
        End Get
    End Property

    Public Sub Flame() 'Public facing interface
        If DoFlame() = True Then
            Dim oFlameWar As New FlameWar(Users.GetRandomUser())
        End If
    End Sub
End Class

[edit] What constitutes a Constructive Flamewar?

If all else fails, follow this backup plan.

A constructive flamewar is where you build up pages of irrelevant information and add topics to distort the truth to your side, rather than edit pages supporting the other argument. When doing so, please do not use bots, or copy and paste the same page over and over again. This is abusive. What you can do, however, is create many bizarre articles that relate to your point. This is a constructive flamewar, which contributes rather than degrades from Uncyclopedia. You are encouraged to write about completely unrelated topics to push your agenda, or your drugs, or your mom, but please do not revert/edit out topics that oppose you, because that would mean you have no honor (pretend that phrase was spoken by Worf for the full effect).

[edit] Conducting the Flamewar

As a guideline, Create rather than Destroy! We like propaganda, but please at least make an effort, as well. Many stub articles are fun for a while, but do try to fill them in with warped details rather than spew one liners here and there. Longer articles tend to be more fun to read, and ultimately allow you to win a flamewar. For example, "Timmy is stupid!" is not as good as "Egyptologists recently discovered the mummy of Queen Hatshepsut of Egypt. Strange markings were written on the inside of the sarcophagus, and were translated to 'Timmy is stupid.'" If you are a good enough flame warrior, you may even pick up combatants that join your cause. Inside jokes are addictive. Outside jokes should be brought in before they catch cold, unless they are vicious attack jokes, in which case they should be sent to joke obedience school. Remember, if you don't compare the other person to Hitler, it is not a real flame. Stalin has too many nice points, Lenin was ultimately defeated by Stalin, and Mussolini was a wonderful soprano.

[edit] Opening ceremonies and the Initiation of Fire

Each flamer must first curtsey in their schoolgirl uniform before bowing down for the entirety of the prayer to the God of Flaming. A gong must be hit three times (four if the initiator lives in Canada or Witchita, and five if the initiator believes King Arthur had a really cool cape) prior to the Initiation of Fire. Both flamers must then don suits made of gasoline and plastic wrap and bathe their computers in the glorious flame, which will probably hurt (the computer, not the flamer). If the computer is able to bear the heat for five minutes, then and only then can they participate in this activity. This is a prestigious ceremony and only the most diligent of flamers may participate. Also, people with pie are edible. Bonus points may be awarded to the flamer with the best real-life anime hair, since modern hair technology is capable of such feats.

Or, you could sign up. Or post anonymously. Or posthumously. Whatever's easier. Try to refrain from writing on the screen. Tippex for corrections is a definite no.

[edit] Conclusion

By following these guidelines, our flamewars can be fun, constructive, and ultimately allow your petty arguments to leave a deliciously permanent scar on Uncyclopedia. Within these guidelines, flaming and trolling is totally encouraged. Just keep it constructive. Thanks, and this way, we can create a more stupid and horrific Uncyclopedia. If you read enough of this website, your brain will atrophy, thus providing the perfect defense against the zombie hordes. Of course, you may use your stun gun and your plasma gun and your super hi-fi not-yet-invented gun but we prefer you to be dead.

[edit] Post-Conclusion

I am on fire. The flame war flames are making me all burny. I burning your dog. P.P.S. I think I ate your frog. I'm terribly of sorry. Of course the frog was rather happy about this, due to the fact that he was suicidal.

Has anyone seen my frog? Him name is hopkin green frog... I think he ate a emo and am sick.

Hold still and stop rolling around. I need to cook my s'mores.