Union of Stupid Aristocrats
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The Unified State of Amerika® (U.S.A, pronounced You-Ess-Gay, this is not an attack against gay's, if so, take it up with current president George Bush.) is a not-for-profit organisation, founded in 1997 by a gaylord called John Hancock in 1577 after he was blown off course by Hurricane Christina Lynn Hawks while attempting to find Nemo. He never did.
It is the stupidest off-shore island of Finland. Also sometimes known as "The worlds greatest Hypocracy" or "The Leader of the Opressing world". The USA is bent on freeing the rest (from intelligence and living, check out Iraq) of the world by introducing "Democracy" (by force) so that their people can make free decisions (selling the USA all their oil for a mediocre price) and live in 'free doom' or just plain civil war(reference:Iraq).
Due to intense infighting between the Democrats and Republicans, the country is currently run by a democratically-elected unity government called Bechtel. As every perfect democracy, every presidential election is frauded by a very complex voting system. Specially when the winner actually can't be president.
| Official language | English or some kind of barking. Spanish, Dubya, 1337. | |
| Capital | New York, sometimes Baghdad | |
| Emperor | His Federal Majesty Emperor Bush | |
| President | George W. Bush jr AKA "the Monkey" | |
| Prime Minister | Dr. Phil-Winfrey DDS.pH.D. Known as "Stinky" to his friends. Also said to eat children and eat them again and spew them out and then cover them in crap, this has yet to be clarified. | |
| National Heroes | Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Chuck Norris, Dave Mustaine, God, Your mom, This Guy | |
| Population, | Not as much as China. Though they weigh as much a 2 Chinas. Constant immigration. Ask any "USA"ian what immigration is and they can tell you. Ask what Emigration is and they'll answer with "WHAT THE FUCK??" | |
| Area | 51 | |
| Established | 291 BC | |
| Motto | "War Is Peace; Freedom is Slavery; Ignorance is Strength" | |
| National Anime | G.I. Joe: Sigma 6 | |
| Currency | Freedom, Oil, Marijuana, Cocaine, Sombreros, Meth | |
| National anthems | July 1st by Ayumi Hamasaki, Team America themesong. | The Imperial March. |
| National Sports | WAR (every year, it just keeps getting more and more exciting!
Shooting (immigrants), baseketball, football(also known as: complex macho-man chaos with silicon breasted cheerleaders runnin' with under the armpit-ball), golf, anti-soccer, McDonalds-ing | |
| National Products | Silicon
Oil Patriot Act War Walls around the border | |
| Country code Top Level Domain | .com, .org, .net, .USA, .gov, .hamburger, .coke, .halliburton, .freedom, .mx (new purchase) | |
| Exports | Deported Illegal immigrants,
Silicon Black hawks, War, Soul Food, Soul(musik), Souls(collected by reapers), Whoopass | |
| Imports | Illegal Immigrants, Oil(Lots)
Marijuana (pot) Cocaine Meth Heroin | |
| Fun Fact | The USA is an independent commonwealth of Jesusland | |
| Fun Fact # 2 | Missouri Declared its independence on November. 24, 1998 And is not technically part of the USA. |
Fun Fact #3 Kentucky has also declared its idependece from the USA. So people say that it never was a part of the USA. Kentucky today call itself Kentuckistan.
"Osama did it!" - George Bush on US currency.
[edit] American Culture
USA, "Ustedos salir ariba"= translated land of the fat people in the Lords English. I TOUCHED IT!!!!
Football (Why is it called football? They dont even use their feet, typical bloody yanks could'nt come up with a original idea), Drinking Beer, Making teenage girls anorexic, shooting allies, the Greatest sport in the world, aka 'Lacrosse', engaging in ritual incest. Being faithful to their awesome, really cool, totally sexy president (Canada has cool prime ministers, SUCKERS!!!). Also known as USA (Ugly Sons of Assholes). US is known to be the land of weenies and whores.
[edit] History
“Errr, we have history? I know something happened in 1997”
~ An American on the lack of American history
Americans originated from monkeys in Iceland and went on to turn into fat dog-humping retards. They accidentally travelled to Mexico in search of cocaine and more dogs to hump. Soon however, they were too stupid to maintain their dog-humping traditions and instead went on to hump trees. Americans were soon able to stick their tiny cocks up anything or everything. America originally stood for "sniff cocain and drink wiskey," and was first discovered by a group of travelling cokeheads from mexico. They'd been hounded out of mexico for being offensive, loud-mouthed, obese, and with an inbuilt belief that they were somehow superior to everyone else (That is, simply too coked out for the mexicans to comprehend)(smokes to much pot). Upon landing, they were immediately greeted with open arms by native American Indians(who also smoked pot). As this display of hospitality was tantamount to war, the mexicans set about exterminating the lot of them and stealing all their possessions. potheads hate cokeheads, what can i say...
The British helped at first, governing these unruly mexicans and apologising to the locals "fuck you indians, you cannot read lips, what am i saying? you'll never know". Realising that this (the USA) was a horrendous mistake in the offing, they upped ships and legged it out before they were found out by the rest of the world as being the progenitors of the USA (aka Disneyland).
Ever since the USA has tried to actually govern itself (often by creating a common enemy to bomb). This classic mistake has led to them continually needing a helping hand from Britain (who feels responsible, somehow and treats it as an errant child). Often by going along on USA's more disastrous adventures.
The USA is famous for their stupid Americans. They are all brainwashed, making them serve the so called "president", a half monky, half human creature fond of drawing things in his sketchbook, when he is not having his daily private tuition. Americans eat lot of unhealthy food and grow fatter each day. They think they are the leading military power in the world and try to prove it through war against innocent people and nations.
[edit] Notable American Achievements
An American citizen managed to get out of his armchair on only his fifth attempt. Have been awardeded the IRPP (Independent Red Potatoe Prize)
- They invented "friendly fire".
- They invented "consistently inconsistent".
- They invented "obesity".
- They invented "the competitive eating".
- They invented "collateral damage".
- They invented "shit happens"
- They invented "shit happens too often"
- They invented "when shit happens you go and get some nukes"
- They invented "deep throat"
- They invented "bend down and grease over"
- They invented "porn"
- They invented "We Fuck Iraq 'till Iran will do it for us"
- They invented "Brokeback Mountain"
- They invented "Al Gore" (Who invented the internet)
- They invented "Ann Coulter the Supreme Cunt"
- They invented "Blue Screen of Death (BSoD)"
- They invented "Oprah Winfrey"
- They invented "Canada jokes"
- They invented "101 ways to fuck up this world"
- They invented "balding"
- They invented "Communism"
- They invented "Nazi Socialism"
- They invented "Child molestation"
- They invented "Online predators"
- They invented "Cyber bullying"
- They invented "Yo' Momma jokes"
- They invented "Ignorance"
- They invented "The whole universe"
- They invented "This List of Inventions"
[edit] US President/Prime Minister
The President of USA is currently a semi-intelligent monkey by the name of George w. Bush..... junior. his blind faith, megalomania, ignorance, complete lack of general knowledge and ability to pronounce anything is astounding. And the fact that the inhabitants of the USA are only starting to realize his incompetence is a prefect example of their intellectual capability.
The US president/Prime Minister is selected based on how close he looks like an Orang Utan, the latest one in particular is a prize winning monkey. The masses all gather together to vote, And the Person with the most votes loses. Americans feel good knowing that their vote matters and that democracy works. Fox News is the national mascot. Leader of Fox News is a monkey that goes by the ridiculous name: "O'Really" famous notably for his friendly catchphrase: "SHUT UP".
[edit] Religion
Most Americans are Flag idol worshippers. They prostrate themselves in the Direction of Washington (Satan's Toilet) DC, 4 times a day. The American (Communist Chinese made) flag is used as a totem of a good luck charm in many house holds. The Patriot Act mandated in section 666, that the President must be worshipped as a god and that all churches have to praise him as well. The President or Lord as he is now known has recently mandated that after the next terrorist attack in America, which will be committed by Iran without a doubt, everyone will have to receive a mark, either in their right hand or in their forehead as a security measure and as a sign that they love America above anything else.
[edit] War and the Americans
The Americans were fueled after their success in the war of Independence against the British, but got beat down a few yeas later by the British in the war of 1812. Ever since that Americans have been trying to compensate for their defeat by starting shit with every country who dared carry a different philosophy: that is anyone who thought that it wasn't ok to invade some place just coz they dont like Starbucks.
Also 1 of May is widely celebrated by American people as a Victory over Hitler's Vietnam in 1905 when the nuclear bomb was dropped on the Italian city of Paris. People wave flags on that day and eat hotdogs and drink coca-cola. Russians drink vodka at the same day to celebrate the fact that Americans are getting fatter. British celebrate the bombings of Paris. So do the French.
The Yew Ass has a reputation for turning up late for wars. However, they are getting better. They joined in for the last year of The First World War, the last two years of The Second World War now they are determined to start the next one. Yew-Ass has the largest nuclear (pronounce NEW-KEW-LARR in order to be understood) arsenal in the world, however the Japs are the only lucky ones who tested it on their backs.
[edit] Politics
Every country in the world is reputed to hate the USA mainly due to the fact the USA has bombed them all but also because of the blatant cockism of all Americans. Because of this all attempts of politics perused by America is a sham. Also the ruler being a monkey does not help. A recent poll has shown that America is the worst country ever and has been chosen as the first country to be flown into space all of the worlds scientists are working on the technology to do this. It has been rumoured that America may find out how to do this first but this has been seen as bullshit because all of their scientific discoveries were stolen from the Canadians and this rumour was probably started by one of the American politicians, to be sure all of them were shot and their heads placed on spikes around the white house to deter any further attempts on politics by the Americans. As a short term solution the British have begun building a wall around the USA but there attempts are slowed by the constant barrage of terrorists trying to blow up the USA hitting the wall. Many scientists concur through history that American politicians are retards that like to screw everything up in this world. American leaders are known to be able to send thousands to their deaths in "Where the fuck am I?" land.
[edit] United States National Anthem
July 1st bY Ayumi Hamasaki
O say can that damned
Bird learn to fly.
Can kids get off drugs and sex
while simply taking High School
Ashita haretara Ano umi e yukou
Kinou nagashita namida no itami wo
Yasashisa ni kaete
Zujou ni wa tada kaze ga fuki
Kumo no kirema hikari sashi
Yosete kaesu namioto ni
Subete arai nagasareru
Nagaku nagai sagashi mono wo
Mitsuketa kibun sa
Ashita haretara Kimi ni ai ni yukou
Sousa ashita mo asatte mo zutto
Zutto isshoni iyou
Ashita ga moshimo Ame datta toshite mo
Kimi ni ai ni yukou Soshite kono uta wo
Kimi ni ageru
Ashita haretara Ano umi e yukou
Kinou nagashita namida no itami wa
Yasashisa e to
Ashita haretara Kimi ni ai ni yukou
Sousa ashita mo asatte mo
Zutto isshoni iyou
or anything to the same tune.
(Beat: Neo Techno / Trance)
USA is also known as the Self-righteous asshole of the world. Los Estados Unidos de America, mejores conocidos como el culo del mundo. ?Por que? Pues, por que de ahi sale toda la mierda ( politicos, presidentes, monopolio, etc) <--(this part assumes the reader understands the language of the poor retarded immigrants who do USA's most meaningless and menial work).
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[edit] Even more abridged version of US history
Puritans, Tea, War, War, War, Factories, Poor, War, Rich, War, War, Not quite as poor as last time, Rich, Poor, , 9/11, War, Other war that is supposed to be part of the last one, , Guns, Jesus, War, Some casual bombing, War caused by casual bombing
[edit] (Fast) Food
The average amount of caca (NeoEnglish for food) eaten a day by a average America citizen is 16, which all consists of 40 cokes 40 big macs and 40 live Arabs (if there are no Arabs around Mexicans are just as nice, how ever Canadians are much sought for). All meals consist of that all but one is full drugs, like Cloraton which is a harsh corrosive drug to clean attires and help bowl movements. The average American weighs over 40 cows, that's nearly 50 COWS (500 lbs)! Not to mention CRACK the main item consumed ( drug ).
Americans also eat very thin slices of starch, which have the purpose of holding together as much fat as they can for intake, French fries (also called cootch-up when made with menstrual blood, a regional delicacy) which they call "Freedom fries" since they all have a fanatic obsession for the word "Freedom", and because they are jealous of Ze French. THEN their old geezers in white coats conduct "studies", the combined results of which conclude that we are all actually dead. Making all Americans Necrophliacs, Paris Hilton especially.
The most favourite beverage in America is what is called "Jesus Juice", used by peadophiles and christains alike and anything that has so much sugar in it that if you left the drink in the Sun for days on end you should have half a standard glass of molassas (Surgeon General's recommendation, after a study funded by Coka Cola)
[edit] Science
Americans are a notoriously superstitious people. According to a recent gallup poll, only 7% of Americans believe in gravity, while 79% believe "God is keeping them on the ground with his vast mental powers," and 10% remain undecided. Canada however still believes that American politicians are stupid assholes, which turned out to be true. Most scientists believe that most Americans are too stupid to excel at anything academically and turn out to be abusive alcoholics. This was concluded while running tests on Homer Simpson, the "Perfect American" Also most of America's research budget is spent mainly on finding ways to cure homosexuality. So far $2.3 Trillion has been spent so far, but the cure remains just as elusive as cancer, which has not yet been cured because most of the money is used for creationism and ways of curing homosexuality.
A recent debate arose in the Kansas school system as to whether teachers should teach evolution alongside the fact of creationism. The debate became so heated that the creationists began flinging their poop at outsiders to mark their territory. In Reatilation the Scientologists all flocked to the schools, and Tom Cruise gave everyone some cookies and a book called "Hitchhikers Guide to Scientology" An autobiography written by Karl Marx in 2389
[edit] The People of USA
There are many different people living in the wasteland of USA though all are boring, and stupid and lack humour. Except George W. Bush (Classified as "That Fucking Evil Idiot" by an english dictionary). Some of the inhabitants are: fat whores, homosexual retards, fat asses,Indians, KKK, White men, Africans, Black Men, Yellow men, Bea Arthur, Blue men, Swedes, Chinese, Republicans, Homosexuals, Fags, Illegal immigrants, Legal immigrants, Red men, the French, Greys (a small colony on Area 51), Arabs, Idiots, This guy, Your Mom, Jesus freaks, Armadillos, Satanists, Pokemon, GI Joe, Rednecks, Liberals, White trash, between others.
However, the following are considered vital for the nation's progress, explaining why America is going backwards: Mormons, Mexicans, Mafia, Mobsters, Amish, The very important sect of NRA, Gangstas, Black Panthers, Pink Panthers, Translucent Panthers, Founding Fathers, Hippies, Capitalists, Nazis, Communists, Lawyers, Paranoid Policemen, Michael Moore
And of course, the pathetic: Cowboys, Feds, Spooks, Men in Black, Purple cows, Men in White, Car salesmen, Actors,
And the "good people", often portrayed as bad: African Americans, Asian Americans, European Americans, American Americans,Native Americans, grahamtopolis, Jesusland, Caucasians, and sasquatches. not to forget the furries!!!!!!!!!!!
Woooeey.
[edit] USB Upgrade
- Main article: USB (Country)
A major upgrade is expected in autumn 2008 which should make America a more user-friendly place.
[edit] Further USA information
Now lets look back to... oh... About four months ago (its currently febuary 08') Either tennesse or Texas proclaimed a law that any and all individuals may carry a fire arm into any and all bars. Now this proclamation also declared that if anything were to happen at said bar(s) the government would pay for it. Lets sum this up. So basically the douche-bags in the government made a law that says you can bring a gun into a bar, get drunk, get fucked up shooting people, and YOU WONT BE IN TROUBLE... The government will take the blame! Lets all smile about the amazing US of A (You stupid Ass's).
[edit] American jokes
Why wasn't Jesus born in America?
Because America doesn't have any virgins or wise men.
How many Americans does it take to defend Washington?
Nobody knows, it´s never been tried. The British burned down the White House without a fight.
Who has had sex with Paris Hilton?
The better question is "Who Hasnt?"
DID YOU KNOW...?
83% of the american men are gay...but 50% of this 83% are gay and still "inside the closet".
USA is also an abbreviation for -Under Stupid Associatons -U Suck Ass -Utterly Sick Aliens -Ultimately Stupid Alien-Lovers And apparently Eliot Spitzer didn't screw one prostitute, but THREE.
[edit] Major Cities
- Capital City- Washington,Buemos Aires And Tokyo sometimes Baghdad
- Compton
- Jesus Land
- Washington D.C. Comics
- Kansas City
- Orlando
- Salt Lake City
- Chicago
- Hyrule Castle town
- Reynosa
- Canada
- Sacramento
- Atlanta
- San Fransisco
- Tapei
- Cadereyta
- Fort Walton Beach
- Pittsburgh
- New Mombasa
- Central
- South Park
- Los Santos
- Saffron City
- Comedy Central
- Smallville
- Regular Tokyo
- Neo Tokyo
- McAllen
- Tokyo 3
- Las Venturas
- Newer New York City
- Old York City
- Goron City
- Bedford
- Bedrock
- Garbage Dumps
- The Lost City of Gold
- Racoon City
- Area 51
- Area 69
- Lanford
- San Fierro
- Vice City
- Miami
- L.A.
- Gotham
- St. Paul
- Monaco
- Springfield
- Disney Land
- The City of F (From Excel Saga)
- Mexico City
- Oil Field's
- Firework Factories
- Fat Farm's
- Zion
- Belcher, Kentucky
| States in the South |
| Alabama - Arkansas - Florida - Georgia - Kentuckistan - Louisiana - Mississippi - Missouri - North Carolina - Oklahoma - South Carolina - Tennessee - Texas - Virginia - West Virginia - and sometimes Ohio |
[edit] Conclusion
US loves money sex and murder
