Ultiman
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Ultiman is a superhero and current work colleague of Superman.
Contents |
[edit] History
Chris Kelly was just another mild-mannered Kentuckian when a tennis-ball fell from outer-space and gave him ultra-powers. As a result of this, he became Ultiman, the ultimate human being.
At this time, Ultiman was still new to the superhero business, and so relied on his job in the Air Force for funding until he could get enough money to buy a costume. While working there, he submitted a suggestion that perhaps his ability to fly unaided might come in useful in the workplace, but his supervisor informed him that such a practice would break Health and Safety regulations, and he must stick to flying inside the planes.
[edit] Superhero status
In 1932 Ultiman was awarded superhero status after saving his supervisor from an aircraft fire, at the same time as being dishonourably discharged from the Air Force for disobeying a superior officer's orders. It was at this point that Ultiman joined Superman at his place of work.
[edit] Ultiman vs Superman
Because of the similarities, Superman grew to dislike the new hero, and in 1935 he obtained an injunction stating that Ultiman was to forever be known as an ultra-hero as opposed to a superhero. Superman also once stole Ultiman's stapler while he was getting a drink at the water-cooler, as well as sending the odd tetchy email claiming that Ultiman had moved his milk in the office fridge.
[edit] Marriage
During this time, Chris Kelly had married a girl named Lois, and the two had a child, Chrissie. While Lois was made aware of Kelly's alter-ego at the start of the relationship and was supportive of his ambitions to keep the world a safe place, the two gradually grew apart and eventually divorced, splitting Ultiman's mansion on the planet Spleep equally between them in a generally amicable settlement.
[edit] Big Bang Comics
Because his ultra-hero career wasn't going well, in 1938 Ultiman approached a number of comic book companies with a view to getting his story published in the popular press. However, he was informed that the market was not favourable to produce such a story at the present time.
[edit] Death
Ultiman went back to work with renewed vigour, hoping that perhaps if he could distinguish himself he might eventually be offered a promotion. However, he was tragically killed in a workplace prank involving some coffee laced with Kryptonite handed to him by a mischievous co-worker.
[edit] Catchphrases
- Time to save the world again!
- It's a good thing I was around - that earthquake was quite powerful!
- Have you considered constructing fire-breaks in this forest? That sea I used is looking quite dry.


