Umlaut monster
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“This isn´t related to Das Boot is it? My God that a boring film was.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Das Umlautmonster
Das Umlautmonster (also called das Umlautungeheuer) is a shady figure, behind cupboards and bookcases lurking. It is of cruel, wicked, pedant, and sadistic nature (die Natur). It has nasty fangs and two huge, dot-like eyes above its enormous, wide mouth hovering. The umlaut monster feeds on the body parts of people who mistakes in German grammar do. It can also very mad at you get if you merely to capitalise any single Noun in a Sentence forget. Remember Word Order! If you Mistakes in Word Order make, will the Umlaut Monster two Body Parts instead one consume. Remind you of Yoda from Star Wars, does this?
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[edit] Geschichtlicher Überblick
The Umlaut Monster is in ancient Times geborn, when the Germanic Tribes during the Völkerwanderung upgemixed got. Soon had they a Language of their own gemade. After this was the Umlaut Monster from Hölle geunleashed. The Teufel himself sent it, German Learners to haunt. The Umlaut Monster could also on the Accusative Case feed, but prefers instead painfully Students to torment. The famous Writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe had a pact with the Umlaut Monster gemade. He sold his Soul to the Monster for to gain the Ability, no Mistakes in German Grammar to make. He later described these Events in his famous Epic which he Faust genamed.
Some People think that the Monster Leviathan from the Bible actually Umlaut Monster is. This is not the Truth (Wahrheit) because all Evidence suggests that the Umlaut Monster really the Anti-Christ is.
[edit] Description Of The Umlaut Monster
They say it's as big as four cats and it's got a retractable leg so's it can leap up at you better. And do you know what? It lights up at night and it's got four ears - 2 of them are for listening and the other 2 are kind of back up ears. And its claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps. Our sources have told us that it's got magnets on its tail so that if you're made of metal it can attach itself to you and instead of a mouth it's got four arses and it has no eyebrows but only on saturdays.
[edit] Die Opfertiere
Sometimes learning-German-Grammar People are as offerings to the Umlaut Monster considered. Countless Students and Schulkinder outside Germany and Austria have all their Fingers, Toes, Eyes, Testicles (if they male are), and Intestines to the Umlaut Monster lost. These terrible Tragedies have People for the Destruction of German Grammar calling caused. Some People have stated that the Problem not German is, but Grammar. They are wrong.
[edit] Benutzen von Kommata
It is important, when man German Grammer writing is, Commas correctly to use. Those, who with this Directive not comply, will to the smaller-than-the-Umlautmonster-born-in-1066 Commacreature be fed. It is is also important to remember to you, that the Commamonster in 1066 born was, but the Umlautmonster war nicht.
In German, use man Commas (Kommata) after every Clause in Sentence, in order the Clauses to separate, and therefore Readers becoming confused prevent, because (da oder weil) German Sentence Structure infinitely long Sentences allows. However, do not German Newspapers (Zeitungen) like Arabic Newspapers behave, which a Sentence often (oft) have, which 1 Paragraph long is. In addition, must man always in Germany with Commas Clauses separate, and man may not (darf nicht) ignore the Rules (die Gesetze), as man in English kann. However, because the People, who in Brussels work, Europe (Europa) to standardise are trying, introduced they the Anti-Social-Behaviour-Order, which Defaulters stop will.
People trying the European Language to standardise, have a Blend of German and English created. For further Details, refer man to the following-as-yet-uncreated Page, which about the European Common Language talks.
[edit] Eine Lederhose braucht keine Bügelfalten
That pretty much sums it up. It is simply not possible, Ideas sensibly in German to convey, without the Feeling to get, that one one's own Eyes with a Spoon preferably outzuscoopen want would. The best Way the Umlaut Monster to avoid is away from German Grammar altogether to stay.
[edit] Falsche Rümöürën
- Das Umlautmonster is NICHT a child of William Shatner oder Wilhelm Geschatner oder Wilhelm Schitzpantz.
- Ich bin NICHT Deutsch
- Umlaut Monsters haben NICHT einen bad sense of humour
- Das Umlautmonster is NICHT ein gefährliches toy for Kinder
- It is NICHT pretentious to put NICHT where NOT is meant
- We are NICHT the Knights who say "NICHT!"
- Das Umlautmonster is NICHT George Galloway trying to gain seats for "Respect" or "Das Respektieren" as they call it in Das Umlautmonsterland or Germany, to you and me
- Das Umlautmonster is NICHT a Vietnamese midget
- Das Umlautmonster is NICHT deine Mutti
- Das Umlautmonster was NICHT NIE in Norway geseint gewesen. Black metal bands are talking out of their arsencrakken using it as a Proppenteil für the bandname.
[edit] Andere Artikel
- Das Krümelmönster
- Deutsche Grammatik
- Bundesrepublik Deutschland
- Österreich
- Die Schweiz
- Deutschland
- Goethe
