Un-Bestiary
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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WELCOME TO THE
BESTIARY OF
UNCYCLOPEDIA
Yea, thou hast walk-ed into the halls of evil, the Un-Bestiary. Here, thou shalt finde the records of beastes so woeful, so devious, that thou shallt shudder at their very sight. Ye fearsome Grue will be the least of thyn troubles, as thou meetest the other creatures of yore founden in Uncyclopedia.
In short, I do ask of thee but only one thing: If thou hast come upon the lair of a creature so fearsome that it hath made thee fear for thyn life, for the love of all things goode, add the records of that same beaste to this collection of creatures! But minde ye these parameters of doom:
1) Thou shalt place the creature's name alphabetically. Violators shall be flog-ed.
2) Thou SHALT use proper Un-Bestiary formatting when adding thy creature. That meaneth: Name in Header, followed by Image, then "{{main|<Creature name>}}", Main text, [[<Creature Name>|More]]..." I do not want that I must fix your mistakes, people. Violators shall be flogg-ed some more.
3) Thou shalt speake of the creature, its traits, gruesome appearance, and habits of feeding upon the flesh of humans. Thou shalt also provide a picture of beaste. Violators will be flog-ed twice.
4) Thou shalt add "[[Category:UnBestiary]]" to the creature's article before thou createst the entry on this page. Violators shall be kick-ed.
5) Thou shalt NOT plagiarize articles. Paraphrase and summarize! Violators shalt be cockpunch-ed rewarded heavily made to clean up the zoo. Conformers still shall clean up the zoo.
6) Thou shalt not add a non-beast into the Un-Bestiary. Violators will be prod-ed.
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[edit] 500 foot Jesus
- Main article: Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
The 500-foot Jesus (also known as “Big J.C.”) is an enormous machine of destruction, and a possible metaphor for some kind of religious-atomic bomb. The 500 foot Jesus is best known for his assault on the world's cities, and his duels with well-known supervillians Santa Hitler and Robo-Hitler. As you may have guessed, the 500 foot Jesus is exactly 500 feet tall and could therefore kick just about anything's ass. Watch out for that shit.
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[edit] A
[edit] Administrator
- Main articles: Real Ultimate Power, Adminses, Wiki Administrators, Uncyclopedia:Administrators, Special:Listadmins
These people are the people you depend on. They check your spelling. They huff your trash. They redirect to your article. They format your text. They steal your laundry detergent. They walk your dogs. They clean your dishes. They drink your beer. They wash your car. They organize your files. They sleep with your daughter. They brush your teeth. They even guard your articles while you sleep. Do not fuck with them or you will be blocked.
More More! MORE! MORE!! MORE!!!
[edit] American Politician
- Main article: American Politician
The American Politician is a common household pest across most of the United States, although one turns up in Canada every once in a while. Originally created as a big "screw you" to King George III, these pesky buggers now control most of the free world.
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[edit] B
[edit] Balrog
- Main article: Balrog
Balrogs are small, furry, elflike creatures from Oscar Wilde's basement. They have a mean and vicious temper and is said to be one of the invisible forces behind such evil including, but not limited to:
They are also blamed for the first death of Oscar Wilde, which, of course was legendarized™ by his quote:
"Yup, I'm dead."
~ Oscar Wilde on Being Killed
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[edit] Basilica
- Main article: Basilica
Any one of the very large, snake-like reptiles. Basilicas can grow to enormous proportions. The most famous, and largest, basilica is St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City, which is also the very first of these beasts. Other notable basilicae include Godzilla (Basilica halitosisia), Bowser (Plumberibus archnemisus), and Kraid (Basilica spacia).
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[edit] BENSON
- MAIN ARTICLE: User:Benson
BENSON IS HERE! BENSON TYPES IN ALLCAPS! REAL MEN USE ALLCAPS! BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU!
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[edit] Bigfoot
- Main article: Bigfoot
Bigfoot was born to Alistair and Jenette Crandall in 1954. Early in life, his grades were poor, thus, his career killing people camping in the woods.
[edit] Bull Mouse
- Main article: Bull mouse
The bull mouse is popular among small-game hunters for its magnificent antlers, which can stretch up to 4 to 5 inches across. Although they may approach humans, bull mice are are to be feared: A mouse that decides someone has crossed into their "personal space" will knock down the offender and kick and stomp until the threat stops moving.
[edit] Bunyip
- Main article: Bunyip
One of the earliest biological weapons in history, bunyips are deadly Australian creatures, originally suspected to be hobgoblins of the unimagination. They enjoy XXXX beverages, swimming, and infant flesh. However, careful research and wanton cruelty towards them have indicated that they are, in fact, just regular hobgoblins.
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[edit] Burrito
- Main article: Burrito
El burrito (Pasteles carnei) es una bestia de carga muy pequeña que es apenas más grande que la cucaracha Mexicana, y casi dos veces tan delicioso y picante. El pequeño burrito lindo es tan asombrosamente fotogénico que ninguna cámara fotográfica en la Tierra puede hacerle justicia, así que se nos fuerza a colocar un diagrama evolutivo aburrido...
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[edit] C
[edit] Cabbage
- Main article: Cabbage
Try to fucking eat it. Just fucking try.
A Cabbage can kill you just by looking at you funny. They rip people in half all the time, and roll around in their bloody entrails. They wouldn't even think twice about tearing off your arm, and jamming it through your eyesocket so that the fingers are sticking out your mouth, and then kicking you in the nuts, which would make you BITE YOUR OWN FINGERS OFF. The purpose of the cabbage is to flip out and KILL.
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[edit] Chocobo
- Main article: Chocobo
Chocobos are bird-like mammals used for many recreational and theatrical purposes. They come in many colors and flavors, and do not taste like chicken, so stop asking me. Of the different colors of chocobo, none is more desired than the Gold Chocobo, whose name,like all chocobos can be spelled with or without a capital C. There are also over 20 different ways to say the plural of chocobos/chocobo/Chocobo/Chocobos/chocobbi/chocobies.
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[edit] Cookie Monster
- Main article: The Cookie Monster
The Cookie Monster (not to be confused with the raccilla) was first mentioned in Oscar Wilde's fourth book Tales from the Street. Originally created as a metaphor for all things evil, this creature soon came to represent more pleasant things such as pornography and funerals. Children are told of how the Cookie Monster will bring gifts to the good children, and kill the families of children who say he does not exist.
Recent scientific tests have proven beyond all doubt that the Cookie Monster is a real entity, although he may usually go by the alias George Foreman. The Cookie Monster is 892 years old.
The Cookie Monster has been the subject of huge media attention after displaying his abnormal eating disorders on the popular freak show program Sesame Street. His eating disorder is thought by many sociologists to have influenced a majority of Americans, which is why they are so fat.
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[edit] D
[edit] Demon
- Main article: Demon
A type of mouse commonly found roving the highways of Middle England with the intent of giving small children their daily allowance of chocolate. Not to be confused with a rabbit.
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[edit] Developers!
- Main article: Developers!
Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!
Developers!...
[edit] DinoJesus
- Main article: DinoJesus
DinoJesus, a.k.a. Raptor Jesus, roamed the Earth circa 90,000,000,000-65,000,000,000 BC, long before the days of Regular Jesus. He lived back in the day when God Himself was still only a teenager. God was going through kind of a rebellious phase. Rather than making beings in His own image, He populated the Earth entirely with giant lumbering reptiles. Unwilling to enter his world and change things himself, God created DinoJesus. DinoJesus's primary role on Earth was to convert the dinosaurs from the paganistic theory of Evolution, and foster a new belief in Intelligent Design. Opponents of his theory, primarily the darn Romans, viciously attacked him, condemning him and his followers to extinction.
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[edit] Dish Monster
- Main article: Dish Monster
The Dish Monster is a creature that lives in apartments across the world. These insidious creatures consume living-mates food, and shit dishes in to the sink, pissing off everyone in the apartment. They are believed to be related to the Loch Ness Monster, as well as dinosaurs and the Chupacabra.
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[edit] E
[edit] Energizer Bunny
- Main article: Energizer bunny
The bloodthirsty mascot of Wikipedia's battery company, the Energizer Bunny is a dangerous foe. And just when you think he's done killing the masses, he just keeps going and going and going and going....
[edit] Eurg
- Main article: Eurg
Eurgs are the antipode to grues. "Antipode" is a very old Latin word meaning "equally nasty little creature". Eurgs are quite the opposite of grues in every respect. Except for one. They want to eat you, too. You thought you could get off easy, didn't you? Too bad! Eurgs are about 42 feet high. There are 74 eurgs currently living in the United States.This would qualify them for "Endangered Species" but eurgs don't like environmentalists. At least without ketchup.
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[edit] Euroipod
- Main article: Euroipods
A Euroipod is a creature that gives itself away for free in return for
- a) Money
- b) Reffering friends to do the same
Visit http://euroipods.com today for yours!
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[edit] F
[edit] Feral Midgets
- Main article: Feral midgets
Fear not the Feral Midget, for although it can be a dangerous creature-- by default-- they are peaceful, only coming out of their underground chambers to gather food and offer midget sacrifices to their eight-headed midget god. Not to be confused with midges, a much more vexing and evil creature.
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[edit] Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within Another Fish
The Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within Another Fish is --as its name suggests-- a fish within a fish within a fish within a fish within another fish. Often prone to uncaring, angry fishermen, drunken stagger, and poisonous seaweeds, the Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within Another Fish is regarded as one of the highest-quality seafoods in their world. It is also one of the most difficult foods to prepare, as the Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within A Fish Within Another Fish is five times the fish and therefore five times the warrior. Like Aquaman, only not so gay. Sikon is trying to hunt these to extinction.
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[edit] Furries
- Main article: Furries
The infamous fur-covered cartoon beasts also known as "funny animals"—although the jury is still out on if they're funny strange or funny ha-ha. Furries were born when a computer virus created by a corrupt Sonic the Hedgehog game mutated and begun to infect humans, first altering their personalities and then their physical characteristics. The transformation continues until the victim is covered wth fur, has ears, a tail, and their mind is altered by the virus so several are Naked Mole Rats. They were shunned by the humans who have come up with a vaccine for the Virus (Used only on two known people: Jimbo Wales and Dr. Ivo Robotnik) and then rebelled to overthrow human society. Furries are part of a vast worldwide conspiracy to dominate the world with gratuitous use of Walt Disney cartoons and subliminal messages hidden in MTV videos. Phyllis Diller led the Invasion Of The Furries in 2001, calling for mandatory clip-on ears and tails for everyone, and back/belly rubs with skritches every Friday after work.
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[edit] G
[edit] Gamer
- Main article: Gamers
While ostensibly humans, Gamers are not people in the traditional sense. They possess the uncanny ability to play video games with deep interest for more than five minutes, and some have super-humaan mental capacity (though they normally use it to store information about video games). They show no indication of having energy most of the time, but are known to receive random bursts every few years to fight in the Great Console Wars. Despite many warnings from the Surgeon General, people don't understand the strange nature of these semi-humans. More...
[edit] Gazebo
- Main article: Gazebo
Gazebos are very large creatures of legend, some growing as large as small houses, though the largest is by far the Emperor Gazebo, which can grow to an astonishing 50 meters in height. All gazebos start their lives as shiny, perfectly round eggs planted by the mother gazebo, but soon hatch as Trellises. In this stage of life, the young Gazebo fends for itself by covering its body in a plant-like material for camouflage while feeding on a diet of puppies and kittens that wander too close to its kill zone. More...
[edit] Gelatinous Cube
- Main article: Gelatinous cube
The Gelatinous Cube is a creature that was discovered by National Geographic, consisting entirely of poisonous goo. For this reason, it needs little protection or concealment from predators. No, the Gelatinous cube does not come from Cuba (land of cubes), but rather from the mystical plane of Mordor.
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[edit] Giant enemy crab
- Main article: Giant enemy crab
Giant enemy crabs are a rare species of crab found along the Japanese coast. Although they were once fairly commonly distributed along the Japanese archipelago, extensive hunting and planned attacks on spawning sites have caused the number of giant enemy crabs to severely dwindle, especially during the early 20th century. Giant enemy crabs are the largest species of crab in the world; unfortunately, they are also the most hostile and the worst tasting type of crab as well.
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[edit] Giant enemy plant
- Main article: Giant enemy plant
Yet another common cyber-foe, Giant enemy plants are considered a staple enemy among many dungeons, caves or similar gloomy dark area. They appear in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors and attack strategies without having a noticeable weak spot. Notoriously dangerous, they attack with their sharp-toothed mouths (sometimes multiple), scythe-like arms, poisonous acids and toxic sludge.
[edit] Grue
- Main article: Grue
The Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi) is a horrible box-shaped beast known especially for eating humans ravenously and without warning. Few, if any things can kill a Grue, and most likely you will be eaten by one. Grues can be found anywhere that's ominous, dark, and loaded with random humor. There are no ways to protect yourself from being eaten by a grue, though many have tried by pitting their own grue against another grue. The grues usually team up to eat the victim 99% of the time. Grues truly have no natural enemies except light and other grues who disagree with them, much like humans. Warning: Do not assume anything by the previous sentence!! Grues are not humans!! They WILL eat you!!
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[edit] H
[edit] Human
- Main article: Human
Humans are a species of meat-based lifeforms which, despite there being a multitude of specimens in captivity across the universe, can only be found in their natural habitat on the planet Earth. Their primary means of attack is to fire concentrated energy beams from their palms, shoot volleys of projectiles from their fingers, or else to just pound pathetically against their foe's impenetrable hide with their forelimbs while weeping softly. Their ultimate power is insanity. No human is ever truly sane.
Their closest genetic relatives are clay and God's breath. They are known to be extremely delicious.
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[edit] Hummingbird
- Main article: Hummingbird
Though not an animal per se, the story of the coming of the hummingbird is one worth listening to, unless you're a bloody Canadian. Invented by Canadian apricot farmers in the 1940s to explain a mysterious drought which devastated the year's harvest, hummingbirds are perhaps the biggest hoax ever perpetrated by any government, EVER. Even more than Sweden's infamous "Rubber Moose" gag. If you ever see a hummingbird in the wild, immediately shoot it, as it is most likely a Canadian spy satellite or psychotic cyborg sparrow.
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[edit] Hybrid
- Main article: Hybrid
A hybrid is a super-sized version of a mirid (not to be confused with myriad), a variety of leaf bug. The hybrid, however, is twenty times the size of the mirid, usually has blood dripping from its mandibles, and has the devil in its eyes.
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[edit] Hypello
- Main article: Hypello
The Hypello are a race of aquatic people created by General Sean Connery (and are thus known for their Scottish lisps) when he came to power in the Third Potato Wars. They live in the country of Narnia and worship the Shoopuf, a God whose job is to help them cross the river of weaselpudge. They hold great reverence toward their god.
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[edit] I
[edit] Imaginary Pet
- Main article: Imaginary pet
A semi dangerous pet given away free at pet stores. By semi dangerous I mean it can distract you from looking both ways when crossing the street. Made up of almost pure invisible illusion it cannot be seen or interact in any way with the physical world.
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[edit] J
[edit] Jesusaurus rex
- Main article: Jesusaurus rex
Jesusaurus rex (jeez-us-soar-us rex) (lat. "King of the Jesus Lizards"), also known as J. rex and "The Prophet of the Dinosaurs", is one of the final forms of Jesus, and is expected to visit Earth sometime around the year 2021. Not to be confused with Raptor Jesus or Jesusaur, Jesusaurus Rex is a carnivore, and he's out with a vengeance.
[edit] Jimbo Wales
- Main article: Jimbo Wales
Jimbo, Princess of Wales, is the God-king of space and supreme deity of the universe. It's an awesome responsibility and, looking at that photo, you now feel reassured that it's in safe hands.
James Bo "Jimbo" Wales (Welsh for bastard) is a well-known huckster, con man and dictator of Wikiland, who has adopted a lifestyle of libertinage, debauchery, international travel, and Ferrari connoisseurship by standing on the shoulders of a million nerds. He is a high-ranking member of the GNAA, and frequently trolls the satirical "encyclopedia" Wikipedia as part of his official duties. He is well known for his amusing stunts.
[edit] K
[edit] Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
- Main article: Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
The killer africanized giant fighting desert lobster (Scorpious pinchius) is a fearsome, unrelenting beast of the Australian Outback and Northern Sahara that tastes great with beer and melted butter. The story of the killer africanized giant fighting desert lobster began when non-killer non-africanized normal-sized peaceloving underwater lobsters were taken away from their native radioactive waters of the Sea of Japan in the early 1950's and brought to Africa in a desperate attempt to take over the bulk of the continent from the vicious machete-wielding Tutsi warriors (not to be confused with the "Tootsie warriors", the peaceful soldiers of Willie Wonka from the Choco-Lands). Immediately, the natives took a liking to the gross creature, and taught it to pinch the ass of the white man instead. The killer africanized giant fighting desert lobster's main method of killing prey is to wait until its prey (usually a tourist on safari) passes by, where upon the lobster then pounces on the victim, injecting a sugary venom that's a hell of a lot sweeter then Splenda, if that's even possible.
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[edit] Kitten
- Main article: Kitten
Kittens are the most dangerous creatures ever. Avoid at all costs. They will kill you, much like Grues. However, kittens are also currently on the endangered species list, mostly due to the fact that whenever you litter, masturbate, or turn on a lightbulb, God kills a kitten. Yes, God is a very sick person.
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[edit] L
[edit] Laotian rock rat
- Main article: Laotian rock rat
The best kept secret in Asia, since your mom's photo album of her backpacking trip "accidentally" ended up on the internet. Now she's number two, which brings us neatly back to the pictures. What was I saying before? Oh, yes, the rats. Fear them or die trying.
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[edit] Ling-Ling
- Main article: Ling-Ling
A relative of the Pikachu, the Ling-Ling is an extremely rare mouse-like Pokemon. Ling-Lings are difficult to capture, but they are often seen hanging around the sets of reality shows. Their abilities are lightning-elemental, and they often secrete a valuable liquid that has been sold on the black market.
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[edit] Lobstermoose
- Main article: Lobstermoose
Lobstermooses will kill anything in their way. All three genders are equipped with large, dangerous antlers used primarily for disemboweling every living thing that crosses their path, and big, meaty claws for the chopping off of heads. Avoid at all costs.
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[edit] M
[edit] Mongolian Death Worm
- Main article: Mongolian Death Worm
A rare desert amphibian the Mongolian Death Worm will kill you. Anytime anywhere before you see anything it will kill you. Thought to electrocute anything wearing yellow or vermilion hats, many theories exist to explain how a creature could evolve this behavior but all researchers have been electrocuted. Many conceder the Mongolian Death Worm to be a myth and it likes it that way.
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[edit] Moomin
- Main article: Moomin
Moomins (Moominus hippopotamicus), though generally considered lovable creatures, are in fact extremely lethal, and responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent children and goldfish. The Moomin's characteristic round appearance is caused by their lack of an anus, causing them to be bloated with shit. Don't make fun of them for this, however, if you value your life!
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[edit] Mosques
- Main article: Mosques
Mosques, or Mollusks, are squidlike alien demons that rule most of the universe and are worshipped as Gods by most peoples of the world. Although most are malevolent, like their would-be leader, a few, such as Zoidberg and Ackbar are actually good guys; a shame, then, that these good guys have almost none of the phenominal cosmic powers typical of their race. If you encounter one, and it isn't the doctor or the admiral, then you better get the hell down on your hands and knees and PRAY TO IT, BITCH! If you don't, well then I cannot be held responsible for the consequences, and I will not offer my condolences to the family of a twit such as yourself.
What, you want MORE?! What the hell is wrong with you, you sick freak?
[edit] N
[edit] n00b
- Main article: n00b
The n00b, also spelt newb, n00blet, noob, and occasionally nuub, is an animal known (prepare for oxy moron) for being highly skilled at being inept. The typical diet of a n00b consists entirely of balls unless the balls try to turn the tables and eat the n00bs instead, which is what usually happens. It is also physically impossible for a n00b to use the ! symbol, most likely because their short n00bish arms are unable to reach the Shift Key and the 1/! key at the same time. <sigh> n00bs.....
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[edit] O
[edit] Oedipus Rex
- Main article: Oedipus Rex
Oedipus Rex was the dominant predetorial species of dinosaur inhabiting the majority of southern Achean peninsula until it went extinct due to inbreeding, blindness, and reproductive practices of leaving their young on mountains to be found by shepherds.
[edit] Orc
Orcs are a group of creatures, that are ugly looking. If you want to say that to their faces, though, avoid.
[edit] Ostrich-Ninjapirate
- Main article: Ostrich-ninjapirate
The ostrich-ninjapirate is the disgusting bastard child of an ostrich and a ninja-pirate forced into loveless bio-sex by a team of Finnish computer technicians on Adobe Photoshop, or sometimes Paint Shop Pro. When this evil deed of evil was first carried out in 1966, the ostrich-ninjapirate came to life and multiplied itself twenty times in a matter of minutes. The group then hijacked a spaceship and went on to invade several planets. Ostrich-ninjapirates still exist on earth in some parts of The Netherlands-- and possibly Utah, though most experts discredit this theory.
Create your own ostrich-ninjapirate!
[edit] P
[edit] Pixel
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- Main article: Pixel
A pixel is a very tiny winged fairy whose body is constantly surrounded with a square field of colour. There are said to be 224 different colours of pixels, among them Light Goldenrod Yellow (FAFAD2) and Evil Gray (AAAAAA).
In battle, pixels are known to group into various combat formations, the most common of which is the "pointer" formation, consisting only of black (000000) or white (FFFFFF) pixels forming the shape of an arrowhead constantly pointing northwest. Pixels resist magic but take double damage from cold iron and magnets.
Though pixel populations have soared worldwide in recent decades, very few have succeeded in capturing and taming the spry creatures. Tame pixels are so highly valued that one particular individual earned one million dollars by selling a vast menagerie of pixels that he had captured as a boy, a hundred at a time.
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[edit] Platypus
- Main article: Platypus
The platypus is the shit. And not in the good way, either. Like the Ostrich-ninjapirate, the platypus is too a bastard child, but unlike the Ostrich-ninjapirate, is a creation of a fucked-up God. But when the first explorers came upon the platypus, all but one of then converted to atheism, and not the peaceful kind either. The angry, contemptuous, all-Christians-are-ignorant-motherfuckers-and-God-is-a-stupid-lie-type of atheism. The reason: the platypus is proof of a flawed, imperfect God. Oh, and that one explorer who didn't convert--he killed himself. Yeah, platypussies are the shit.
- See also: Moogawooga, the Platypus Deity of Choice
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[edit] Plushie
- Main article: Plushies
Originally believed to be harmless home-made sex toys for lonely old perverts, the Plushies have since been revealed to be a race of alien marauders bent on galactic domination. After leaving their home planet many eons ago, these fuzzily-disguised extraterrestrial rat-bastards have rampaged throughout the Milky Way, raping, pillaging, eating, and in some cases fluffing entire planets. As if that wasn't bad enough, they spend a great deal of time hanging out around Wal-Marts.
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[edit] Printer
- Main article: Printer
Printers are domesticated cybernetic organisms. They come in many varieties, from Olde Worlde to Laser Jet, and while only some of these varieties can properly digest electricity, they all share an appetite for paper. Ironically, paper contains very little nutrients which the printer can extract, and usually the paper is excreted by the printer in an almost unchanged state.
They are known to have the most complicated urinary system in all of creation, with which they excrete ink in highly complicated patterns and sequences. With the aid of a computer, the printer's owner can train their printer to excrete ink in various patterns desired by its owner. The most famous of these printer trainers was H. P. Lovecraft.
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[edit] Q
[edit] Qwerty
- Main article: Qwerty
Qwerties are a species of small, fuzzy birds. There are nearly none left, as they have been hunted to near extinction by such alien predators as the Dvorak and AZERTY, and it is predicted that by the year 2015, there will be NO qwerties left at all. Though most qwerties are now kept as pets in people's homes, where they can be stroked gently by their human owners over and over again, their wild ancestors engaged in the hunting of the "mouse", a rarely-filmed mating ritual.
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[edit] R
[edit] Rock
- Main article: Rock
Rocks were first domesticated around the Stone Age, where they were trained to do tideous mind-numbing tasks like breaking other rocks to make rocks for breaking other rocks. Rocks are tough. Granite is pretty tough. I knew a granite once....I dated a talc once, as well. Didn't work out, she was too soft for my taste. I like my women TOOUUGH!!, like granite. But that's beside the point...Rocks are cool. Everybody likes gems, but you know what, rocks are awesome.
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[edit] S
[edit] Smartass
- Main article: Smartass
Smartasses are a type of donkey (or "ass" if you're British) with an IQ higher than the average ass. Though they are now free to crack wise about all our mommas, smartasses were once kept solely for slave labor up until the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, that fancy document that rhymes. But they were still denied the same rights as non-smartasses. However, in the 1960s, smartasses began a civil rights movement which took America by storm, guaranteeing them a place among humans. That's not to say that there aren't people who want that to stop. I mean, no one likes a smartass. Every political party since the 1960s has desperately been trying to return smartasses to their former status, though the Democrats are hesitant, due to the fact that their mascot is a smartass, as are many Democrats themselves.
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[edit] Snuffleupagus
- Main article: Snuffleupagus
The Snuffleupagus is a shaggy elephantine Muppet which lacks ears and tusks, an evolutionary trait employed to escape the interest of ivory dealers, the elephant's main predator. They are known to befriend birds of similar height to their own. Such birds are thought to be responsible for grooming the Snuffleupagi's fur and devouring the juicy ticks that dwell within.
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[edit] Space Chicken
Bwahahaha!!
Space Chickens are known to be lazy, however, legends say that JKR, it's lazy creator blames everything at the Chickun because the Mad Toon Monkey Thing Show is allways late. "Space Chickens come from outer space" at least so Captain Ovelia claims after interviewing JKR. Space Chickens are claimed to be naive, crazy things made out of rubber and acid plastic green goo filled with a playdoron substance created by the collision of minerals and electricity therefore giving the substance the ability to form into a flexible shape. God, I'm hungry. And thirsty. Maybe I should go... Eat some water... Man d00d hyppi had some gud inspiration!
Google will pwn y00! Bahvawahaka!
[edit] Sugarglider
Main article was huffed...
The sugarglider, sometimes called the Flying Death, is a ferocious, evil, gliding possum native to Earth and Australia and currently competes with the bunny as the most ferocious animal on Earth. The sugarglider is extremely dangerous, and like the Xenomorph, will attack humans with no provocation in their attempt to control the galaxy. Organizing themselves into huge armies, sugarglider generals direct their minions into war, attacking and killing humans in a matter of seconds. There is an on-going battle in the hopes of stopping sugargliders once and for all, led by General Alcarcalimo. Also, they eat dead babies, just thought you should know.
No more, this article was deleted...
- Why?
- Because you touch yourself at night.
- Because you touch yourself at night.