UnBooks:Travel guide to California
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
California is a small penis shapes planet right next to the planet of Viagra. It used to be a state in the USA but when the Gay Wars happened in 2015 the San Fransicoins took it and moved it far away and reshaped it into the their favorite toy, the dildo. California's moon is in the shape of an ass in remembrance of the founding fathers' favorite pasttime. Template:Britannica 1768}}
- The following paragraphs are licensed from Wikipedia – the encyclopedia authored by unpaid miserable losers. Since we've paid a few million dollars to some blood-sucking communist in Florida for these substandard errorful contents, we decide to publish these words in spite of all obvious factual errors.
There are many things to do like surf, play chess, ice skating, dancing and seeing movies.
[edit] Alegra's Castle
This Castle is run by eleven mad scientists, Alegra,Dr.Wierd,Dr.Hibbert Geppetto, Doctor What, Dr. Nick, Professor Utonium, Professor Uranium, Dr. Claw, Dr. Jeckyl and Dr. Frankenstein.
It is also run by Dracula, Blacula,Freddy Kruger, Whitula, Greenula, Igor, Darth Vader, Oliver Cromwell, Ursula, Hockey Wolf, The two Redulas, Bluelula, Pirate Pete, Raymundo, and Purplebeard.
[edit] Bakersfield
Baker capital of the world. Where the movie Attack of the Bakers was filmed.
[edit] Catalina Island
Home to an elaborate ski resort built by pirates.
[edit] Channel Islands
The Islands where seals play poker.
[edit] Death Valley
Where many humans are brought from California and Nevada to die.
[edit] Derikvile supermarket
Hey, thats just a store! Nothing there but food.
[edit] Encino
Scenic city near Burbank. Has fifteen five-star resorts, championship golf, the Ensino Lakers,the House of Usher,the Ensino Circus, the Roman toy store and Aztec ruins. It is a fabulous city with movie star mansions, restaraunts, shopping,convinience stores and weed.
[edit] Fresno
This is where the Mona Lisa was painted and is home to air Fresno. It is now the home of George Lucas. In the early 1900's it had a famous baseball Team called the "Fresno Raisin Eaters" The main attraction of Fresno is that it is about halfway to both San Francisco and Los Angeles and the fact that it has no Yogurt since there is no culture in the San Joaquin Valley. The Armenians used to be a major part of the population but the Mexicans ate them all.
[edit] Gold Country
In 1848 many people rushed to California's "Gold Country", including Calaveras and Amador counties as well as other two bit mud hut places you've never heard of. They came to frontier the land and to claim stakes in the gold mines and get rich. However, they were all eaten by a Grue. No one lives there now.
[edit] Long and Short Beach
These cities are famous for their beaches, ‘nuf said.
[edit] Los Angeles
This city, set on a scenic island in the Pacific Ocean, is known for Hollywierd where movies are made. If you don’t know where you are see the sign. It is also home to giant records, huge doughnuts, big gum and a shark also is home to the infamous hotel chandler which often sells guns to its guests.
What to do: I think avoid the hotel, pet the sharks or watch a movie being made.
Famous people William Shakespeare, Logan St. Claire, MC Hammer, Harrison Ford, Al Gore, Jesus, Ernest Hemingway, Andrew Jackson, King Tut, King Toots, Moe Syslak, Cap'n Crunch, Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop, Count Chocula, Toucan Sam, Lucky the Lepricauhn, Charles Darwin, Leo Tolstoy, Louis XIV, Harry S. Truman, Ryan Styles Harry S. Falsman, Captain Hook and Mary Poppins
[edit] Malibu
This is home to a famous nude beach.
[edit] Monteray Jack and Carmel
The Food cities.
[edit] Napa
Napa is where San Francisco gets its wine. The city usually gets drunk every 7 days. It also hosts Movie and Shakespeare conventions every Sunday. It also hosts good balloon races.
[edit] Oakland
Oakland is a lush forest.
It is also known as being the statistically safest place in the world, with the world's lowest crime rate.
[edit] Palm Springs
Minigolf capitol of America. Has lots of palms, lots of springs. Come for the sugar; leave for the lack of irrigation.This is where circus stars go on vacation. It has 500 malls.
[edit] Playboyland
Adult oriented theme park with rides like its a small world, space mountain, matterhorn, quake, mad hatters erotic tea party, pantsless pirates of the cairless-bean, flash mountain, haunted strip club, Castle Wolfenstein and the rabbits’ house. Watch fireworks at the castle on Nude Street USA.
[edit] Reading, Riting, and Rthmatic
Has many books. Is now on Fire.
[edit] Reno
Actually in Nevada but who cares. Sitting below a scenic hill not too far from Lake Tahoe, this city is known for its beaver bashing festival, water-skiing over the rocks in the too shallow Truckee River, cookee cutter malls, car and refrigerator museums. This city also once had casinos mostly run by slimey itallians or other old time gang Gangsters but imploded on itself as soon as the Indians "cut them off at the pass" by building their own casinos just across the state line in California. The casinos now serve as convention sites for groups like the 7th day Advantists and other child molester friendly groups. Reno had gay people but they all moved to San Diego. It is now the worlds capitol for bad modern art. It also has great ski resorts and most of its fabulous architecture has been imploded to make room for more Krispy Kreme and Walmart outlets. There is a semi secret organization of terrorist anarchists in the city using the pseudonym "Sheep Dippers" that threatens the very fiber of civilization. The hold recruiting extraveganzas in Sparks Nevada every January to add to their strength. THEY MUST BE SOUGHT OUT AND DESTROYED!!!! To Counter this threat the E Clampums Vitus Vigilantees have promised to attack the Sheepdipper headquarters as soon as the Clampers sober up.
What to do: Fill up on gasoline before visiting Virginia City, eat a Super Burrito, watch airplanes almost crash when landing at the Cannon airport. Shoot meadowlarks in Pyramid Valley, snare tree huggers in their natural habitat at in lake Tahoe, go skiing, sky dive from balloons, Get a tattoo/piercing during Hot August Nights, visit a brewery and then try to hold down this local swill or get married at one of the automat styled wedding chapels. Also if the marriage doesn't work out you can get divorced really fast in Reno.
[edit] Robotopia
This city is populated by robots.
What to do: You can date a robot, dance with a robot, be a robot, wash a robot, ride a robot or even marry a robot.
[edit] Sacramento
This is the state capitol.
Things to do include ice sculpting, car racing, fishing, sewing, visiting its hot nightclubs and eating at its restaurants.
[edit] San Diego
This town is home to 2 zoos the San Diego plant and animal zoo and the San Diego human zoo. It was founded in 1688 by Carmen Sandiego. It also has two Navy bases, great surf and hot beaches, strip clubs and exotic shirts.
[edit] San Francisco
This city is designed and sponsored by Disney. Disney rebuilt the city from a tourist’s point of view.
What to do: you can see the coin tower, the bird-man of Alcatraz, the Golden Gate bridge, the full house, palace of fine noodle art, Transamerica pyramid, the rice-a-roni trolley, Chinatown, Knob Hill, Golden Nugget Park, Embaracardo, Lombard street, Fisherman's Wharf, St. Johns University, world of poker, the gay and pawn shop district, the 49r's, Abraham Lincoln golf course and jello mansion. But don't expect too much : for 98% of the summer, fall, winter and spring (and in June, too), you'll only be able to see, well...fog. (no, not fags. Fog)
[edit] San Jose
This city is now split into 2 and has too many computer factories. Before computers its main industry was drugs.
[edit] Santa Monica
Santa Clause's home away from the North Pole and Mecca It has his tropical jetski, workshop and Santa's house, now restricted only to Muslims.
It is the only holy city of Shia Islam on the continent of North America. Its city council is exclusively composed of mullahs who enforce a strict interpretation of Sharia. Non-Muslims are no longer allowed to live there, but many have continued living as homeless in the streets. Its mayor Muqtada al-Sadr has been known to be tough on dhimmi and infidels crossing over the border from nearby Venice, Brentwood, and Pacific Palisades. However, its mosques are open to non-believers for a hefty fee, although females are forced to wear hijab and burqas.
[edit] San Simmian
This is home of Hearst the Monkey's castle which has lots of bananas
[edit] Soup, Sandwich and Key Lime Islands
Islands known for food.
[edit] Tijuana
When it was part of Mexico it was a large city near California. Now it is a U. S. Navy Base.
What to do: Not much but shop, see Tijuana air show, watch a soccer game or go shopping for socks. And the chicle. Don't forget about the chicle.
[edit] Tri Cities
The tri cities are different: one has farms, one has flowers and one has car racing.
[edit] Upper Cal
This is Oscar Wilde's vacation home. This was once southern Oregon but was added for recreation. It has great rafting and swimming.
My house in the middle of the woods--Oscar Wilde
[edit] Yokelsvania
A once Mexican city that its current population are now yokels.
What to do : This town has none cause it's entirely populated by mexican yokels.
[edit] Yosemite Sam National Park
This National Park was created many years ago by burning Ancient Chariot wheel flaps with the Looney Tunes character on it. From a helicopter it looks like a cowboy saying stand back. It also has the best tequila in the state at Moe's old saloon. Home to Bugs Bunny falls.
