UnBooks:UnRoadMap/Alabama
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
From UnBooks, the content-free textbook collection
Welcome to Alabama, the little state with a big heart! Now, let's get you from point A to point B (or is that point C to point D...) in a very inconvenient fashion!
Uncyclopedia wants you to be able to enjoy your travels to the best of your driving abilities (excluding the addition of back-seat driving). Whether your sober, drunk, underage or don't even have a car, we're here to help you get to where you want to be or are forced to go!
- For your convenience, we do not include the location of garage sales, the fastest routes, your friend's house, nor do we utilize a standard mapping protocol, so stop sending us complaints, we just throw that kind of mail in the fireplace.
Contents |
[edit] Select Your Starting Location
Where are you starting today?
If your starting location is not here, then you can kiss my shiny metal butt.
[edit] 001
Welcome to Autowaga County, home of the Alabama Trailer Park, the world's largest trailer park!
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 65 - We're special!
- Go Cart Road - No Go Cart? Expect a fine by the Go Kart police
- CR 68-West - ...yea so?
- CR 59-West - Starbucks here
- CR 61 - Starbucks coming soon
- No Name Lane - Home of the glugd kamikaze
- Delta Springs Road - Where springy roads are fun :D
- lley Road - he erfect it top n labama!
- Fairview Avenue - Not in our county, but you didn't hear that from us.
- Governmental Highway Enforcement 31 - Right 'long side ye ole' 65!
- Governmental Highway Enforcement 31 - Takes you north, south, east AND west - all day long!
- Trailer Lane the 14th - Goes right through us like a Hardees burger!
- Trailer Lane the wonfourthythreed - Who freaking cares?
[edit] Minor Highways
- All but the above
[edit] Major Cities
- Autowagaville - Take Trailer Lane the 14th to gain easy access to this city. Need something? This town contains the following establishments:
- Jane's Cash - Take my cash for free!
- T Mart - Better than K Mart, home to 'customer service'.
- A school - *gasp*
- John Billingsley - Homeworld of the Denobulans! Simply take CR-37 to enter this town, though expect heavy tractor traffic leaving the area. This town contains the following establishments:
- Nothing - Not even a McDonalds...
- Millbrook - We actually have stuff! Just take the I-65 and you're in the town of riches and cream!
- Super 7 Motel - Sure we are a large hotel, but where's the beef? (Definitely not in the continental breakfast...)
- Galactica Bank - Drop your money off at one of our rag-tag banks.
- Bratville - Are we there yet?
[edit] 003
Bald county: the land down under that is not Australia. Also known as the home of Hurricane Frederic!
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 10 - Goes right through us like a hot knife through butter
- Interstate 65 - Nobody uses it, so who cares.
- US Route 31-AB3C - Like a bisexual.
- US Route 90 - The Interstate 10 is always jammed pack, so we provided this more inconvenient route for you to use!
- US Route 9B - The US Route 90 is always jammed pack, so we provided this even more inconvenient route for you to use!
- AK-47 - Everybody seems to use interstates and highways now-a-days, so don't bother using this.
[edit] Minor Highways
 These highways appear to contain a few potholes, and by few, we mean 'Meelions'.Contact your local politician if they care.
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[edit] Major Cities
- Bay Minette - Bay Minette...not beside...bay? Oh my medication... (AKA Take Route 3 and you're in the middle of nowhere.)
- Along Route 3 -
- Bay Minette Nights Inn - Come for the day, leave at night!
- Wal Mart - Even out here in the middle of nowhere!
- Mickey D's Classical Food Emporium and Estates
- Hut's Pizza Hat
- Ten Dollah General Store - TEN DOLLAH! ONLY TEN DOLLAH!
- Along US Route 31-AB3C.47 Subsection 55-Alpha
- Slut Motel - Doesn't need explanation.
- USS Pharmacy - NCC-36507
- Younorth Bank
- Ultra Mega Supreme Super Chinese China Buffet X-Treme!
- Free Gas
- Grass
- Trees
- Grass
- Grass
- Water
- Along Route 3 -
[edit] 005
Barbed County: Established in 1832...and that's it.
[edit] Major Highways
- US Route Eighter-Two - Right through the north to the New Mexico (now who would make that...)
- US Route 4-81 - It's so small and insignificant, it's made of manure!
- AK-10 - Who?
- AK-30 - What!
- AK-51 - When?!
[edit] Minor Highways
- Turn a left off of the AK-10, follow the road for 10 minutes, then turn a right, left, straight for 5 minutes, reach a wall and stop. Climb the wall and you'll arrive at Abbey Road.
[edit] Major Cities
- Bakerhill - Google Earth states that it's in Eufaula, so welcome to no man's land!
- Blue Springs - Take the AK-10 and you're in the land of water (Water not guaranteed)
- The Government's Bank - Our way, your's is irrelevant
- Cilo High School - Start your schooling in your teens!
[edit] 007
Bib County: Although named for some native water body, the name was baught out by the local baby population and renamed 'Bib'.
[edit] Major Highways
- US Route Eighter-Two - Come see our farmlands (Farmer strikes may cause congestion)
- AK-5 - AKA The Diaper Dump
- AK-25 - Don't take it
- AK-58 - Eh...don't take this one either
- AK-219 - After AK-5 became the diaper dump, it was pretty obvious that a new road was needed. Complaining about the lack of a new road, the babies of the town dumped their diapers on the new road.
[edit] Minor Highways
- None
[edit] Major Cities
- Brent - Named for the town's 47th mayor: Brentingstonzery Von Son Bren Garrinsonbrent
- Along AK-25
- 25th United Security Bank - The 25th best interest rates in all of Alabama!
- Wiggle my Doodle
- Along AK-25
[edit] 009
Blunt County: Take exit 420 and you're in Blunt County!
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 65 - In our pants!
- US-of-A Highway 31 - Links right up with the I-65
- Expect major delays due to the county's high use of Ford Pintos.
- US-of-A Highway 231 - It's beside the 31, but then again it's not. It's near the 31, but it's on the other side of the county. Shut up and start driving.
- AK-75 -
- AK-79 -
- AK-132 - Abundance of red links
- AK-160 - ...I'm supposed to write something here?
[edit] Minor Highways
- Google Earth tells me nothing. Screw this, I'm using MapQuest.
[edit] Major Cities
- It's All Good - In the Neighbourhood!
- It's All Good along the AK-75
- It's All Good School - Where everyday is funday!
- It's All Good along the AK-75
- Alt.oona - Insert ad space here
- Along the AK-132
- Exchange Bank of Alabama - For a limited time only, exchange your $10 bills for our $5 bills.
- Along the AK-132
- Bluntsville - The city where everybody, except your neighhour, knows your name.
- Along the 592th Main street of Alabama
- Subway - Jared went here! (I think)
- Super 10 - Sued by the Super 7 Ontario lottery, now named 'That's Super 10!
- The Community Bank - Take your friend's money!
- Along the 592th Main street of Alabama
[edit] 011
Buttock County: Just right up your backyard!
[edit] Major Highways
- No Interstates - We're that special
- US-of-A Highway 29 - Intersects with...
- US-of-A Highway 82sies - ...this, which intersects with...
- AK-51 - ...this!
- AK-47 ...abandoned after Vietnam..... u know what
[edit] Minor Highways
- There's probably some around the farms
[edit] Major Cities
- Midway - You're half way there
- Keep driving along the 82, we ain't gots nothing.
- Union Springs - Unlike our brethren above, we are commercialization central!
- Along the 197
- Nearby on those back roads
- Subway - Jared ate here too
- The Ever Eternal Establishment of Ronald - #125
- Amerilast Bank
[edit] 011.5
Butt County: Buttock County has nothing against us
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 65 - Eat that Buttock, pure pavement central!
- US-of-A Highway 31 - The I-65's neighbour, because we love to waste pavement
- AK-10 - Though this one is made of jerk off juice
[edit] Minor Highways
- Find them yourselves
[edit] Major Cities
- Georgia, Alabama, United States, Earth, Sector 001, Alpha Quadrant - I hate maps
- Along the 1O6
- Poor Boy's Cafe - Gruel central!
- Country Classics - Not a fan of gruel? Try out homemade potted meat byproducts, just like grandma used to buy.
- Along the 1O6
[edit] 015
Callwho? County: Long-distance charges may apply.
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 20 - Why bother?
- A heck of a lot of US-of-A Highways
- More AKs than an NRA convention
[edit] Minor Highways
Highway 204, to Jacksonville, Alabama. Nearby is Crystal Springs, where you had better not bring no muthafuckin watermelon.
[edit] Major Cities
- Alexandria - Alexandria sure knows where to place a town...
- Along the 43I
- Discount Food Market - Hot Dogs for $0.10, and they're only 5 weeks old!
- Subway - Jared also ate here, on some marathon.
- Sonic Drive-Thru NUMBER ONE!!!!!!! - Yes, the first
yellowSonic Drive-Thru in all ofthis countyAlabamathe United Statesthe world! - Home of the Valley Cubs- A school where sports players are worshipped and Pre-Cal is for "the smart kids".
- Jacks- where a guy named Rayray will give you some fucking good chicken and maybe his friends wont steal your hubcaps.
- Along the 43I
[edit] 017
Hambers County: Home of the home-burger, can we take your order?
[edit] Major Highways
- Interstate 85 - Goes through the only place that has real civilization
- US-of-A HighwA 29 - AKA Redundant Interstate 85
- US-of-A HighwA 280 - We paid $50 million for this?!
- US-of-A HighwA 431 - We're so good that we broke the route up to make it even more inconvenient for you!
- AK-50 - Nobody uses this
- AK-77 - Same here, we're so lonely...
[edit] Minor Highways
- Ask your local farmer
[edit] Major Cities
- Cussetcetera - %@*&%^(*@$^*@$(!$%^@%$&@~!!!!!11!!one
- We have nothing?! WHAT THE %@*%@&(*$!@&^@&%^@?!?!?!?!?!?! YOU SON OF A %@%^@&*$@%^@%^@%$^@!!!
- Five Points - Choose from one of our five points: calmness, serenity, hope, clarity, or absolute dread!
