UnNews:"Winds of War Not Brewing Due to Regional Fan Malfunction"

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10 September 2007

Damascus, Syria

"I am Bashar Al Assad. President of Syria. Protector of the great Arab nation. Yes I have a giant head. Yes, I'm standing in front of a horrible wallpaper"

Following the mysterious air raid performed by the Israeli Air Force deep into Syrian territory, Syrian officials are baffled to the lack of response by the ruling Baath party and the Alawi regime.

"We were expecting some sort of reaction. Anything would do in fact" stated the baffled foreign minister, Walid Muallem. I mean, something small, mediocre, to please the people. dropping some leaflets in Israeli territory would do nice. Maybe release a Fatwa blaming them for destroying the holy places to Islam. Even a minor Jihad would do nicely! But nothing. Nothing! That's very frustrating"'.

"To tell the truth" stated the Syrian vice president, Farouk al-Sharaa, "We were really aiming for a nice little war this summer, to continue the celebrated fun we had last summer. We had it all sorted out with Hassan Nasrallah and his guys, we even had an unwritten understanding with the Zionists, and we all sat back and waited for the Winds of War to start brewing so we can all go back to our all time best hobby, killing each other."

"And then the summer kept going on and on and on, to no avail. No winds. Nada. Gurnischt. Zilch. So we called the Israelis and asked them: Hey guys, what are you playing at? Didn't we set for some action? Winds of War you know?".

"Someone did call" confirmed an Israeli spokesperson, "But they spoke in Arabic and we couldn't understand a word. So we just said the only thing we know in Arabic - Wakef Wanna Batuhak, stop or I'll shoot, and hanged up. Never heard from them since."

"We estimate the Zionists sabotaged the regional fan to undermine our war plans and to deteriorate even further this hellishly hot summer." declared Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad in his bi-hourly address to the nation. "Those crimes against the great Arab nation shall not be ignored. We shall respond swiftly and decisively. We'll even consider starting a war. Next summer, possibly".